When you're up, you're up / And when you're down, you're down. . .

I feel like that kids' song about the "Noble Duke of York." Up, down, up, down . . . from one extreme to the other as fast as I can go.

One minute I'm overjoyed and feeling like life is going great. The next minute it seems like things can hardly get worse. Today has been especially roller-coaster-like, with both wonderful and frustrating moments. Tonight I'm crashing and burning, so read this post at your own risk. :)

Yesterday my friend "Morning" came over. We tried to go to the store to buy diapers, which I desperately needed, but discovered my van was dead. Thankfully it broke down in my own driveway rather than stranding me alone with 3 kids out on the road somewhere.

Long story, but it had been having issues last week and DH replaced the battery but didn't get a chance to take it in for diagnostics and a tune-up before he left.

DH had at the last minute decided to leave his car here and get a ride instead of taking it to the airport, so it was here. But there was no way I could fit all three kids' car seats in the back seat. Believe me, I tried. Then I cried.

Yesterday and today, it turns out I've almost had more people offer help than I know what to do with . . . especially since I made a few phone calls to ask for help, and the word got out through the grapevine at church that my car broke down on top of DH being gone and my being home alone with two preschoolers and a newborn.

"Morning" was a huge help with the kids, doing the dishes and running to the store for me. My dad bought the new Graco Turbo Booster we had been planning to buy for A anyway, which was several inches narrower than her Britax Wizard (which will get passed down to the other girls in turn). Nobody in my family had time to bring the seat or the battery charger over, so one of our friends from church small group, "The Motivator," went to get them and brought them here for me. The Motivator's wife, CreativeCrafty, called to offer a listening ear and a shoulder, and let me know she'd be available on Wednesday, her day off, if I needed anything. If the van gets done being fixed soon enough, I'll probably ask her to go with me to pick it up.

After several hours on the charger, the van was at least running well enough to get it to an old family friend who is a mechanic. It took me all morning and part of the afternoon between caring for the kids and feeding the baby, but I finally managed to get the new car seat assembled and installed, and it worked! It was just enough narrower that I could squeeze all three seats into the car.

Another friend from church, "CrochetingBuddy," came over today. She not only helped me take the van over to the mechanic, but she also helped with the kids while I worked on getting the car seats installed, and then helped change sheets on the beds before she left--a task I'd been wanting to get done for some time. (The girls' beds have been getting changed frequently because of accidents, but the others were overdue for a change.)

SIL The Mentor made herself available this afternoon in case I needed her, and my MIL has offered to come any time she's needed as well. Several of the neighbors have told me to let them know if I needed anything or have offered help in various ways, as have a number of other friends and family members.

The crossed communication wires regarding meals finally got straightened out, and a lady from church brought the first of 5 meals we'll be getting this week--Chicken Milan with pasta, broccoli, french bread, watermelon, and juice popsicles, plus some flowers for the table. It was delicious and tasted especially good after several days of corn dogs and grilled cheese sandwiches. :)

Tomorrow my mom is planning to take the girls out for ice cream, and my sister is going to the airport with us to pick up DH on Thursday. I am so glad DH will be home in a few more days.

I'm very thankful for the help and support of so many. I'm sure I would have somehow survived the week, but this is definitely making it a lot easier. Although easy isn't the word--it's still not by any means easy.

A side benefit of all this car trouble, though, is that I discovered I really like using DH's car with the kids in it better than my van. It is so much easier to get the kids and myself in and out of, and I like having them all within arm's reach of the front seat. DH said he'd be happy to switch vehicles with me if that's what I want. So that's nice. We never would have tried putting all three seats in his car if the van hadn't broken down.

I am, however, going to try to take the car in to the dealership tomorrow morning because there is an active recall on the vehicle regarding something about the brakes. I'll feel a lot more comfortable driving it once that's taken care of. Although it still has some issues with the electrical system and a few other minor things, I think it will make life much easier than driving the van.

M had an accident in her car seat tonight, so I am hoping I can get the seat cover washed and line dried tonight in time to be able to use it tomorrow. Aargh.

I took the kids out for a brief run to Wal-Mart tonight, and both of them apparently pretended to use the bathroom but didn't--or just plain didn't--when I told them to go before we left. Almost as soon as we arrived they both said they needed to go potty. Since they both disobeyed and lied to me, and they were both wearing pull-ups anyway, I decided not to even try to get all three kids and a shopping cart into the bathroom (which was clear at the other end of the store) and just told them they should have gone when I told them to and to try to hold it until we got home. Yes, I know . . . really stupid idea. So on top of running around in circles screaming in the store, they were crying about wanting to go potty (even though they happily went in their pull-ups all day).

By the time we got home M had soaked all the way through her pull-up, her clothes, the cover and padding on her car seat. There was even a puddle on the seat of the vehicle underneath the safety seat when I took it out to get the cover off.

Meanwhile, the baby was screaming and screaming, and the girls were getting out of bed and playing instead of going to sleep. That's when I cried again.

I am guessing that all day long every time I told M to go potty, she went into the bathroom, shut the door, and came out a few minutes later without having actually used the toilet. The Pull-Up was absolutely saturated. I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with her about that later. Not sure how to handle it, but if she is really being deliberately deceptive I will need to deal with that somehow.

She has been totally potty trained (at least during the day--even nap time) for months, but has really regressed in the last week or two. She didn't even tell me she had a wet pull-up or get herself a dry one, which is what she would normally do. A had her second or third wet Pull-Up today too, but at least she changed hers when she soiled it.

Both girls just seem to have decided they would rather not bother with using the toilet and would prefer just to go in their pants. I got so tired of constantly changing sheets and cleaning up the floors that I just let them both wear pull-ups all day today, but they responded by not even trying to use the bathroom, I guess.

By the time we got home it was really late, and they were tired and distinctly uncooperative about getting into bed. I ended up really yelling at them to STOP IT AND GET INTO BED RIGHT NOW!!!! Usually I try so hard not to yell that the kids know when Mommy is so angry that she speaks in a whisper, things are really serious! It's often a struggle for me. But I've found myself getting tired and frustrated and raising my voice a lot more this week.

I know that just snapping "Stop it!" at them without even clarifying what I want them to stop doing or what I want them to do instead isn't effective. But between stress and sleep deprivation I feel all frayed at the ends and am having trouble coming up with effective ways to cope.

I feel like such a terrible mother this week. It seems all I'm doing is telling them to stop running and screaming in the house, stop manhandling the baby, stop pushing and yelling at each other (and me!), sit down in your chair, stop trying to push the baby's head around, don't climb on me while I'm feeding her, don't pull on the baby's arms, get down from the windowsill, don't you dare talk to me that way, share your toys and take turns, pick up that thing you just threw on the floor, don't throw toys at people, I'm sorry but I can't carry you, don't run the other way and yell no when I ask you to come here, I can't help you with that right now because I'm feeding the baby, stop fighting over that toy or I'll take it away, no you can't sleep all night in the car, no daddy's not coming home today, be quiet I'm on the phone, NO don't go in and wake the baby, YES you do have to sit at the table for dinner/go potty/wash your hands/go to bed, etc. etc.

I'm trying to make time to read to them and interact with them in positive ways and give them lots of hugs and affirmation, but I feel it's a drop in the bucket comparatively. They are not acting like their normally sweet and cooperative selves at all. Neither am I. I hate being this way.

We're all yo-yoing drastically from one emotion to the next. One minute the kids are hugging me and telling me they love me, and the next they're telling me not to tell them what to do, stomping their feet and yelling no, or saying "I don't like you, Mommy!"

A couple of times I've been able to put the kids in their rooms for time-outs and remember to take a few minutes to breathe, pray and collect myself. That helps some. I really need to do it more often and for longer periods of time. But if I do get a few minutes of down time, I usually sleep.

I'll be really glad when this week is over.

I was sitting here feeling sad and typing one-handed when I heard a coo. When I looked down at the baby in my arms, she was staring intently into my face with what looked like an actual smile on her face. But 2 1/2 week old babies don't smile and coo at you, do they? I talked to her and she did it again! Wow. I needed that tonight. I don't care if it is "gas"--it still makes my heart flutter.