One of Those Days

I took Baby E to the doctor today because she's been sick for a week now. Although the illness itself seems to be getting better, she is still coughing and stuffy. Her fussiness, discomfort and inability to sleep just keep getting worse.

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We weren't able to see our regular pediatrician, but saw another one at the office. That is, we saw another doctor once I realized we were at the wrong building, got the kids back into the parking garage, strapped the screaming baby back into her carseat, buckled the other kids in and drove down the block to the clinic's new building, and then waited for 25 minutes or so in the waiting room and the examining room.

The doctor checked Baby E's ears, throat, lungs, etc. and said she seemed perfectly fine. She's definitely teething, he said, and her stomach sounded like it was churning, which would be consistent with the sporadic diarrhea she's had. He said that the teething could cause diarrhea because of increased secretions in her mouth.

I asked if there was any chance that the illness we've had could be a mild version of pertussis, since according to the CDC and other research I've done, pertussis often looks like a regular cold with a cough.

Since the girls have been coughing for 2 1/2 weeks now and Baby E did have a period of time where she was coughing and having trouble breathing, it seemed like something to at least consider. Especially since the other family we knew that had the same symptoms at the same time all ended up needing antibiotics because the illness was so severe and prolonged. I also found it interesting that I'm the only one who hasn't gotten sick this time around, and after reading about pertussis I'm pretty sure I had it as a teenager.

The doctor said that because Baby E's lungs were clear and she didn't have the classic cough, there was no way it could be pertussis.

As I've researched pertussis, sources seem to agree that mild pertussis is quite common and very difficult to diagnose because it mimics the symptoms of the common cold. It's a significant possibility of a cause for any coughing illness, especially one with a cough lasting 14 days or more. Since the efficacy of the vaccine only lasts at full strength for about 3 years and wears off mostly or completely over the next 2-7 years, and the vaccine is at best 70-80% effective in the first place, pertussis is still quite a common disease. In fact (unusual for vaccine-preventable diseases) it's a disease very much on the rise.

The About.com article on pertussis says, "By age 5 to 10 years, most children no longer have immunity and can become infected with pertussis, and although they are likely to have mild symptoms and none of the complications that plague younger children, they can pass it on to younger children who are not yet immune."

The main reason I'm interested is because if it did happen to be pertussis, then Baby E wouldn't need to be vaccinated for it.

I told the doctor that Baby E was miserable--very fussy, in pain, and not sleeping--and asked if he had any suggestions for helping her through this. He said to give her Tylenol. I told him we'd been doing that for the past week and it didn't seem to help much, but he was already leaving the room by that point.

The entire appointment took about 5 minutes.

I often end up feeling frustrated after seeing the doctor. If I'm taking a child to the doctor because I'm concerned about something or we're having a hard time coping with the fussiness, lack of sleep, etc. it would be nice if they'd take the time to try to help with the issue or make some suggestions for making the child more comfortable after determining that it's nothing serious (although I'm glad it's nothing serious!).

I'm thinking that maybe I should start using a naturopath more often for non-urgent things. Our naturopath always takes the time to really find out what's going on and give suggestions to help, even if it's just something simple like a change in the way we're doing something. It seems to be a difference in the approach to pursuing overall general health versus just deciding whether the kid needs medicine or not.

We had to stop for a few groceries before we went home. The two older girls got to pick out a prize at the dollar store next door for reaching a star on their chore charts. They opted for mylar balloons. AJ chose a pink balloon with flowers and the words "Bridal Shower" on it, and MM chose a shiny red heart-shaped balloon.

Baby E did all right for the most part while we were out, as long as she was being distracted by something interesting. But when we got home she became very fussy again.

For the past week or so she's been especially clingy and fussy, to the point that I haven't been able to put her down even to use the bathroom unless I'm willing to put up with flat-out hysterical screaming the whole time I'm gone, and then several minutes of trying to calm her down and wipe her poor stuffy nose after I pick her up again. I've gotten pretty good at doing most things while holding her--even washing my hands. She hasn't been sleeping much at nap time or at night no matter what we try, so we're all tired.

Tonight she cried and wriggled even while I was holding her, but really screamed when I put her down. It was obvious she was in pain. I tried teething gel, Hyland's teething tablets, Tylenol and trying to put her down for a nap, all with no success. I did discover that two upper teeth started breaking through the skin today. Several more seem to be following close behind. I hope it's not long before they start feeling a bit better.

I finally just sat down and cried with her--a scenario that's happened quite a few times this week. I feel so badly because she's so miserable and nothing I do seems to help. She's taking up most of my time and attention, and yet the older girls are still not feeling that great either and are whiny and feeling the lack of attention as I try to tend to Baby E.

They follow me around, hanging on to my clothes. They get testy with Baby E. They bicker. Today AJ came to find me, tears running down her face. "I don't know why I'm crying, Mommy. I just started crying. I don't know why." She just needed help brushing her hair, but we've all been fighting this malaise lately.

I kept reminding myself that things did get easier after the first year with the older girls, and that Baby E will be 10 months old tomorrow. The first year is almost over. I'm really hoping things will get easier soon.

Finally, I decided that we'd all go outside and take a walk. Maybe it would distract Baby E, and the fresh air, sunshine and exercise would do us good.

We had a great time walking around the neighborhood. Baby E perked up once I got her into the front wrap and started moving. I allowed the girls to take their balloons along on the condition that they would keep them tied to their wrists without trying to remove or move them.

AJ and MM ran ahead, laughing, while Baby E chuckled at their balloons dancing behind them. I could barely keep up; how silly of me to think I could walk faster alone. The balloons danced shiningly on their strings and we laughed when we had to stop and untangle them. The sky was blue, with white puffy clouds. All three children giggled, and so did I. We were happy.

We stopped on the way back to watch a group of crows chasing a larger bird. As they swooped over our heads, I gasped. It was a dark brown bird with a wide wingspan and a white head.

"Look, girls!" I could hardly believe my eyes. "A bald eagle! That's a bald eagle. Look!" A bald eagle, here in our suburban neighborhood. It was a smallish one, as eagles go (although huge compared to the ravens), but the coloring was distinctive.

We stood and watched until the crows drove the eagle out of sight. How I wished I had my camera.

When we got back, it was dinner time. But the kids were so happy and wanted so badly to stay outdoors that, since DH wasn't home anyway and leftovers were on the menu, we stayed out a little longer. I pulled a few weeds while Baby E wriggled in my arms or played on the grass nearby. AJ and MM helped weed a bit. I showed them the strawberries beginning to turn color, and we looked forward to being able to taste them soon. The girls were very excited about that.

Then AJ and MM ran around the driveway and up the sidewalk, just enjoying their balloons blowing in the wind, until Baby E became impatient and I said it was time to go inside and eat dinner.

Just then, there was a snapping sound. MM's dismayed cry rose; "Oh, no, my balloon! It's going up in the air! It's floating away! Catch it; my balloon! MY BALLOON!!!" It had caught on the van and the ribbon had broken, leaving a welt on her wrist where it had been tied. She was left with a few inches of red ribbon as the balloon flew upwards.

She was hysterical. I hugged her and tried to comfort her as we watched the balloon fly up and up into the blue sky. The evening was clear enough that we could see it for miles. We watched it until the gleaming red dot disappeared into the puffy white clouds far away.

"My balloon is going up into Heaven. It's gone forever. My balloon will never come back down to us, will it?"

"It will come down somewhere, eventually. But, no, not here. It will probably come down a long way away from here. See how far away it is already?"

Poor MM. She had been so careful, and so good about leaving the balloon tied to her wrist. And it was gone. We talked about how much fun the balloon might have, flying high in the air. AJ generously offered her balloon to MM, but MM didn't want it. We went inside to start dinner.

None of it helped. MM was heartbroken. Her precious balloon was gone.

To distract her, I offered to take a picture of her balloon string to remember it by.

She liked that idea. So she, Baby E and I stepped outside for just a moment to take advantage of the fading light for a photo. As I snapped several photos, she calmed down quite a bit.



Then there was a cry behind us.

"Now my balloon's going up in the air!"

AJ had taken her balloon string off her wrist when we'd gone back inside. She had gone to get it again when we went back out, though, and as she followed us out the door she must have let go of the string.



Now both girls were crying frantically. They hugged each other and me, bawling at the top of their lungs. I tried not to drop Baby E or the camera as I held them both and let them cry, sympathizing about the loss of their balloons. AJ said something about her balloon going on an adventure, but it didn't seem to comfort either of them much.

Their howls echoed around the cul-de-sac, and I suddenly found myself fighting the urge to laugh as I wondered what the neighbors must be thinking.

I couldn't believe AJ had brought her balloon out without having it tied to anything and then let go of it after just watching MM lose hers. I made the mistake of saying something along that line. Should have kept my mouth shut on that one.

"I can't stop crying, Mommy. I don't know why. I just keep crying."

"You cry when you're sad sometimes. It's okay to be sad."



My efforts at brightening the day had gone rather awry.

Later that evening, after MM had knocked Baby E down, giving her a welt across one eyebrow, and then dumped out her glass of ice water at dinner, I commented, "It's just been one of those days, hasn't it?"

"One of what days?" MM asked.

"One of those days where nothing seems to go right."

AJ said, "Well, it went right when we had our balloons. That walk was really fun."

"But now our balloons are gone!"

Both girls started crying all over again. I sat on the couch and held them.

After I let them cry awhile, I said, "We did have a lot of fun on our walk, didn't we? Are you glad you took the balloons on the walk even though we ended up losing them, or do you wish we'd left them at home? Was it worth it?"

They decided it was worth it. They were glad they'd taken the balloons out and enjoyed them.

I agreed. They got more fun out of the balloons bouncing in the wind and gleaming in the sunshine than they would have by leaving them in the house. The balloons would have been safer and lasted longer, but we wouldn't have that shiningly joyful experience with them.

Isn't that how life is, really? We have to balance the risks and benefits of our decisions. But if we never took risks, how much we'd miss.