Rules Needed
Before this poison kick, AJ was worried about germs (interspersed with other things like being concerned about people mispronouncing or using the wrong words or putting the pens away wrong, of course).
We tried lots of different things, but finally DH came up with a strategy that seemed to be pretty effective. He came up with three "rules" for AJ to use to determine for herself if she needed to be concerned about germs or not in any given situation.
I'm not sure I have them exactly the way he taught them to her, but the basic idea is this:
Rule 1: Only worry about major, really bad germs that come from things like toilets. Most daily objects don't have bad enough germs to be a concern, but if you've done something really germy like go to the bathroom or something really dirty like play in mud, you may wash your hands. [We were trying to limit the handwashing because she was doing it so much she was damaging the skin on her hands.]
Rule 2: Only worry if the germs are going into your mouth. So if you plan to eat or stick your fingers in your mouth, go ahead and wash your hands.
Rule 3: If it's already happened and there's nothing you can do about it now, don't worry about it. So if you wake up in the night and realize that you touched the wall which might have touched your nightgown, which might have touched the toilet earlier, don't worry about it. If you realize you just ate something off a spoon that had a speck on it, don't worry about it because it's already happened and there's nothing you can do about it now.
After a while of fielding questions and worries by reminding her of the specific rule that applied in the situation, eventually it was only necessary to say, "Rule 3" and she would say, "Oh. Yeah. OK." and at least stop crying and talking about it, if not thinking about it.
She's a lot less worried about germs the last couple of weeks. Of course, she switched to worrying about poison instead.
As Kevin pointed out, maybe we should come up with a similar set of rules to help her determine whether something is poison or not, and what to do about it.
Any ideas?
We tried lots of different things, but finally DH came up with a strategy that seemed to be pretty effective. He came up with three "rules" for AJ to use to determine for herself if she needed to be concerned about germs or not in any given situation.
I'm not sure I have them exactly the way he taught them to her, but the basic idea is this:
Rule 1: Only worry about major, really bad germs that come from things like toilets. Most daily objects don't have bad enough germs to be a concern, but if you've done something really germy like go to the bathroom or something really dirty like play in mud, you may wash your hands. [We were trying to limit the handwashing because she was doing it so much she was damaging the skin on her hands.]
Rule 2: Only worry if the germs are going into your mouth. So if you plan to eat or stick your fingers in your mouth, go ahead and wash your hands.
Rule 3: If it's already happened and there's nothing you can do about it now, don't worry about it. So if you wake up in the night and realize that you touched the wall which might have touched your nightgown, which might have touched the toilet earlier, don't worry about it. If you realize you just ate something off a spoon that had a speck on it, don't worry about it because it's already happened and there's nothing you can do about it now.
After a while of fielding questions and worries by reminding her of the specific rule that applied in the situation, eventually it was only necessary to say, "Rule 3" and she would say, "Oh. Yeah. OK." and at least stop crying and talking about it, if not thinking about it.
She's a lot less worried about germs the last couple of weeks. Of course, she switched to worrying about poison instead.
As Kevin pointed out, maybe we should come up with a similar set of rules to help her determine whether something is poison or not, and what to do about it.
Any ideas?
Labels: just life, kid stuff, mental health
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Posted by purple_kangaroo at 10:15 AM[Permanent link]
3 Comments:
Good thinking: there's lots of parallels.
#1 might correspond to where poisons/chemicals are in the house: under the sink or garage. Which were the ones the coloring book mentioned? Maybe identifying some of them by color or smell might help her rule everything else out?
#2 matches perfectly. Ingesting poisons is probably the primary realistic concern, so even if there is poison spilled on the floor, as long as she doesn't lick it, she's safe. If you touch poison, just wash it off.
#3 might correspond to quantity. e.g. Even if she did lick the floor, low quantities often aren't very toxic. Similarly, even ingesting water in large quantities can be toxic, though that fact may very well freak her out about water rather than help her understand moderation.
And, my favorite, #0: If Mom or Dad says it's not poison, it's not poison. :)
I don't know if a rule about precedence would help, like: has there ever been poison here before? If not, it's probably not poison.
Sorry I have no idea but the rules for germs is a great guide and I like Kevin's suggestions.
I wish you the best in helping to ease her fear.
Hi greeat reading your blog
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