Painting

AJ broke her week and a half streak of being meltdown-free in style.

Today's bout of yelling and crying lasted an hour. It went through several changes of location and venue, but sustained the same topic for the entire hour: AJ thought M&M's homeschool co-op classes sounded like more fun than her own. She wanted to be in Mrs. T's class with M&M.

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She howled all the way through gathering our things together, turning in our name tags, making our way through the crowd and out of the building, getting a cup left behind last week and chatting with the other mom who had saved it for us, the ride home, lunch preparations, etc. She refused to eat lunch and finally went up to her room to cry alone, stalking up and down the hallway upstairs shouting her misery and sobbing at the top of her lungs.

I kept timing it, wondering how long she could keep going on the same subject without running out of steam. After I had tried everything I could think of without success, I ended up (as usual) just letting her carry on off in a corner of the house until she wore herself out.

Finally, when she started winding down, I went and asked her if she'd like to paint the way she was feeling. She thought that was a great idea.

I had gone shopping last night, and one of the things I did was replenish our supply of paints. All the kids like painting so much. AJ especially loves painting and all types of artistic creativity, and said that was her favorite part of play therapy. The lack of art in her co-op classes was a big point she was upset about, too.

Since the paints we'd been using lately were normal acrylics, and not the washable kind, I'd been letting the kids paint only under very close supervision and not as often as they'd like. The times we'd painted this week, it was a tad bit stressful trying to make sure any spilled paint got cleaned up right away, etc.

Today I gave each of the three kids their own little box of RoseArt washable watercolors, a paintbrush, a little cup for water, a mixing palate, and a supply of paper. I told the two older girls that these are their paints to use however they choose. As long as they aren't supposed to be doing anything else, they can use these paints any time they want to and in any way they like.

The only rules are that they need to make sure the area is cleared off so there's nothing on the desk or table that might be ruined by a spill, and that they clean up after themselves (probably with some help from me) when they're finished. I'm not worried about either of them trying to paint on anything inappropriate, so I didn't even mention that.

The kids really liked that idea. Their eyes got big as they repeated, "We don't even have to ask first? We can just start painting? Wow!"

All three kids had a wonderful time painting. To my surprise, AJ's painting didn't seem to reflect dark feelings at all. Instead she painted a picture about the puppet show she saw in one of her classes, and then a picture of the world she wished she could live in--a fantasy world full of bright colors, fruit, flowers and sunshine.

Lately she's been enjoying coloring things fanciful colors--today it was a purple tree with a red trunk and "black oranges" under a purple sunshine. I'm no expert, but to me it seems to be a positive thing that she has moved beyond feeling that she needs to make things look the way they are in real life. She's enjoying experimenting with colors and playing with adding twists to make her imaginary world unique. That playful approach to art and newfound freedom to break out of the "shoulds" is a recent development (in the last week or two, I think) that seems very healthy to me.

M&M and Baby E both had a lot of fun experimenting with various colors, textures and brush strokes without trying to draw anything descriptive. The painting session kept all three girls peacefully occupied for quite some time.

Later, when I talked with AJ, she said that painting helped her to feel more calm after her meltdown. I suggested that next time she's feeling really upset about something, maybe she should try painting to see if that helps her to calm herself down. Expressing her feelings in a painting when she is upset or angry might help a lot. She could paint instead of yelling and crying.

She liked that idea and agreed to try it.

Later in the evening Baby E did something (not sharing a toy, I think) that really upset AJ. AJ started to yell and cry, and then abruptly she stopped and said, "Mom, can I paint?"

And she did.

I was so proud of her.


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All three kids have been a bit whiny and short-fused the last few days. I think it's a combination of factors--there's been some extra stress in the last day or two, we're still adjusting to the new schedule and activities, nobody has been sleeping well, etc. Also, DH had a lapse of memory today and packed the two older girls a snack of storebought blueberry muffins--complete with all sorts of sugar, preservatives, and dairy products. We're certainly trying to take note of all the variables.

I'm not sure Baby E's trial of corn derivatives has really been completely successful, either. She has been having a lot more trouble sleeping and staying asleep again for the last week or two, and is a lot moodier again. We're going to try taking her back off the corn derivatives to see if it makes a difference or not.

It will be interesting to see whether dairy products end up being a significant factor for AJ or not. It's obviously not the only factor, as she was struggling a bit more the last couple of days and having a bit of potty anxiety again even before the milk.

But I found it very interesting that she had a fairly significant mood change after eating her snack. She enjoyed the morning classes and even told me, Mrs. T and her friends that Friday school was much better this week and she liked it better this time after the sessions were over for the day. Then, about an hour or two after eating her snack, she had an abrupt and rather sudden transition with no apparent trigger from being fine and in a pretty good mood to complete meltdown mode.

Although, now that I'm writing this, I also realized that I completely forgot to give her warning and time to adjust before leaving. I was letting the kids play while I helped clean up in Mrs. T's classroom, and when we were done I just sort of said, "Okay, kids, let's go. Time to stop coloring and erase the white boards; come on," and walked out, expecting them to follow me. That's when the meltdown about AJ's wanting to be in Mrs. T's class began.

So it could have been the abrupt transition that set her off, or a combination of things. DH said that she was really out-of-sorts this morning after he got her up and started rushing her to get ready while I showered and nursed Baby E. Not enough transition time and being rushed seems to be a big issue for AJ.

Hopefully putting all these clues together will give us the tools we need to help life run more smoothly for everyone.