Dreams and Personalities

The kids and I were all tired today. None of us sleep well when DH is gone, especially when Baby E has had an ear infection on top of that. Last night I slept for a total of 2 hours--from 5:30 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. I'm doing amazingly well, though. And E's ear infection seems to be mostly gone now.

Yes, DH has been out of town again for 4 days, to attend my cousin's wedding. I'm very glad he could go, but I'm sure happy that he's on his way home now, Callooh, Callay! We've all missed him a lot.

Both of the girls have been having nightmares with Daddy gone.

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AJ's nightmares are the type one would expect, about monsters chasing her and that sort of thing. Sometimes she dreams about being unable to find something, or attempting a Herculean task that can't be done. Those dreams seem a little old for her, but they fit her personality. She so desperately wants to do everything right.

I hate to see her struggling with the frustration of the world not fitting her perfectionistic ideal, trying to shoulder more responsibility than a 5-year-old should, no matter how much I tell her that things don't have to be perfect. But I can understand her feelings. I have the same kinds of recurrent nightmares myself.

The encouraging thing is that, especially lately, AJ often wakes up smiling to tell me about a funny or pleasant dream she had. Last night she dreamed something, I can't remember what at the moment, that she deemed "silly" and chuckled about.

The nightmares MM wakes up screaming with are not what I'd normally think of as nightmares.

The night before last she woke up crying hysterically at least 5 times. When I asked what was wrong, her answer would be, "Daddy wouldn't let me weaw my shoes to bed! He took them away! He said I couldn't weaw them in bed, and I WANT THEM!!!" or "AJ wouldn't shawe the dolly she had with me. She took the toy I wanted! I WANT that toy she has!!!"

There is no reasoning with her or calming her. She just has to be aware of my presence nearby, holding and talking to her until she works out her angst and fades back into sleep.

As in her waking hours, in her dreams MM is a strong-willed kid with a great drive to control and direct the world around her. Her dreams seem to be an unusually mirror-like reflection of the happenings and frustrations of her waking world. No obscure symbolism here.

That's how she is, though. What you see with MM is what you get. She is amazingly forthright and honest with her feelings and intentions. She'll come right out and tell me that, yes, she tried to tip over the playpen with the baby in it on purpose because she was mad and she wanted the baby out of the playpen.

A typical example of a conversation the girls have in the back of the van occurred today:

AJ: I love God. You should always love God best; more than anything else in the whole world. I love God very, very much. More than anyone else. I love God the best of all."

MM: "Well, I don't. I love Amber and Sophie." [little friends from church]

AJ: [crying] "Mom! MM says she doesn't love God best. Everybody is supposed to love God best! [a bit self-righteously] I love God the best."

AJ, I'm glad you love God. And I'm glad that MM loves her friends, too. You're right, AJ, that the Bible says we should love God more than anything else, and I'm really glad you do.

But, you know what? I'm glad MM is honest about what she feels. Even if she doesn't love God best. We're all learning to love God more and more, and so is MM. But God loves MM very, very much no matter what.

Right, MM? You know that God loves you so, so much?"

MM: "Wight. God loves me vewy much. I'm leawning to love God, Mommy. But I still love Amber best."