Eleventy-One Things About Me, #13

13. My favorite "regular job" that I've had was that of veterinary assistant.

I answered phones, made appointments, checked in patients, cleaned exam rooms, put together surgery packs, cleaned and sterilized syringes, helped hold animals for exams and procedures, walked dogs, cleaned out cages, gave shots, and examined stool samples for parasite eggs--that sort of thing.

People approach relationships with their animals in very different ways. We had the people who would cross "owner" off the forms and write in "parent" and would be offended if we called their companion a "pet." Then there were the ones who would reply to questions about their animal's name, gender, etc. with "I don't know . . . it's just a dog!"

We had one elderly lady who would call in panic wanting an immediate appointment every time her poodle sneezed or jumped off the couch, and then there was the man who called in one time and said, "Um, my dog got hit by a car three days ago, and she's been layin' under a bush ever since. I can't get her to come out. Do you think I should bring her in to see the vet?"

My most memorable phone call, though, was from a lady who had a cockatiel. She was very concerned about her poor dear pet because it had started laying eggs! She wanted to know if there was some kind of birth control pill or something we could give the bird so it "wouldn't have to go through that."

She went on to say, "About a year ago my bird was around another cockatiel who started laying eggs . . . could that be why this is happening now? Would being around another cockatiel laying eggs make my bird do that?"

But the final straw that made me have to put her on hold while I laughed my head off and tried to compose myself: She wanted to know if being around another bird that was laying eggs would make her bird's eggs hatch.

I guess being an adult and owning a bird doesn't necessarily mean you understand the birds and the bees. :)