Good Things

Some really good things have been happening this week with some of our ongoing concerns.

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Baby E really does seem to be growing out of (or being healed from) her food allergies. It's so nice to be able to give her more of the same things the big kids are eating, like the sunflower butter we had tonight (which contained small amounts of a soy derivative).

The really amazing thing is that for the past week we've been feeding Baby E things with tiny amounts of highly-refined corn derivatives in them. Nothing with actual corn protein in it yet, but things like yeast and vitamins grown on corn, or "natural flavors" extracted in corn-derived distilled alcohol. Several of the foods she's been eating are things we've tried previously (some several different times) and she was not able to tolerate them. But so far she's been eating them for a week and seems to be doing fine.

She's had a few things like a little blister on her lip and what looked like it might have been the beginnings of excema on her cheeks, but they seem to have been just random and incidental. We've been keeping a close eye on her, but nothing has worsened or developed into anything significant so far.

Her stools have been perfectly solid for the past week and a half, with the exception of one moderately soft BM after eating apples one day. The diarrhea and mucous are gone.

So far it seems that if we keep the levels of various sugars relatively low, she does fine with things like bananas and even tiny amounts of other sugars. I'm wondering more and more if the sugar issue may actually be secondary to something else, and may be a significant problem only when something else damages her digestive system. We haven't tried anything high in sulfites again yet.

It's very exciting to be adding corn derivatives and not seeing reactions. Wow. We'll give it another few weeks before we really call it a success, but we're really excited about the possibility of being able to stop worrying about non-protein-containing corn derivatives. That would open up a huge world of food options for Baby E even if she never gets to the point where she can actually have corn protein.

But, really, the best news is that AJ has been a lot better the last few days. Monday and Tuesday she had tons of meltdowns and was acting extremely grumpy and depressed, as she has most of the time lately. Tuesday morning through early afternoon was particularly awful--she must have averaged a meltdown per hour, sometimes moving straight from one into the next without even a break between them, just a change of themes. I thought I was going to go crazy right along with her. She did cheer up quite a bit when we went to play with a friend that afternoon, though.

Wednesday was the morning we saw the doctor and he told us to take the kids off milk. (I don't think she'd had any dairy products since Monday, but she'd had a lot the few days before.)

That afternoon everyone except AJ fell asleep at nap/quiet time and slept for a long time. AJ ended up spending 3 hours playing by herself in her room. I would have thought she might have woken me up or been frustrated at having such an unusually long quiet time, but not AJ. She was thrilled. She came out of her room so relaxed, happy and affectionate that it made me realize that frequently letting the kids skip quiet time over the last several weeks has probably not been good for her. She really needs that alone time to calm herself and recharge.

Thursday AJ was still quite mopey and grumpy (she didn't even want to help bake an apple pie when Morning came over), but she didn't have any major meltdowns. She even managed to swing on the swingset with M&M without getting upset for the first time in many weeks. She actually had fun swinging and came in happy!

Friday was interesting . . . she was whiny and grumpy in the morning, and still complained a lot, but it was less intense and shorter-lived. At that point I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, sure she would dissolve into meltdowns and full depression mode again any moment. But by late Friday afternoon (after quiet time) she was much more sunny and cheerful.

One particularly surprising thing was that there was a dramatic improvement in her handwriting, literally overnight. Writing is frustrating and difficult for her--easily the task she hates the most in any given day.

With math she usually has problems writing particular numbers--they take effort and thought, and she usually writes them backwards or in large, jerky, uncertain movements (lately, often complaining all the time). She knows the math and can do it, but really hates the writing part. I've been letting her do a lot of her work orally or skip many of the questions just to cut down on the frustration for her.

But Friday early evening she (voluntarily!) sat down and cheerfully, quickly and easily finished a page of math she had been whining and complaining about and struggling over just the day before. To my amazement she easily, precisely and beautifully made small, controlled numbers--the very numbers that had been large, jerky and difficult for her earlier in the week. I was so flabbergasted that I had to call and tell my mom.

It was such an odd, random thing. Is This Your Child? by Doris Rapp talks about food allergies/intolerances affecting handwriting, and it reminded me a lot of the before and after pictures in that book. Of course, I'm sure that an improvement in mood alone could have the same effect. I hadn't expected to see anything like that, though, and it will be interesting to see if she continues to show such significant improvement this week. I know it sounds crazy, but I showed the page to DH and he could see the difference too.

There were a number of instances over the next few days which definitely would have triggered a meltdown a few days earlier (sometimes even the exact same issues she'd been having regular meltdowns about), but which she was able to take in stride or even laugh about. Her mood gradually continued to improve. She had only one or two episodes of crying loudly about something, which resolved themselves within 5 minutes and didn't come anywhere close to the level of the meltdowns she'd been having over the last few months.

She has continued improving since Friday. She's been so much happier, more interactive, more expressive, and generally more enjoyable to be around. She's taking things in stride or getting over them so much more quickly rather than having huge meltdowns or obsessing over them. It hasn't been a complete change, but she's improved so much.

Tonight the five of us played Apples to Apples Junior and it was a huge giggle-fest. The girls were rolling on the floor laughing hysteically at the cards they and everyone else picked. Even Baby E got in on the action, picking random cards to throw into the mix and giggling along with everyone else.

M&M has been a bit more whiny and grumpy than normal since getting her shots on Wednesday, but that's to be expected as sore as her arms have been. Her arms are finally getting over being sore now, so that should help. I hope to go shopping tomorrow to find her some shoes with better arch support after we meet with the therapist.

She's still generally cheery. Every night as I kiss them goodnight I've been asking the kids what the worst and best thing about their day was. Almost every night M&M's immediate response is, "Everything was best about today, and nothing was worst. I loved today." Then she'll start listing the things she liked best.

Baby E has been mostly sunshiny and healthy this week, but I do think she's cutting some teeth. All of a sudden the last few days everything is going in her mouth. She hasn't put random things in her mouth for ages, so I'm expecting to see some new teeth coming through soon.

I wonder if AJ may be a lot like me. When I don't feel well I really struggle not to "shut down". When I feel really bad I hurt all over and have trouble functioning. Even someone touching or talking to me can be painful or irritating--a shout or an unexpected touch can feel almost like an ambush. My preference during those times would be to avoid nearly all interaction and go into zombie mode or just sleep. I have to work very hard to make myself function, make eye contact with people, interact, smile, and not act too grumpy or weepy. It feels like my brain fogs over. Everything seems overwhelming and I have to work extremely hard to keep from reacting to my emotions going haywire.

I know that for me various things can affect my level of fuctioning--allergies, stress, getting adequate water and good nutrition, the amount of sleep I'm getting, my chronic health issues flaring up--all sorts of things. Even as an adult it's hard enough to control myself and act relatively normal when I feel that way. If she's experiencing anything close to that, it must be even harder for her as a 6-year-old.

Friday at lunch AJ told me that she thought bread was hurting her tummy and she didn't want to eat it any more. I was a bit suprised, but said that was fine if she wanted to try it. I've been making a point to provide gluten-free options for her since then. I neglected to tell DH, though, so he did feed the kids wheat a couple of times this weekend.

The older girls have had quite a few stomachaches and diarrhea this week even since we took them off dairy products, so it will be interesting to see if the GI issues resolve or not with a little more time off dairy and gluten. Since I'll be cooking gluten-free meals for AJ, I'll encourage M&M to try going gluten-free to see if it helps her tummyaches too.

AJ also said that apples made her tummy hurt, so I'm not sure if both bother her or if she's just guessing. It's quite possible that the sugars in the apples may bother her, either on their own or as a secondary issue if something else is upsetting her digestion.

Of course, food is only one of many factors that have changed recently. It may not even be a cause of AJ's improvement.

Here are a few other things that may be helping:


• We've asked a lot of people to pray for our family, and they have. We've been praying a lot ourselves, too. I firmly believe that makes a big difference.



• Over the last few weeks we've gotten the kids into a number of structured, scheduled, predictable social activities, including weekly home group meetings, AWANA, Sunday School (which we were already doing), and the homeschool co-op. We're also going to try to schedule playdates with various friends on a particular afternoon each week (midway between the other activities) to make it more predictable for the kids whenever possible.



• We're being more consistent about quiet time. It had gotten sporadic. I think that was bad--both because of the unpredictability, and just that the kids were often missing the rest and recharging time they needed (it's usually much shorter than 3 hours though!).



• We've moved the kids around so that AJ has a room to herself at night. Everyone seems to be happier and getting better sleep that way. Baby E and M&M are enjoying sharing a room most nights. I'm not sure whether we'll end up having the two younger girls share indefinitely, or switching things around so they each have their own room, which would mean losing a room dedicated to just being a playroom or an office. (Yes, we live in a wonderful big house that my dad built for us.)



• We're making a point to put the kids to bed earlier and start the bedtime routine earlier so we can take longer with it.



• We've revamped bedtime to make the routine more relaxing and predictable for the kids. DH and I have agreed on a routine and a specific set of nurturing/winding down activities that we do the same way every night, and that he and I both do the same way when we switch off so that it's predictable for the kids. That seems to be really helpful for them.



• We usually read part of a chapter book and/or Bible story at bedtime (right now we're reading Little House on Rocky Ridge) and pray with the kids. I was reading to and praying with them in the rocking chair most of the time. DH would often read and pray while they laid in their beds. Sometimes part or all of it would get skipped. Putting all the variables together it was all a bit sporadic.
  
  But recently DH decided to start sitting in the rocking chair with the kids to read the Bible and pray with them every night as part of their bedtime routine. They really enjoy snuggling up together in the rocking chair and having devotional time together, and Baby E and I often join them. If DH isn't home for bedtime, I do it the same way. (I also read a Bible story to the kids in the mornings while they color a related picture as part of school). The chapter book will sometimes get skipped if it's late, but we've agreed not to skip the cuddling up in the chair for Bible reading and prayer even if it's late. Being more consistent with that has been great for all of us.



• I think we've found the right balance between relaxed flexibility and structure with homeschooling. The kids and I are enjoying the program we've picked, and the fact that it includes lots of library books and hands-on activities and very little textbook time.



• We're also giving the kids extra warning and transition time between activities and when changing from one place or activity to another.



• We're continuing to make more progress, as well, with getting the house organized and keeping things consistent and predictable in other areas.



• As always, of course, we're loading the kids up with as much love and attention as we can. We've tried to be especially intentional about this lately.



• We've always made a point to have special times alone with each of the kids, but we've recently increased the frequency and will try to increase the predictability of our "dates" with the girls.



• In the last few weeks we've had an unusually high number of significant conversations with the kids, that have seemed to really mean a lot to them.

The conversations we've been having lately have been especially good.

For example, one day AJ asked me who I loved the most in our family. I said that I didn't love anyone more or less than anyone else, but I loved each person in a unique way because they were all special in different ways. Then we spent a long time talking about a number of things that were special about each person. DH and I both told the kids several things that we thought were special about each of them, and then we encouraged them to share what they thought was special about each other. The kids, of course, totally soaked that up. That conversation has continued off and on in different ways over the last week or two.

The kids never get tired of hearing us tell them things that we think are special about them, and it seems that every few months they go through periods of needing to hear it an extra lot.

Another day I was telling the kids that they shouldn't sit at or take things off each others' desks without asking.

AJ said, "I shouldn't have taken Baby E's crayons and used them without asking. That was a bad thing I did. Does that mean God is mad at me and won't love me any more or let me into Heaven, and I'll have to go to Hell?"

"No! Even when you do things you shouldn't, God will never ever stop loving you, just like Mommy and Daddy never stop loving you no matter what you do. We all sin, and we don't deserve to go to Heaven, because of course nothing bad can be in Heaven. Hell is being separated from God, you know, because our sin separates us from God. We don't want to be separated from God forever, do we? No.

But that's why God sent Jesus--to pay for our sins and take the punishment for us. That way our sin doesn't have to separate us from God.

Remember the verse we learned from John 3:16, 'For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life'? Yeah, that was your AWANA verse too. Romans 10:9 also says, 'If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, and if you will believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead, than you shall be saved.'

Remember when you told God that you believed in Jesus and wanted him to take charge of your life and forgive your sins? He did!

That means that Jesus has already paid the price for everything bad you've ever done or will do. He already took care of it! So the best part is that when God looks at you, he doesn't even see your sin--He only sees that Jesus's blood has washed you clean and taken your sins away. He doesn't look at you and see the bad things you do--He only sees good, because Jesus has taken care of it. He sees Jesus's goodness and sinlessness when He looks at you. Isn't that great?

We choose to obey God and do the right things because we love Him and we want to please Him, but once we believe in Him and accept His payment for our sin then we don't ever have to worry about being separated from God in Hell. He's already forgiven our sins."

She was very interested in that, and asked a lot of questions. The conversation really seemed to ease her mind and encourage her.

M&M got really excited, too, and said that she wanted to talk to God and tell Him that she believed God and wanted Jesus to take away her sins and be Lord of her life, too, like AJ did a year or two ago.

That is exciting for us. I know not all of my readers share our faith (and you may not have even gotten this far in this post :)), but for us this is a huge deal, and we believe it's the foundation for deep peace and joy throughout life. So we're thrilled that our kids are embracing the Lord. It's the very best thing we could ever wish for them.