Remembering Baby William

Our nephew William would have been a year old today.



William Roger was born August 20, 2004 at 12:05 pm. He was 9 lb, 2 oz, and 21 inches long.

He died of SIDS three months later, on November 12th, around noon.



Ps. 27:13-14 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Even in the first days of his life William was an unusually beautiful, alert and interactive baby. His life was short, but full of much love given and received. For a tiny baby, he enriched all of our lives in a very big way.

I will never forget the first time I held William. He was about a week old, and I had been going through a phase where I wasn't sure I wanted more children. I hadn't felt drawn to babies at all and hadn't even particularly enjoyed holding or playing with other people's babies. But when I held William my heart melted. I spent the weekend not wanting to put him down. At that moment I knew I wanted another baby of our own.

Every time I saw William, he tugged at my heart in a special way. I could never get enough of holding and cuddling him. He affected other people the same way. There was just something unique about him.

In November, William and his family stayed with us for 5 days to help celebrate DH's 30th birthday. We're very close to BIL (brother-in-law) and SIL (sister-in-law). BIL is the closest of DH's brothers in age to him and they spent a lot of time together growing up. SIL is a childhood friend of mine. The two of them met at DH's and my wedding and were married almost exactly a year later. Although they live a few hours' drive from us, we spend a lot of time visiting at each other's homes and are very close. So it was special to have them come to be a part of DH's birthday bash.

We had a big party with lots of family and friends. For many of them, it was the first time they'd gotten to see William. He was of course cooed over, cuddled and passed around. He loved the attention.

At not quite 3 months, William would break into a big grin and coo up into your face, fixing his big eyes on yours and lighting up the room. His greatest delight was reserved for his mother. He'd catch sight of her and his whole face and body would be animated with a big toothless grin.

We had 5 wonderful days of enjoying my sister- and brother-in-law and their two little boys. Their 2-year-old always gets along marvelously with our girls and they have so much fun together. I spent a lot of time just holding William and talking to him. He was so beautiful, interactive and healthy.

After the time with us and another day with SIL's family, they went home. William had completely won me over to the idea of having another baby, and sometime during the next few days our Baby E was conceived. (We wouldn't find out, of course, until a few weeks later.)

2 days after they went home, William didn't wake up from his nap. Our world was shattered. This beautiful, perfectly healthy baby was gone just like that.

I know how much it hurt--and still hurts--for me, and I can only imagine what it's been like for our BIL and SIL.

Here's an excerpt from the blog entry I wrote a few days later:

That Friday I received one of the most devastating telephone calls I could imagine. My mother-in-law called and told me that BIL and SIL's nearly three-month-old baby, William, had died suddenly that afternoon. The days since then have been something of a blur. If only there was something we could do or say to somehow ease the pain. But there is little we can do other than cry with and pray for them.

We all loved little William so much--he was a very special baby. He was bright, engaging and interactive far above his age level. I can still see his bright eyes connecting with his mother's, and see him break into a big, toothless, full-bodied grin. I can hear him coo and babble.

SIDS is a terrible and frightening thing--one moment a baby is healthy and alive, and in the next breath he is gone. There was nothing anybody could do.

I know that somehow God has a plan in this, but it is beyond my understanding. It doesn't seem fair that these two wonderful people who are incredible parents should lose two children (the first to miscarriage four years ago, when SIL and I were pregnant together with her first baby and my A).

I have found myself wondering if I'd had the choice to give up one of my children instead, would I have been able to do it--and then remembering that God did exactly that. He gave His only Son, in place of my life and yours. He knows what it means to lose a child--by His own choosing.

I know He understands and cares. May He give us all, and especially BIL and SIL, peace and some measure of understanding--or at least acceptance and trust.


Here is what BIL and SIL shared about it with their church, family and friends in April. BIL said:

As most of you know, five months ago, back on November 12th, our baby William died unexpectedly. He was three months old. This is still hard for us to talk about.

It happened on that Friday afternoon; both S and I were home. That morning, little William had laughed out loud for the first time. He was a big baby and full of life. We put him down for his nap before noon. At 12:30 we went to check on him, and he was dead.

S and I of course will never forget that day. Many details are burned into our minds -- my long efforts to revive William, the paramedics telling us it was hopeless, our holding his body in our arms one last time before the coroner took him for his autopsy.

The autopsy results said it was SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. That means they don't know what caused him to die.

Someone asks: Why did it happen? We don't know. We do know God does NOT DELIGHT in death. But sometimes God's purposes are a mystery, and we don't know why He allows things to happen.

But as I walk through this dark valley, with S, by God's grace I have been able to see SOME THINGS more clearly than I did before. I'd like to mention three things.

FIRST, God never gives a burden heavier than we can carry.

I'm reminded of a story told by Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian woman who was sent to Nazi concentration camps in WW2 where she saw her father and sister die. She tells a story of a time when she was a little girl and her father wanted to teach her an important lesson. He asked her to pick up their suitcase. They were traveling somewhere and the suitcase was full. Corrie struggled but couldn't lift the suitcase. Her father said, don't worry, I'll carry it. Then he said, I love you, and I will never give you a suitcase heavier than you can lift, and God loves you, and he will never give you a suitcase heavier than you can lift.

It's a promise in the Bible, in I Cor 10:13 and Matthew 11:30.

S and I are not strong people, but God has given us the strength every day to carry this burden. And this promise helps us be free from FEAR OF THE FUTURE. No matter what happens, we know God will not let it overwhelm us.

SECOND, I know more clearly than before that God uses His church to support His people.

S and I cannot thank you-all enough for your love and your comfort, your concern and your help to us over the last 5 months. We needed you, and you were there for us.

I heard about a woman whose life fell apart after a SIDS death. She got divorced. She said she could never have another child because of the FEAR of losing it. Only Jesus can conquer that fear and give hope.

(pause) Incidentally, S and I are looking forward to a new baby this coming November.

The THIRD thing I see more clearly now is that this world is not my home. Part of my family is already home.

I'm not as attached to this world as I was. This world is temporary. C.S. Lewis called earth the "Shadowlands," in contrast to heaven which is full of light, and no death.

I Corinthians [7:31] tells me, "this world is passing away."

James [4:14] says, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

Matthew [6:19-21] tells me, Don't store your treasure on earth where moth and rust and thieves will take it. Store your treasure in heaven: no moth, no rust, no thieves.

As S and I walk together through this valley of the shadow of death, we remember it's just a SHADOW of death on this earth. Jesus conquered death once and for all. The shadowlands are temporary -- this will all pass away, and the morning of heaven
will come. It will be a great reunion.

So those are the things God has helped me see more clearly:
* He never gives a burden heavier than we can carry
* He uses all of us, His church, to love people who are hurting
* And He has a better place than this earth ready and waiting for us

Now S has some verses she wants to share.

[S tells how Psalm 27:13-14 (KJV) helped us]

Nine months later, I am amazed at the blessing and healing God has brought even in the midst of pain. I have seen BIL's and SIL's faith and their relationship with God carry them through this pain, along with the love and support of family and friends. My own faith was shaken but came out stronger in the fire. I still don't understand, but somehow I trust that God is faithful even in this. And I can already see some ways in which God has used a bad thing for good in bringing knowledge, comfort and healing to BIL, SIL and through them to others whom their lives touch.

William left a legacy--both his own precious memory, the love and light he brought into all our lives, and the way he has caused us to treasure our children here and now. I still think of him every day.

We can't take a moment with our children for granted. We never know how long we will have them, but because of William we treasure each day in a way we didn't before.

Each hug from my children, each touch of Baby E's skin, carries a special depth and sweetness. Every facial expression, every sweet word, every moment of pure joy is a gift I lock away in my heart and will never let go.