No Comparison

I shouldn't have baked that second pie tonight. After Baby E finally went to sleep sometime after 1 a.m. I still had to take the pie out of the oven and wait for it to cool enough to put in the refrigerator. No snow here (who was it that was talking about setting their turkey soup in the snow to cool?). Oh, well.

The pies look good. Hopefully I have the recipe worked out enough now so that we'll have a good pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.

I just wrote a note to a friend who had someone tell her that, even though she lost her child, she should at least be thankful that she got to experience being pregnant and having loved her child for a little while. That some people never even get to experience that.

Although it may be true on some level, that sort of thing isn't usually particularly helpful when spoken to someone who is deeply hurting. As MB said, you can't compare pain.

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I've had a few people tell me that they understand what we've gone through with Baby E because their baby had colic and cried a lot for 6 weeks, or 9 weeks, or whatever.

I think, "9 weeks. 9 weeks is such a short time." But I don't say it. I know that 9 weeks of inconsolable screaming seems like an eternity. Even one day of it seems like an eternity.

I just say, "It's hard, isn't it, when your baby cries and you can't comfort them." And I feel for them. I know it was hard for them.

Then I get an e-mail from someone who tells me her child was in a level purple 90% of the time for 3 years. Three years. Or more. And our little troubles seem so small in comparison.

What I try not to think about is the various possible diagnoses. I try not to think about the possibility of Baby E's illness or whatever it is becoming truly long-term. The possibility that it could get worse. The prognosis with some of the things they'll be trying to rule out for Baby E. That, for some parents, their children never do get better. That sometimes kids get really sick. That sometimes children go.

I try not to think about a scenario where E has a very serious condition that's not going to go away. But those other parents, they have to face that. And, somehow, they survive. Just as we would if we had to face it, with God's help.

But you can't compare and contrast things like that, can you? You just know that nobody else can really understand what you've experienced.

To those who are hurting, all I can say is this: I can't truly understand your pain, but I do respect it. And I care.