The War Drobe
Yesterday I got to my OB (midwife) appointment, kids and babysitter in tow, only to find out the MW was out on a delivery. They had tried to call me just as I was leaving home.
I didn't want to just take the babysitter home without using her yet again. Instead, I decided to splurge a bit.
Wearing baggy, ill-fitting clothes had long ago gotten frustrating. I'd been wanting to get a new pair of jeans for quite some time. It's so hard to try on clothes in those itty-bitty dressing rooms with 3 kids in tow, though, that I almost never do things like that.
We went to the mall.
#########
We picked up the prescription for my new contact lenses (woohoo!). Then I left the kids and the babysitter in the play area while I went to a nearby store to try on clothes.
The "skinny pants" I bought after AJ was born were a size 6. Even at my smallest I was always pear-shaped. In high school and college I was buying kids' size shirts and size 8 ladies' pants. Recently I've noticed that even my couple of pairs of size 6 pants are kind of baggy. I have to wear a belt to keep them from falling down. The size 8 slacks are so baggy that they're highly uncomfortable to wear.
I thought maybe the size 6 pants had just gotten stretched out, or perhaps a different style would fit better. So I gathered up some size 6 jeans to try on, and a few pair in size 4 just in case.
Hmmm, I thought. I might as well see if there's any chance a size four fits first. That way if it's too small I'll know to concentrate on the sixes.
I put on the size 4. It was too big.
How strange, I thought. That must be an unusually large four. Sometimes sizes can be funny that way.
So I tried on a 4 in another style. And another. They were all too big.
I had to go back and find some pants in size 2. They fit, but of course most of them were too long. It's really hard to find pants that are short enough in the leg and long enough in the rise for me. I'm one of those people that's tall sitting down and short standing up--long in the torso and short in the leg.
Finally, the very last pair of pants I tried on fit reasonably well. They were a size 4, but not as baggy as some of the others. And they were just an inch or two too long--enough that I could hope they would shrink to a good fit if I washed and dried them at a high enough temperature. They were on clearance, so I bought them.
Trying on more clothes at a few more stores last night and today confirmed it: depending on the style, I can sometimes wear a size 1 or 4, but my "true size" is a size 2.
This flabbergasts me. I never dreamed I would ever in my adult life be a size 2, no matter what the scale said. I'm not small-boned. As my midwife says, I have a hips and pelvis "built for childbearing."
Where did my hips and seat go? How could I be a size 6 at 99 lbs at age 24, and a size 2 at 101 lbs (yes, I lost those couple of pounds again this week with being sick) a few days shy of age 30? Did I just wear clothes that much too big for me back then (I know the size 6 pants fit me up to at least 118 lbs), or is it because that I get more exercise now with a 2-story house, a lifestyle that includes more walking, and 3 active children to chase?
On the one hand, it brought home the fact that, yes, I really need to stop losing weight. Yes, I'm probably too thin.
But on the other hand, a size 2! I never dreamed I'd be a size 2. I'm finally proportional!
Wearing larger clothes doesn't make me any bigger, so I may as well wear clothes that fit. I found a bunch of pants and a few blouses that fit me well, mostly at a $2 sale at my favorite consignment shop. I managed to build almost an entire wardrobe for about $40.
I feel so much better and less encumbered now that I have clothes that fit. I don't feel like my clothes are falling off or that I'm getting tangled up in them. I can move more freely. I like wearing clothes that fit. What a novel idea!
Tonight I'm going to start bagging up for charity all but my very favorite old clothes. I'm going to box up anything above size 4 that I decide to keep. I can hardly wait to get rid of all the closet clutter and the clothes I was keeping just because they might fit again someday, even though I never wore them much when they did fit. I'll actually be able to easily fit my clothes into my drawers and closet for the first time in years.
I feel so conflicted--like I should feel bad about being so thin. On one level I do, I guess. But since I'm feeling better physically the last few days and am certainly not limiting my food intake in any way, it doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. I almost feel that as long as I don't continue to lose weight, I'd be happy to stay this way.
I never aspired to be a size 2. I don't expect it to last. But since I am a size 2, is it wrong to enjoy it?
I didn't want to just take the babysitter home without using her yet again. Instead, I decided to splurge a bit.
Wearing baggy, ill-fitting clothes had long ago gotten frustrating. I'd been wanting to get a new pair of jeans for quite some time. It's so hard to try on clothes in those itty-bitty dressing rooms with 3 kids in tow, though, that I almost never do things like that.
We went to the mall.
#########
We picked up the prescription for my new contact lenses (woohoo!). Then I left the kids and the babysitter in the play area while I went to a nearby store to try on clothes.
The "skinny pants" I bought after AJ was born were a size 6. Even at my smallest I was always pear-shaped. In high school and college I was buying kids' size shirts and size 8 ladies' pants. Recently I've noticed that even my couple of pairs of size 6 pants are kind of baggy. I have to wear a belt to keep them from falling down. The size 8 slacks are so baggy that they're highly uncomfortable to wear.
I thought maybe the size 6 pants had just gotten stretched out, or perhaps a different style would fit better. So I gathered up some size 6 jeans to try on, and a few pair in size 4 just in case.
Hmmm, I thought. I might as well see if there's any chance a size four fits first. That way if it's too small I'll know to concentrate on the sixes.
I put on the size 4. It was too big.
How strange, I thought. That must be an unusually large four. Sometimes sizes can be funny that way.
So I tried on a 4 in another style. And another. They were all too big.
I had to go back and find some pants in size 2. They fit, but of course most of them were too long. It's really hard to find pants that are short enough in the leg and long enough in the rise for me. I'm one of those people that's tall sitting down and short standing up--long in the torso and short in the leg.
Finally, the very last pair of pants I tried on fit reasonably well. They were a size 4, but not as baggy as some of the others. And they were just an inch or two too long--enough that I could hope they would shrink to a good fit if I washed and dried them at a high enough temperature. They were on clearance, so I bought them.
Trying on more clothes at a few more stores last night and today confirmed it: depending on the style, I can sometimes wear a size 1 or 4, but my "true size" is a size 2.
This flabbergasts me. I never dreamed I would ever in my adult life be a size 2, no matter what the scale said. I'm not small-boned. As my midwife says, I have a hips and pelvis "built for childbearing."
Where did my hips and seat go? How could I be a size 6 at 99 lbs at age 24, and a size 2 at 101 lbs (yes, I lost those couple of pounds again this week with being sick) a few days shy of age 30? Did I just wear clothes that much too big for me back then (I know the size 6 pants fit me up to at least 118 lbs), or is it because that I get more exercise now with a 2-story house, a lifestyle that includes more walking, and 3 active children to chase?
On the one hand, it brought home the fact that, yes, I really need to stop losing weight. Yes, I'm probably too thin.
But on the other hand, a size 2! I never dreamed I'd be a size 2. I'm finally proportional!
Wearing larger clothes doesn't make me any bigger, so I may as well wear clothes that fit. I found a bunch of pants and a few blouses that fit me well, mostly at a $2 sale at my favorite consignment shop. I managed to build almost an entire wardrobe for about $40.
I feel so much better and less encumbered now that I have clothes that fit. I don't feel like my clothes are falling off or that I'm getting tangled up in them. I can move more freely. I like wearing clothes that fit. What a novel idea!
Tonight I'm going to start bagging up for charity all but my very favorite old clothes. I'm going to box up anything above size 4 that I decide to keep. I can hardly wait to get rid of all the closet clutter and the clothes I was keeping just because they might fit again someday, even though I never wore them much when they did fit. I'll actually be able to easily fit my clothes into my drawers and closet for the first time in years.
I feel so conflicted--like I should feel bad about being so thin. On one level I do, I guess. But since I'm feeling better physically the last few days and am certainly not limiting my food intake in any way, it doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. I almost feel that as long as I don't continue to lose weight, I'd be happy to stay this way.
I never aspired to be a size 2. I don't expect it to last. But since I am a size 2, is it wrong to enjoy it?
Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
Posted by purple_kangaroo at 8:35 PM[Permanent link]
8 Comments:
No, not at all wrong to enjoy it!
It's hard for me to picture you as a size 6, having met you -- what an unusual transformation.
Glad you got to have some fun buying new stuff -- I agree, going about in clothes that don't fit can be miserable.
I was wearing size 6 slacks that day, and a size 4 jacket that I thought ran big. :)
Or was it a skirt I was wearing with the red jacket the day I met you? Either way, it was a size 6. :)
I will never be a size 2, even if I weighed 99 pounds (at which point I'd probably be hospitalized, since I'm 5'7"), so enjoy it for me.
I aspire to someday whittle myself down to a 12. Maybe when someday comes, I can scratch the 1 off and pretend it's a size 2. :)
Wow, I thought you were "well proportioned" in college. I'm having trouble imagining you any skinnier than when we were in college together!!
For some reason I thought that you only wore skirts...??? ( College was a long time ago :))
I could never wear a size 2 just from the stand point of my hip bones, I've always been very shall we say curvy, but my hips are slightly larger now that I've born children. I don't even know what pant size I would try on if I wanted to. (and I dont :))
At any rate gain some weight my dear!!
A in PA
You should definitely enjoy it. But as for how it works, there's been some size creep going on in the fashion industry over the past several years. "Vanity sizing" is what they call it, I think. I wear a smaller size now than I used to at my lowest weight.
I have the opposite fitting problems -- long legs (proportionally), short torso. And all my curves are in my shirt size, while I wear boys' pants.
I feel uneasy about you 'enjoying' being a size 2 -- it sounds as if you feel you look better as a size 2. I don't want you to think you look better as a size 2, because I think you looked great at a size 6, and I believe that would be healthier for you. When you do gain weight again for your health, I don't want you to feel you are too big. -JT (a size 8, in case you wanted to know :)
Amy, I think aspiring to good health is more important than aspiring to any particular size, KWIM? If I can be healthy, I don't think I care much what size I am. I know that I'm too thin now because it's affecting my health, so I need to gain some weight.
A in PA, I finally figured out who you are! LOL, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out who I know that lives in PA and has a name starting with A. I forgot you lived there now.
I had to laugh about the skirts thing. Since our university had a dress code requiring skirts, you never saw me in pants outside the dorm room, of course. I used to wear a lot more skirts and dresses than I do now, although I almost always still wear a skirt when I want to look nice.
Phantom Scribbler, now you've got me wondering about the extent of size creep.
JT, that's a good point. And you look fabulous!
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