It's me, the crazy lady.

I keep thinking about those two phone calls with the allergist's nurse.

When I called this morning and described my symptoms to the nurse, she was very concerned. She said it was "about as bad an allergic reaction as you can get" and she was certain the allergist would want to see me ASAP and get me a prescription for an epi-pen immediately.

Then she called back several hours later. Her whole tone was completely different as she said he didn't think I needed to be seen or that an epi was really necessary, though he COULD write me a prescription if I wanted him to.

And that some time in the future we could do a skin test to see whether I'm really allergic to coconut or not.

I am pretty certain that as soon as the allergist heard my name he said something like, "Oh, that crazy lady. She's probably just imagining the whole thing. Just say anything to get her to calm down and go away."

Urgh.

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This is the same allergist who told me that adults don't get eczema from milk and my reactions to dairy could not be from consuming milk, either as an allergy or even an intolerance--even though it goes away if I stop eating dairy products.

That I couldn't possibly be allergic to avocado beause my skin test was negative and my symptoms atypical, so the immediate vomiting and diarrhea I get every time I consume avocado must be a coincidence. (No, not an intolerance; a coincidence.)

That my swelling-to-3-times-normal-size reaction to blackberry leaves (whether I get poked by the thorns or drink the leaves in a tea) must be toxin-related and not actually an allergy. Even though he didn't actually test for that one.

He also said that some of Baby E's positive allergy tests must be false positives because it's almost unheard-of for a child to have more than 4 food allergies. He said that most of her other reactions to her allergens "aren't really allergic reactions." Even though they happen consistently within 15 minutes of her consuming foods she tested positive to on a skin test. "Diaper rash isn't an allergic reaction." "Some babies just cry a lot." "The diarrhea is probably just a virus." On and on ad nauseum.

He has to admit that she's probably at least mildly allergic to corn and/or soy, because of the combination of positive skin tests and the fact that she broke out in a full-body rash that one time when she dumped the cracker crumbs over herself.

But he insists that the fact that her welts weren't very big when she tested positive on the skin tests means that she's "not very allergic" to any of those things, if at all. Certainly not serious enough for him to bother trying to find an antihistamine without those ingredients.

When I told him that she had tested allergic to oats, he asked what her reaction to them was. I said that I'd never really been able to get her to eat them--she spits them out and rakes at her tongue as soon as they touch her mouth, even if she'd initially approached the food eagerly based on the way it looked.

He said, "See--that's what I'm talking about. A false positive. If she won't eat them, you can't tell whether she's allergic to them or not, now can you?"

I said that she definitely seemed to react to mushrooms, and he asked what her reaction to them was. I said that she acts like she's in pain, flails and screams, and he said that probably wasn't an allergic reaction.

I so badly wanted to be able to trust him and have a good working relationship with him. I really tried to like him. I did like him, personality-wise.

Switching doctors is something I find terribly embarrassing and uncomfortable, for some reason.

There are exactly two pediatric allergist practices in my town. The other one houses the doctor who refused to test Baby E for allergy to rice because "nobody is allergic to rice".

Meanwhile, Baby E is still gagging and spitting out rice and then raking at her tongue if it gets in her mouth. If she does eat some, it comes out within the hour looking exactly the way it did when it went in, accompanied by tarry-looking or mucousy residue. Maybe she's not allergic to rice--it's highly possible that there is some underlying problem that's causing this, and not the rice. But it would have been nice to at least see what the test said. Also, she hasn't had rice for about a week, and she hasn't gone higher than a level orange for about a week either.

Can you hear me banging my head against the wall from there?

Even Dr. "Nobody is allergic to rice" would be a huge improvement over Dr. "You're not allergic to anything. Nope. Nothing. Except those environmental allergies; yep, those are really bad. Environmental allergies are real. Environmental allergies are serious. Food allergies aren't, unless you get hives or actually stop breathing or something. You're just imagining the food allergies. Most 'food allergies' aren't real."

Dr. B the pediatrician had initially recommended two allergists. One was Dr. "nobody's allergic to rice" and another was a doctor that used to work with Dr. D. I'll have to look and see if I can find the paper towel with the two names he scribbled on it. I'm sure I still have it somewhere.

Meanwhile, I'm seriously fighting the urge to eat some coconut just to see if it's really all that bad. Don't worry; I won't. But I think about it.

Then I notice that my throat still feels like I screamed for 3 hours at a sports event and my scalp still itches and burns, and the impulse goes away.