Do I cling to what I know?

[update: more added at bottom of post]

A song by Sara Groves called "Painting Pictures of Egypt" really hit me today.

So often, change and growth seem frightening and hard while the status quo seems comfortable and, if not safe, at least familiar. But to really reach fullness we have to reach out and let go.

I love the quote from Elisabeth Elliot in her wonderful book A Path Through Suffering: Discovering the Relationship Between God's Mercy and Our Pain--I don't remember the exact words, but here's a paraphrase:

"Open hands should characterize the soul's attitude toward God--open to receive what he wants to give, open to give back what he wants to take. If our hands are full of our own hopes and plans, there's no room to receive His."--Elizabeth Elliot

Painting Pictures of Egypt, by Sara Groves

I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a place to live
And it wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned

The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacks
And the future feels so hard
And I want to go back
But the places they used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned

If it comes too quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognise it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Sara Groves (from the CD "Conversations") [listen to a sample here]

Update: I thought I'd add a bit about the background and the Biblical reference the song is referring to for those who may not be familiar with it.

The song is referring to the story in Exodus where the children of Israel (Israelites) had been in slavery in Egypt. They were beaten and mistreated, and made to work very hard with a daily "quota" of work they had to do that was far beyond the reasonable expectation of the work someone would be able to do in a day. They were miserable in slavery, of course, and cried out to God for relief.

When God rescued them out of Egypt and brought them to the promised land (Israel), he promised that he would go with them and fight for them and they would live in this wonderful land flowing with milk and honey. But the Israelites looked at the obstacles--the very large, numerous people living in the land--and were afraid. Rather than believing God's promises and taking Him at his word, they chose not to go into the promised land.

That's why they had to spend the next 40 years in the desert. There was no food and water in the desert, but God provided manna and water for them with daily miracles. They got tired of eating the same thing every day and started complaining. Some of them talked about how wonderful it had been in Egypt when they had all kinds of good things to eat, and looking back it seemed like their time in Egypt had been great--food to eat, they were relatively safe, they didn't have to take any risks or make any decisions for themselves. Sure, they were slaves and they were badly mistreated, but at least that was familiar. Some of them wanted to go back to Egypt instead of sticking it out and seeing their children live a full and abundant life in freedom, in their very own promised land.

To me, the song and the story are about clinging to what we've known just because it is familiar, even though it really wasn't working for us. It's about being afraid to press on to growth and change, even when we know that's what we need to do in order to be obedient and to reach "the promised land."