Strength Needed

The lab called and said that, although my doctor ordered a CBC test and they drew blood for it, somehow they missed running that test. So I'll have to go in and have another blood draw whenever DH can drive me over there.

The PA talked to the infectious disease specialist, who was unconcerned about my monospot being positive again 7.5 months after the first--she said it can take months to get over mono anyway, so there's no point in ever retesting it.

I'm still feeling really sick . . . having a cold, a sinus infection (I think), AF, a vitamin D deficiency, and mono (or at least still trying to recover from mono) all at the same time on top of the chronic health issues just has really knocked me flat.

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I slept from 6PM to almost 9AM last night (thank you, DH), and still all I want to do is crawl back into bed. I'm still weak, dizzy, in pain (as usual, of course) and excessively tired. Yesterday a friend who came by was telling me that I was "as white as a sheet", and this morning I looked in the mirror and thought that stranger looked really wierd with no color in her face, even down to white lips.

I'm really struggling to have any level of concentration, clarity of thought and energy right now. Especially in being patient with my kids and connecting with them. Or even completing a line of thought, or figuring out what the kids are trying to say to me. It's like my brain is short-circuiting.

I'm trying to help the kids with their schoolwork, answer their questions, respond to their chatter, think of activities for them, and help them work through their scuffles. But my body and brain are constantly interrupting: "Don't try to THINK about anything, for goodness sakes. Don't turn on the light--it hurts our eyes. Just get off your feet and into bed, woman! Sleep!"

But I can't afford to do that. I have to be up and functional for my kids. There's no substitute mother I can call in when I'm sick. And even if there was, I couldn't call in sick for months at a time.

My kids need me to be more than just functional--they need me to be the creative, loving, energetic, engaged mother and teacher they deserve.

I'm really working hard to try not to be short and grumpy with the kids when I feel so miserable. And to pull out of my fog and really engage with them, rather than just meeting their basic needs.

But I'm not doing so well at it today.

Please pray for me that I could somehow find just a little bit more strength, kindness, concentration, energy, and patience . . . and maybe even a smile down there somewhere. And that I would lean on God even more than I'm already doing.

Neh. 8:10 "The joy of the LORD is your strength."