What do you say to a potential babysitter?
I'm having an e-mail exchange with a potential babysitter, and we've already been over briefly her experience and training, what ages of kids she's comfortable dealing with, etc. She wanted to know essentially how the kids behave and interact, what they like to eat (and whether they are picky eaters), and what they like to do.
I just wrote up a fairly comprehensive e-mail answering her questions and outlining my expectations and procedures for babysitting. If that doesn't scare her away we'll probably meet her and see how she and the kids like each other.
I'm wondering if I missed anything or if I am in overkill mode. It's so hard to go through the process of finding someone new to trust your kids with.
What questions would you ask a babysitter in an interview, what would you look for and what would you tell the sitter? What would you want to know as a sitter?
Here's the bulk of my e-mail:
Our girls are normal toddler/preschoolers, so they still have to be reminded a lot to say things like please and thank you. But when they ask for things we remind them to "ask nicely" and they'll say, "Please may I have some apple" or whatever.
We get a lot of compliments (including from babysitters) about how polite and well-behaved they are, but of course they are also normal kids and sometimes disobey, throw tantrums, etc. They still need help doing a lot of things. They can pick up their toys, set the table, get themselves dressed, etc. but they do still need adult supervision and participation.
We really work with them on using words appropriately to resolve conflicts and express their feelings, taking turns, empathizing with others, agreeing to disagree ("Oh, well, we disagree") and that sort of thing.
Our most common disciplinary measure is time outs or standing in the corner for a couple of minutes, and we tend to use a lot of natural consequences like "if you abuse it, you lose it" and a lot of incentives like "after you pick up your toys we'll read a book." We expect babysitters not to hit or spank our kids, but you can be creative with other consequences like taking away toys, time outs, separating them, etc. They do know that they are expected to obey. We don't often end up in a battle of the wills, though, because we usually try to direct their energies toward positive behaviors and appropriate outlets rather than just focusing on what we don't want them to do.
As for whether they're picky eaters, I'm really not sure. They have definite likes and dislikes. Some of their favorite foods include almost all fruits and many vegetables, salad, chicken, hot dogs, scrambled eggs, pancakes, peanut butter sandwiches (A) and lunchmeat sandwiches (M). We feed them whatever we're having for a given meal and we have a "one bite" rule and then if they don't like it they don't have to eat it, but they don't get something special fixed for them either.
When we have a babysitter I generally plan the meal and make it something either quite easy to fix or something you just have to heat and serve, and try to pick things they like so the sitter doesn't need to worry about trying to get them to eat something new or less well-liked. We don't force them to eat, just set the food in front of them and have them sit there until we're done eating. We do sometimes use dessert or a favorite food as an incentive to get them to eat, but if they don't want to eat they just don't get dessert and it's not a big deal.
For both of the girls, their absolute favorite activity is books. They will usually listen to you read until you tire of it before they do. A (the 4-year-old) is learning to read and will sometimes want to read to you as well.
They also love to do craft projects. We have a cupboard in the kitchen full of coloring books and other craft supplies for them. They will work on a project alone if you get them started and then need to do something else, but they especially love it if you sit down and color or glue along with them.
We do a lot of preschool activities, including games where they match upper- and lowercase alphabet letters, numerals with sets of numbers, etc. They both enjoy puzzles and mazes and are just learning how to play games like Go Fish and Dominoes. We keep a lot of educational toys around the house for them to play with. Some of their favorite toys are their wooden train set and a collection of little animals--they make up all kinds of stories about them and act them out.
Music is a big hit, too. They love to listen to music and dance to it, or sing songs.
The girls are active and like to play outside, run around, play hide-and-seek, ring around the rosy, etc. but they also have good attention spans for their ages and are able to sit relatively quietly if necessary. For several months we took M (the 2-year-old) to the adult service at church with us because she was wanting to stay with us instead of going in her class. She knew that if she wasn't quiet she'd have to go in her class, so she sat through the 1 1/2 hour service very quietly each week. We take them to weddings and other events and they stay sitting with us and only have to be "shushed" occasionally.
We do try to limit videos to times when it's necessary to get something else done (like dinner preparation on a day they're not playing together as well as usual) or as a last resort if you're pulling your hair out. :) The girls don't watch TV at all. We have a selection of videos in a special drawer that are theirs, and we're pretty careful about what they see.
Our house rules for the kids are pretty simple. Things like: No hitting or throwing things, we jump on the floor not on the furniture, no toys at the dinner table, be kind to each other, use words to work things out, wash hands after eating and using the potty (they usually need to be reminded to flush and sometimes need help wiping also, but do take themselves potty--although if they're having a lot of fun you may need to remind them every couple of hours or they'll forget to go), etc. Pretty normal stuff I think. Generally, the two of them get along very well with each other.
As parents, we don't yell and scream at each other, get violent or swear, so the kids generally don't either. We tend to set gentle but firm boundaries with the kids and try to always follow through on what we say. We prefer to redirect behavior (i.e. color on the paper, not on the table) in positive ways whenever possible, but aren't afraid to say no or enforce consequences if necessary either.
I did a lot of babysitting as a teen, so I tend to be respectful of my babysitters. If the kids are having a meal or snack I will generally make sure there's enough for you, too, and I usually point out a few things in the pantry/refrigerator/freezer you can use as snacks for yourself and/or the kids.
The first time we use a sitter we will have her come at least 30-45 minutes early so I can go over the house, where fire extinguishers and first aid kits are, where the food is and what you can have/use, etc. and the sitter and kids can get comfortable with each other. We'll of course explain the kids' routine also.
I expect the sitter to be on time or within a few minutes of when she says she'll arrive, and we do the same about when we say we'll be home. We tell you what time we expect to be back and if there is some kind of emergency that will make us later than that we let you know. We take our cell phones along and encourage a sitter to call us if the kids get hurt or are crying for more than a few minutes, or anything like that. I'd rather have a sitter call when it's not necessary than have a situation like I had a few weeks ago where my daughter dislocated her elbow and I didn't find out about it until several hours later.
When we get home, I like to hear a summary of how the kids behaved and what activities they did, how they did with going to bed, etc. Anything like injuries, unusual misbehavior or extended crying are important for me to know about.
At the same time, I try not to overkill on telling the babysitter what to do or grilling you on every detail of the evening--I assume that if you're responsible enough to trust with my kids, you're responsible enough to use your own judgement on most things. So after the first time or two I'll just leave you with brief instructions, tell you where we'll be and when we plan to return, and let you know about anything unusual or new we're dealing with regarding the kids, but I won't spend a lot of time telling you what to do and when/how to do it unless you ask me to. Your asking questions or discussing concerns with us is always welcome.
I do expect that a sitter will spend the time interacting with the kids as much as possible and not on the phone, watching TV, or visiting with friends while caring for them. After they are settled in bed you are of course welcome to read, watch TV, or whatever, but we don't allow friends unless it's a situation where we have previously approved it. No drinking, smoking or drugs. :)
All the emergency information like kids' names and birthdates, directions to our house, our address, doctors', neighbors' and grandparents' phone numbers is posted on the refrigerator. We leave the phone machine on and you need not answer the phone or the door (unless it's us calling to check in, of course).
If you were to take care of the baby in the first few months after she is born, it would probably be while I was at home in a situation like my taking a nap between feedings or trying to get some housework done. Since you haven't been around infants, I'd want to show you how to do things like handle the baby, do diaper changes etc. and have you get comfortable handling her with my involvement first. I nurse my babies and don't usually leave them with anyone except family if at all for quite some months after they're born.
I hope that's not too overwhelming. If you think you'd still be interested in babysitting for us after reading all that, let me know and I'll give you a call.
I just wrote up a fairly comprehensive e-mail answering her questions and outlining my expectations and procedures for babysitting. If that doesn't scare her away we'll probably meet her and see how she and the kids like each other.
I'm wondering if I missed anything or if I am in overkill mode. It's so hard to go through the process of finding someone new to trust your kids with.
What questions would you ask a babysitter in an interview, what would you look for and what would you tell the sitter? What would you want to know as a sitter?
Here's the bulk of my e-mail:
Our girls are normal toddler/preschoolers, so they still have to be reminded a lot to say things like please and thank you. But when they ask for things we remind them to "ask nicely" and they'll say, "Please may I have some apple" or whatever.
We get a lot of compliments (including from babysitters) about how polite and well-behaved they are, but of course they are also normal kids and sometimes disobey, throw tantrums, etc. They still need help doing a lot of things. They can pick up their toys, set the table, get themselves dressed, etc. but they do still need adult supervision and participation.
We really work with them on using words appropriately to resolve conflicts and express their feelings, taking turns, empathizing with others, agreeing to disagree ("Oh, well, we disagree") and that sort of thing.
Our most common disciplinary measure is time outs or standing in the corner for a couple of minutes, and we tend to use a lot of natural consequences like "if you abuse it, you lose it" and a lot of incentives like "after you pick up your toys we'll read a book." We expect babysitters not to hit or spank our kids, but you can be creative with other consequences like taking away toys, time outs, separating them, etc. They do know that they are expected to obey. We don't often end up in a battle of the wills, though, because we usually try to direct their energies toward positive behaviors and appropriate outlets rather than just focusing on what we don't want them to do.
As for whether they're picky eaters, I'm really not sure. They have definite likes and dislikes. Some of their favorite foods include almost all fruits and many vegetables, salad, chicken, hot dogs, scrambled eggs, pancakes, peanut butter sandwiches (A) and lunchmeat sandwiches (M). We feed them whatever we're having for a given meal and we have a "one bite" rule and then if they don't like it they don't have to eat it, but they don't get something special fixed for them either.
When we have a babysitter I generally plan the meal and make it something either quite easy to fix or something you just have to heat and serve, and try to pick things they like so the sitter doesn't need to worry about trying to get them to eat something new or less well-liked. We don't force them to eat, just set the food in front of them and have them sit there until we're done eating. We do sometimes use dessert or a favorite food as an incentive to get them to eat, but if they don't want to eat they just don't get dessert and it's not a big deal.
For both of the girls, their absolute favorite activity is books. They will usually listen to you read until you tire of it before they do. A (the 4-year-old) is learning to read and will sometimes want to read to you as well.
They also love to do craft projects. We have a cupboard in the kitchen full of coloring books and other craft supplies for them. They will work on a project alone if you get them started and then need to do something else, but they especially love it if you sit down and color or glue along with them.
We do a lot of preschool activities, including games where they match upper- and lowercase alphabet letters, numerals with sets of numbers, etc. They both enjoy puzzles and mazes and are just learning how to play games like Go Fish and Dominoes. We keep a lot of educational toys around the house for them to play with. Some of their favorite toys are their wooden train set and a collection of little animals--they make up all kinds of stories about them and act them out.
Music is a big hit, too. They love to listen to music and dance to it, or sing songs.
The girls are active and like to play outside, run around, play hide-and-seek, ring around the rosy, etc. but they also have good attention spans for their ages and are able to sit relatively quietly if necessary. For several months we took M (the 2-year-old) to the adult service at church with us because she was wanting to stay with us instead of going in her class. She knew that if she wasn't quiet she'd have to go in her class, so she sat through the 1 1/2 hour service very quietly each week. We take them to weddings and other events and they stay sitting with us and only have to be "shushed" occasionally.
We do try to limit videos to times when it's necessary to get something else done (like dinner preparation on a day they're not playing together as well as usual) or as a last resort if you're pulling your hair out. :) The girls don't watch TV at all. We have a selection of videos in a special drawer that are theirs, and we're pretty careful about what they see.
Our house rules for the kids are pretty simple. Things like: No hitting or throwing things, we jump on the floor not on the furniture, no toys at the dinner table, be kind to each other, use words to work things out, wash hands after eating and using the potty (they usually need to be reminded to flush and sometimes need help wiping also, but do take themselves potty--although if they're having a lot of fun you may need to remind them every couple of hours or they'll forget to go), etc. Pretty normal stuff I think. Generally, the two of them get along very well with each other.
As parents, we don't yell and scream at each other, get violent or swear, so the kids generally don't either. We tend to set gentle but firm boundaries with the kids and try to always follow through on what we say. We prefer to redirect behavior (i.e. color on the paper, not on the table) in positive ways whenever possible, but aren't afraid to say no or enforce consequences if necessary either.
I did a lot of babysitting as a teen, so I tend to be respectful of my babysitters. If the kids are having a meal or snack I will generally make sure there's enough for you, too, and I usually point out a few things in the pantry/refrigerator/freezer you can use as snacks for yourself and/or the kids.
The first time we use a sitter we will have her come at least 30-45 minutes early so I can go over the house, where fire extinguishers and first aid kits are, where the food is and what you can have/use, etc. and the sitter and kids can get comfortable with each other. We'll of course explain the kids' routine also.
I expect the sitter to be on time or within a few minutes of when she says she'll arrive, and we do the same about when we say we'll be home. We tell you what time we expect to be back and if there is some kind of emergency that will make us later than that we let you know. We take our cell phones along and encourage a sitter to call us if the kids get hurt or are crying for more than a few minutes, or anything like that. I'd rather have a sitter call when it's not necessary than have a situation like I had a few weeks ago where my daughter dislocated her elbow and I didn't find out about it until several hours later.
When we get home, I like to hear a summary of how the kids behaved and what activities they did, how they did with going to bed, etc. Anything like injuries, unusual misbehavior or extended crying are important for me to know about.
At the same time, I try not to overkill on telling the babysitter what to do or grilling you on every detail of the evening--I assume that if you're responsible enough to trust with my kids, you're responsible enough to use your own judgement on most things. So after the first time or two I'll just leave you with brief instructions, tell you where we'll be and when we plan to return, and let you know about anything unusual or new we're dealing with regarding the kids, but I won't spend a lot of time telling you what to do and when/how to do it unless you ask me to. Your asking questions or discussing concerns with us is always welcome.
I do expect that a sitter will spend the time interacting with the kids as much as possible and not on the phone, watching TV, or visiting with friends while caring for them. After they are settled in bed you are of course welcome to read, watch TV, or whatever, but we don't allow friends unless it's a situation where we have previously approved it. No drinking, smoking or drugs. :)
All the emergency information like kids' names and birthdates, directions to our house, our address, doctors', neighbors' and grandparents' phone numbers is posted on the refrigerator. We leave the phone machine on and you need not answer the phone or the door (unless it's us calling to check in, of course).
If you were to take care of the baby in the first few months after she is born, it would probably be while I was at home in a situation like my taking a nap between feedings or trying to get some housework done. Since you haven't been around infants, I'd want to show you how to do things like handle the baby, do diaper changes etc. and have you get comfortable handling her with my involvement first. I nurse my babies and don't usually leave them with anyone except family if at all for quite some months after they're born.
I hope that's not too overwhelming. If you think you'd still be interested in babysitting for us after reading all that, let me know and I'll give you a call.
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Posted by purple_kangaroo at 8:50 PM[Permanent link]
2 Comments:
With our sitters, after we're certain that they're keepers, we take them to CPR for Family and Friends courses once a year, pay for the course and for the time they spend at the course.
I think your letter is great.
That's a great idea, Liz. Of course, DH and I still need to get CPR for ourselves too. :) I've had Red Cross basic first aid training and the whole babysitter class when I was a teen, but not a class specifically in CPR.
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