Impeccable timing

I was really glad this morning that I had just finished reading the Sanford book and was armed with great ideas to make problems caused by the kids' behavior be their problem and not my problem. :)

M&M loves gymnastics and is very good at it, and constantly practices at home. The problem is that she doesn't always look before she leaps. She knows that she *should* look around to make sure nobody is in the way before turning a cartwheel or practicing a handstand, but getting her to actually remember to do it is another story.

This morning provided the perfect learning opportunity. M&M was feeling particularly grumpy and "forgot" to ask Ebee to move before doing a summersault onto her.

Ebee got a bloody nose. She dripped it all down the front of her clothes (including a leotard borrowed from M&M--what a perfect coincidence), onto her doll, and on the carpet from the playroom downstairs to the family room where I was.

Rather than getting angry or going into lecture mode, I went into urgent but calm concern.

Giving Ebee a hug and comforting her, I called out, "M&M, come quickly! Ebee's nose is bleeding from your summersault onto her. Take a cool wet washcloth and have her hold it on her nose. Get her into the bathroom and help her stop the bleeding. Then you'll need to get the bloodstains out of her clothes, the doll, and the carpet. Hurry; it's almost time to leave for gymnastics and you don't have much time!"

She kept saying things like, "But I didn't mean to hurt her!" and "I can't do this--it's too much work."

I would respond sympathetically but unmovingly. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry this happened. It's a big job cleaning up something like this. But even though you didn't do it on purpose, your actions caused this problem and you are responsible for fixing it."

I gave her some coaching, but didn't do any of it for her. Having to clean up after a bloody nose certainly isn't something a parent could contrive on purpose, but it seemed like an ideal and memorable natural consequence to me.

Somehow I think she may be more likely to watch where she tumbles next time. :)

None of this is really new to me; I've used this type of response many times in the past (and my parents often did it with us). But it was helpful to have a reminder. I think having just read the book helped me to stay calm and matter-of-fact, not go into lecture mode, and resist stepping in to do it for her.