Story time--but please, no Junie B.

It's amazing what a difference a little more sleep and timely, healthy meals with no refined sugars can make. Today is going much more smoothly. We even mostly have our sweet, cooperative girls back.

I've been reading to the girls while nursing Baby E. Well, theoretically anyway. More often these days Baby E decides the book looks much more exciting than eating does, so she ends up sitting up in my lap looking at (and trying to grab) the book while we read.

Yesterday we finished the first book in the Little House on the Prairie series--Little House in the Big Woods. It's perfect for the girls' age level. The main character, Laura Ingalls, is about AJ's age and the narration is simple but picturesque.

Today we read the first two chapters of "Little House on the Prairie" (the second book in the series) while our lunch (oven pancake) baked.

The girls listened breathlessly as Laura and her family embarked on a journey Out West in their covered wagon. As the second chapter ended, it seemed that their dog Jack had drowned in a difficult and dangerous river crossing.

It was hard to stop there, but it was time for lunch and quiet time. I can't wait to see how excited the girls will be when it turns out Jack isn't dead after all.

AJ is reading to herself now during quiet time and throughout the day. I'm on the lookout for some good "chapter books" (with fairly short chapters) that would interest an almost 5-year-old who is mature for her age and reading well.

DH and the girls bought some Junie B. Jones books for AJ at Costco a couple of days ago. Unfortunately the 4-book set was sealed in plastic, so DH had to make a decision based on the box and AJ's insistence that these were the books she wanted. After all, we had told her she could pick out her own book as a reward for learning to read.

I had my doubts just from seeing the titles, and after opening them and seeing the stories DH and I agree that they are going back to the store.

They may be funny, but the behavior and language are far from the kind we want our girls emulating.

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The main character is constantly calling people fat and dumb/stupid and threatening to punch them or give them knuckle sandwiches, and using words like darned, dang, shut up, etc. That is emphatically not the way we talk in our home.

Also, the books are written the way the author imagines a kindergartener talks: with poor grammar, fragmented sentences, many of the "trademarks of bad writing" they teach you to avoid in school, and lots of misapprehensions presented as if they were true. Worse, Junie B. still talks this way by book 25--Junie B., First Grader: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (p.s. so does May.) --halfway through first grade.

Me was gonna have to stop and think if this ain't about the worsest thing I ever readed, or even worser, 'cause I was about ready to holler at the book to shut up!

I don't know how most 6-year-olds talk, but my kids didn't talk like these books are written even when they were 2.

Part of the reason I read to my kids a lot is to expose them to beautiful language spoken correctly. There's nothing wrong with dialogue using incorrect speech to create a character, but I can't imagine reading page after page and book after book of nothing but baby talk and horrible grammar.

And then there are the overarching themes. In my mind, good literature shows the characters' honest thoughts and emotions in a real world, but it also shows consequences for actions and corrections for mistakes--at least the majority of the time.

I think the Little House books do this well. Laura narrates her thoughts of disliking things, getting angry, etc. and is occasionally naughty. But when she is naughty, she knows it and there are usually consequences. The negative things are in a larger context of beautiful narration of a story that promotes right and good things and teaches about the daily life of another time period.

In the Junie B. books, every page seems to be filled with poor grammar, rudeness, anger, and uncorrected brattishness.

Here's an example of illogical fears presented as facts from the first book (which, incidentally is called Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus--yes, yes, I know; I wasn't there when they bought the books):

"And so I quick sat down across from the curly mean girl. And Mr. Woo shut the door.

It wasn't a regular kind of door, though. It folded in half. And when it closed, it made a whishy sound.

I don't like that kind of door. If it closes on you by accident, it will cut you in half, and you will make a squishy sound.

The bus made a big roar. Then a big puff of black smelly smoke came out the back end of it. It's called bus breath, I think.

Mr. Woo drove for a while. Then the brakes made that loud, screechy noise again. I covered my ears so it couldn't get inside my head. 'Cause if loud, screechy noises get inside your head, you have to take an aspirin. I saw that on a TV commercial."

Those thoughts and stories are presented without correction, and would seem to me to be rather disturbing to young children.

Of course, you can stop and talk about each of them, but they're presented so quickly one after another for page after page throughout the book that it would be impossible to discuss them all without ruining the flow of the story or having an hour-long discussion after each chapter.

Here is one of many examples of poor behavior going uncorrected. It's from the third book, Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth:

Mrs. rolled her eyes way up at the ceiling. Then she walked Officer Mike and Dr. Smiley out into the hall.

That's when room Nine started buzzing very loud.

Buzzing is what you do when your teacher leaves the room.

"I'm going to dress up like an actress on Job Day," said a girl named Emily.

"I'm going to dress up like a princess," said my bestest friend Lucille that I hate.

I did a giggle. "I'm going to dress up like a bullfighter!" I said.

Then I ran speedy fast around the room. And I butted that mean Jim in the stomach with my head.

And guess what?

I didn't even get caught!

That's what!

The reader is expected to rejoice with the character that "mean Jim" got his comeuppance and Junie got away with hurting someone.

From Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying:

Then Mother picked out some cookie mix. And she gave it to me. And I throwed it in the cart very hard.

"Thank you," said Mother.

"You're not welcome," I said.

After that, Mother took me outside of the store. And me and her had a little talk.

A little talk is when Mother is mad at me. And she says who do I think I am, missy? And zactly how long so I think she's going to put up with me?

Then I have to say a 'pology to her.

A 'pology is the words I'm sorry.

Except for you don't actually have to mean it. 'Cause nobody can even tell the difference.

Oh, yes, that's what I want my kids learning from the books they read.

Apparently these books are quite popular with primary school-age kids. I found several reviews and websites saying that teachers were reading them to their classes. I find that disturbing.

In my opinion these books might be funny for adults or older kids to read, but anyone mature enough to distill the themes and sort through what is and isn't true and admirable is probably also going to be driven crazy by page after page of this drivel.

If anyone buys my kids the books from this series again, me and him (or her) are gonna hafta have a little talk.