Art Therapy

AJ had her last session at the play therapist's today. The therapist has been teaching me how to do the play therapy with AJ. The last couple of sessions have been me doing it with AJ at the therapist's office with the T observing and giving feedback. She feels I'm ready to do it on my own, so from now on we'll just do it at home.

It's been really interesting watching how AJ uses the various toys and activities to process her feelings. Here's a picture she drew today.



She said, "It's a giraffe that's unhappy because he doesn't like having colorful spots. He wants to have plain spots like everybody else, so he's very sad. He doesn't like being different. He doesn't know yet that he's special."

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We had a good little conversation about it, and how people feel like that sometimes too, yet it's often their differences that make them special.

When we got home, we had to rush to secretly wrap up the picture, because AJ decided it would be a gift for M&M. She's quite proud of it.

I'm proud of her--not just her creativity and expression, but also the way she's learning to process through the things that bother her, and the wisdom with which she so often resolves things.

Painting

AJ broke her week and a half streak of being meltdown-free in style.

Today's bout of yelling and crying lasted an hour. It went through several changes of location and venue, but sustained the same topic for the entire hour: AJ thought M&M's homeschool co-op classes sounded like more fun than her own. She wanted to be in Mrs. T's class with M&M.

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She howled all the way through gathering our things together, turning in our name tags, making our way through the crowd and out of the building, getting a cup left behind last week and chatting with the other mom who had saved it for us, the ride home, lunch preparations, etc. She refused to eat lunch and finally went up to her room to cry alone, stalking up and down the hallway upstairs shouting her misery and sobbing at the top of her lungs.

I kept timing it, wondering how long she could keep going on the same subject without running out of steam. After I had tried everything I could think of without success, I ended up (as usual) just letting her carry on off in a corner of the house until she wore herself out.

Finally, when she started winding down, I went and asked her if she'd like to paint the way she was feeling. She thought that was a great idea.

I had gone shopping last night, and one of the things I did was replenish our supply of paints. All the kids like painting so much. AJ especially loves painting and all types of artistic creativity, and said that was her favorite part of play therapy. The lack of art in her co-op classes was a big point she was upset about, too.

Since the paints we'd been using lately were normal acrylics, and not the washable kind, I'd been letting the kids paint only under very close supervision and not as often as they'd like. The times we'd painted this week, it was a tad bit stressful trying to make sure any spilled paint got cleaned up right away, etc.

Today I gave each of the three kids their own little box of RoseArt washable watercolors, a paintbrush, a little cup for water, a mixing palate, and a supply of paper. I told the two older girls that these are their paints to use however they choose. As long as they aren't supposed to be doing anything else, they can use these paints any time they want to and in any way they like.

The only rules are that they need to make sure the area is cleared off so there's nothing on the desk or table that might be ruined by a spill, and that they clean up after themselves (probably with some help from me) when they're finished. I'm not worried about either of them trying to paint on anything inappropriate, so I didn't even mention that.

The kids really liked that idea. Their eyes got big as they repeated, "We don't even have to ask first? We can just start painting? Wow!"

All three kids had a wonderful time painting. To my surprise, AJ's painting didn't seem to reflect dark feelings at all. Instead she painted a picture about the puppet show she saw in one of her classes, and then a picture of the world she wished she could live in--a fantasy world full of bright colors, fruit, flowers and sunshine.

Lately she's been enjoying coloring things fanciful colors--today it was a purple tree with a red trunk and "black oranges" under a purple sunshine. I'm no expert, but to me it seems to be a positive thing that she has moved beyond feeling that she needs to make things look the way they are in real life. She's enjoying experimenting with colors and playing with adding twists to make her imaginary world unique. That playful approach to art and newfound freedom to break out of the "shoulds" is a recent development (in the last week or two, I think) that seems very healthy to me.

M&M and Baby E both had a lot of fun experimenting with various colors, textures and brush strokes without trying to draw anything descriptive. The painting session kept all three girls peacefully occupied for quite some time.

Later, when I talked with AJ, she said that painting helped her to feel more calm after her meltdown. I suggested that next time she's feeling really upset about something, maybe she should try painting to see if that helps her to calm herself down. Expressing her feelings in a painting when she is upset or angry might help a lot. She could paint instead of yelling and crying.

She liked that idea and agreed to try it.

Later in the evening Baby E did something (not sharing a toy, I think) that really upset AJ. AJ started to yell and cry, and then abruptly she stopped and said, "Mom, can I paint?"

And she did.

I was so proud of her.


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All three kids have been a bit whiny and short-fused the last few days. I think it's a combination of factors--there's been some extra stress in the last day or two, we're still adjusting to the new schedule and activities, nobody has been sleeping well, etc. Also, DH had a lapse of memory today and packed the two older girls a snack of storebought blueberry muffins--complete with all sorts of sugar, preservatives, and dairy products. We're certainly trying to take note of all the variables.

I'm not sure Baby E's trial of corn derivatives has really been completely successful, either. She has been having a lot more trouble sleeping and staying asleep again for the last week or two, and is a lot moodier again. We're going to try taking her back off the corn derivatives to see if it makes a difference or not.

It will be interesting to see whether dairy products end up being a significant factor for AJ or not. It's obviously not the only factor, as she was struggling a bit more the last couple of days and having a bit of potty anxiety again even before the milk.

But I found it very interesting that she had a fairly significant mood change after eating her snack. She enjoyed the morning classes and even told me, Mrs. T and her friends that Friday school was much better this week and she liked it better this time after the sessions were over for the day. Then, about an hour or two after eating her snack, she had an abrupt and rather sudden transition with no apparent trigger from being fine and in a pretty good mood to complete meltdown mode.

Although, now that I'm writing this, I also realized that I completely forgot to give her warning and time to adjust before leaving. I was letting the kids play while I helped clean up in Mrs. T's classroom, and when we were done I just sort of said, "Okay, kids, let's go. Time to stop coloring and erase the white boards; come on," and walked out, expecting them to follow me. That's when the meltdown about AJ's wanting to be in Mrs. T's class began.

So it could have been the abrupt transition that set her off, or a combination of things. DH said that she was really out-of-sorts this morning after he got her up and started rushing her to get ready while I showered and nursed Baby E. Not enough transition time and being rushed seems to be a big issue for AJ.

Hopefully putting all these clues together will give us the tools we need to help life run more smoothly for everyone.

Play Therapy

AJ had her first play therapy session today. It was really interesting to watch. The therapist quietly sat with AJ while she played, observing and talking with her. She told AJ that she could tell her anything at all, and talk about anything she wished.

AJ spent quite a long time petting the therapist's cat. The therapist told AJ the story of how she'd gotten the cat, which had previously been mistreated, how the cat chose this new home, and how the cat learned to feel safe again.

It was quite interesting to watch . . . the therapist just let AJ play and explore however she wanted to with the various toys, dress-up supplies, art supplies and other things in the house.

With a bit of gentle prompting from the therapist, AJ kept up a running chatter while she played.

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There was a sand box on a stand, and AJ set up an elaborate ocean scene in it with toys. She told the therapist the names of all the different sea creatures. "This one is a horseshoe crab, and that one's a squid, and this one is a killer whale. This one I call a blow-up fish, but it's actually called a puffer fish."

"You know all their names!" the therapist said, and AJ said almost apologetically, "Not all of them . . . just some of them." Then she proceeded to tell her the names of a bunch more.

Some of the creatures she said were mommies and babies. She put two divers into the scene and said they were there to keep all the fish safe. When asked which character would be herself in the scene, she pointed to a statuette of the Little Mermaid and talked about how much she would like to dive and swim under the water.

The therapist, mostly just by giving AJ her full attention, listening well, inserting occasional well-placed questions, and reflecting back to AJ the things she said, had AJ talking about various things including herself, her family and friends, and some of her recent frustrations.

They talked, for instance, about how MM swings higher and runs faster than AJ does. "But now I'm getting used to it," AJ said. I had to smile, thinking of how this week her extreme and seemingly constant meltdowns about the subject abruptly ended.

They talked, as I often have with her, about how there are other things AJ does best, and how everyone has different things they're good at. The therapist reassured AJ that even if M&M sometimes is better at things than AJ, AJ will always be the oldest.

Partway through the session, AJ said, "This is a really comfortable room. I like it." Then she looked up at the therapist and said, "It's almost like you're my mom."

I thought it was neat that she compared the warm, comfortable setting and the soft-spoken, attentive therapist to being with her mommy. :)

Toward the end of the session AJ drew a picture of her house and a tree, with herself and M&M in the window. As she worked she talked about her family, her wish for a horse, and her thoughts about being the oldest child.

As we got in the car to drive home, AJ said decisively, "That lady is a doctor, all right."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. "You think she's like a doctor?"

"Yes. A doctor for happiness."

"I guess she is sort of like a doctor, in a way. That kind of doctor is called a counselor, or therapist. Spending time with her made you feel happy?"

"Yes. I can't wait until next week."

As we drove home, AJ told me that when she grew up she was going to bring her children to this doctor so she could make them happy, too.

"But," she said, "by the time my kids are old enough she might not be alive any more, because she's pretty old. She's already 64. I don't know if she'll still be around when I want to take my kids to see her."

Then she decided that when I was old--64, like the counselor--I should learn how to become that kind of doctor, too. I should move into my own house and get lots of neat toys and art supplies, and then I could help AJ's kids learn how to be happy.

Of course I said that sounded like fun, and that I would love to play with AJ's kids and help make them happy. AJ said that when she turned 64 she wanted to become a therapist too. Then she and I could both make everyone happy.

I thought it was really interesting that she would call the counselor a "doctor for happiness" and say that she made people happy, because that's not something we said to her. During one of her meltdowns, I did ask her if she would like to talk to someone about the things that were bothering her, and we had talked about how we might be able to find someone who would try to help her figure out how to feel better and how to help herself calm down when she was upset.

As far as I know, the "doctor for happiness" idea was just something she came up with on her own.