11 months

Baby Nae will be a year old in a couple of weeks. As always, it seems like the time just flies by. Two years ago I never would have imagined my life as it is today. We thought we were done having babies; that we had left the baby and toddler stage, not to return until our kids were grown and we either became foster parents and/or became grandparents.

It's much different having a baby this time around. Last time I had a baby my oldest was 4. After that first hair-raising attempt, I never even took a shower without locking all three kids in the bathroom with me if I was home by myself with them. Home alone with three little ones while DH was at work, I couldn't nap if any of them were awake. I could never let my guard down for a moment.

I worried a lot as a young mom . . . worried about all the "shoulds" and "must nots"--worried that I would spoil my baby by holding her too much and picking her up when she cried; worried that I would somehow accidentally permanently damage my children by making some minor unknowing mistake in the way we did bedtime or meals or whatever; worried that my kids would never learn to sleep at night or learn socially appropriate behavior; worried that my 5-year-old stealing a toy would, if I didn't respond exactly right, grow up to be a shoplifter. I knew that gentle discipline was the right choice for our family, but I worried about whether it would really "work" to raise kids without spanking or other punitive punishments. I also worried way too much about what other people thought.

Now, my older three kids are 13, 12, and 9. And, while they're not perfect, of course; they are utterly awesome, amazing, wonderful young people. They're not spoiled brats. They're generally polite and respectful, happy, and relatively responsible. They have age-appropriate struggles and behaviors, but they also seem to have skipped a lot of the problematic issues that many kids their age seem to struggle with. We're constantly working on relationship and communication skills, but overall I think we have a great family with generally good relationships. We like each other, and we generally interact gently and respectfully with each other. We are usually able to talk through and solve problems while helping everyone to feel heard, and that's important. Oh, and they aren't picky eaters, can even cook a meal, and sleep through the night. ;)

Our kids are living proof that you don't have to do everything perfectly right as a parent to end up with really great kids that are a joy to be around. :)

With Baby Nae, in many ways I feel like I was given a "do-over" with parenting a baby. I'm so much more relaxed this time around. I no longer worry about spoiling my baby; I can just enjoy her.

There are several other differences this time around. All four kids are healthy and doing well, and our current school, extracurricular activities and lifestyle are generally a good fit for us. I have so much more help and support, between DH and the older kids who are usually glad to volunteer their help with the baby so I can shower, take a nap or just catch my breath for a few minutes. DH and I are in a better place in our marriage, and have better communication and relationship skills than we did 10 years ago. Both of us are physically and emotionally healthier than we have been in the past. That makes a big difference. Even seemingly small things like getting my milk supply regulated and discovering more comfortable and efficient babywearing methods make a big difference.

The clinical study I participated in early in 2009 was life-changing for me, and I'm still seeing a significant improvement in my health issues and neurological symptoms since removing excitotoxins from my diet. I still struggle, but it's much more manageable when I'm careful what I eat as well as doing my best to get enough rest and keep a reasonable pace to avoid adrenaline surges. Getting the EDS diagnosis has helped me to take caring for my body more seriously, knowing that any kind of physical overexertion can have permanent negative effects, since my connective tissues won't heal properly after being overextended.

I'm sure many of the above factors have contributed to the fact that I did not have postpartum depression this time around, as I did after my first two children were born. Having a healthy baby with no postpartum depression to cope with makes the whole experience of having a baby ever so much more enjoyable.

I still struggle a lot with health issues. What this means, basically, is that I have little to no time or energy for anything beyond the necessities of daily life. It takes all my reserves just to get through the day with things like meals, diaper changes, ferrying kids to and from activities, and resting between things. I do have a couple of regular social activities that I attend on a regular basis . . . a faith-based couple's home group, and a babywearing support group. Each meets every other week or twice a month; and that's about all I can handle. With that, I'm usually able to add in one or two other outings or social interactions in a week. Some weeks I can't even handle one extra activity, and other weeks I might sometimes be able to handle three or possibly (rarely) even more.

At this point in my life, though, I'm getting a little better at accepting and working within my limitations.

And all of that together means that in general I'm really, genuinely enjoying life. I'm loving this season and enjoying it for all I'm worth.

10 Day Pics

Baby Nae,  10 days old. She is such a delight--even when she's wide awake and wanting toplay at 2 a.m. :)

Long Time No Blog

Wow, it's been about a year and a half since my last post. So much and yet so little has changed since then.

We sold our house and moved from the suburbs to acreage in the country, not too far from our extended family. We absolutely love it here. Our neighbors are all farmers and we are surrounded by cattle, horses, pigs and poultry.

We've added chickens, coturnix quail and midget white turkeys to our menagerie, as well as three mouse-hunting cats (one old black cat that had been a stray and stayed with the house when we moved in, and two sweet blue kittens). We still have rabbits, which we raise and show, and our sweet dog, who loves living on a farm and makes it her responsibility to make sure all the other animals are safe.

Not a week passes that one of us doesn't say aloud how much we love living here. It's so wonderful.

I've become a 4-H leader and am loving helping kids learn about rabbits. We have a really great group of kids.

DH is still working at the same job; computer programmer and general computer guru.

We're still attending the same church, and are involved in various small groups and ministries.

This year and last year, the kids have been in a hybrid program where they attend school half of the week and do their assignments at home the other half. It's been a fabulous fit for our family. DH takes the girls to school the mornings they have school, which allows me to sleep in, and usually I pick them up in the afternoon. The extra rest really makes a difference for me, and I'm able to be more functional.

My health issues are still there, and still fluctuate, but are a constant challenge. I'm still far better than I was a few years ago, though, and am still able to do quite a lot as long as I pace myself and plan for the inevitable resting up and recuperating time before and after any activity.

My sister saw a geneticist who specializes in connective tissue disorders, and was diagnosed with a hereditary connective tissue disorder. Probably some version of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or something very similar, though the tests to verify which version don't yet exist (it's not one of the few very serious types that tests have been developed for).

A hereditary issue makes so much sense, considering that both of my siblings and several of our extended family members all suffer from the same kinds of health issues. We're not quite sure whether that diagnosis is instead of or in addition to the FMS/CFIDS stuff, and are still learning about this and what it means.

Largely it makes me a little more careful and aware about overextending myself. While the chance of something like a rupture of a major organ is very small (we don't have the vascular version which carries a life expectancy in the mid-30s due to the high chance of heart or lung rupture), with this type of issue the connective tissue in skin, muscle and joints can suffer permanent damage or wear out preliminarily. From what I understand, any sort of overextension or straining could hasten or worsen issues that could cause more serious long-term disability. Limiting myself in that way is difficult for me with my personality, and I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. :)

My main concern, of course, is for our children and whether they will suffer from it or not. One of our kids is definitely hypermobile, which is one of the big indicators of the disease, but at this point all of the kids are healthy, happy and doing fabulously.

In addition to school, 4-H, AWANA and church activities, the kids are each taking lessons--M&M and Ebee are doing gymnastics (M&M, in particular, is an amazing athlete), and AJ did a couple of sessions of Christian Youth Theater and is now taking dance classes.

Overall, life is good and we feel very blessed.

Filling in the Gaps

I guess I never posted on the blog that NLASS got engaged and then moved out a few months ago to be with her fiance's family. We're still adjusting to that change, but we're managing.

My health is still greatly improved as long as I completely avoid excitotoxins in my diet, although I still have to pace myself and be careful not to overdo it.

We still have our dog, Mira, although I seldom need her help nowadays and she is no longer doing public access training. She is a much-beloved family pet and she still helps me at home on my bad days and enjoys training with me.

The girls and I are raising and showing rabbits, which we very much enjoy. Currently we're in the process of reducing our herd and redesigning the rabbitry to make things more manageable now that NLASS isn't here to help. I hope to have that project completed very soon, and will then turn my attention to more decluttering and organizing in the house (a never-ending project), planning the upcoming homeschool year, and fitting in some fun summer activities with the family.

Bullet Points of Busy

• M&M is doing her last Singapore math lesson for the school year! She's very excited that she's about to finish her book. AJ has quite a ways to go in hers, but I may not have her finish it because she has been so insanely frustrated with it lately. We borrowed Ray's Arithmetic from my mom, and both kids are really enjoying the all-verbal/hands-on approach it takes in the younger grades. I think we will use that for summer math.


• The girls all had big milestones recently. AJ learned how to ride a bicycle without training wheels, M&M learned how to use the monkey bars, and Ebee is picking up letter sounds, writing simple words, and rhyming like crazy.


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• The two older girls and I are going to our third rabbit show this weekend. We're excited about that.
  
  One of our mini satins won Best Opposite of Breed in the last show, and the judges really liked our junior full-sized satins but said they were slightly too young to really compete against the seniors. So we're hoping for good results this show. We're also taking some rabbits to sell, to cut down on the number we have.
  
  AJ and M&M each picked one of the baby mini satins to work with and train to pose for showing, so they're very excited about showing them this weekend.


• Our homeschool co-op and AWANA are over for the summer, but we're not finished with school yet. I trimmed our school schedule down to the bare essentials, though, and structured it so that we (or at least AJ, who seems to need the extra structure and predictability) are doing the same things in the same order every day.
  
  If we work diligently at it, the kids are done with school before lunch. It's nice to have the afternoons free for playing/pets/resting/reading/whatever.


• I haven't blogged about this recently, but AJ is still having trouble processing things like change, transitions, anything being different from the way she thinks it "should" be, worrying a lot about little things, and general emotional outbursts/moodiness. The play therapist (and other specialists we have consulted) thinks she needs something beyond what we've been doing, and needs to be evaluated by a specialist.
  
  Due to a cancellation (and an answer to prayer!), AJ has an appointment with a specialist today. Originally the appt had been scheduled for the end of Sept, and the dr's secretary told me they are now scheduled out to the end of Oct, so it's pretty amazing that we were able to get in so quickly. I am not sure what kind of testing and/or evaluations he will do, but hopefully he will be able to figure out what's going on with AJ and what types of responses and methods would be most helpful for us to use as we interact with her. Mainly, we'd just like to see her be happier and less frustrated with life.
  
  She's rather excited about the appointment. I explained to her that it was a special kind of doctor who helps kids figure out how their brains work (because everyone's brain works differently) and that he would hopefully be able to help her (and us) figure out how to work best with her brain to help manage her emotions and actions better.


• Otherwise, we're all doing well. DH is working and thankful for a good job with great job security, we're involved with church activities and friends, I still struggle with health issues but the Lord is faithful to sustain me, we're again (still) trying to get our house decluttered and organized, the cleaner is still coming every 3 weeks or so, Mira is doing very well with her training, NLASS the college student is still living with us (and we're still finding it a blessing for us and for her), and we're enjoying our pets and other activities.


• Ebee still has no signs of food allergies, though she still has mild reflux and aspiration issues and we still have to be careful about feeding her too much fruit or sugar because of her sensitive stomach and frequent diarrhea.
  
  Now that we know (thanks to the research study I was in) that excititoxins are a big factor for my IBS, FMS and CFS symptoms, as well as the neurological and migraine symptoms, we're trying to avoid those as much as possible for the whole family. Those particular ingredients aren't particularly healthy or necessary to be eating, anyway. Who needs MSG? So that's brought us back to a bit healthier (though still much less restrictive than before) diet. We had gotten in the habit of eating more junk and convenience food again once we didn't have to worry so much about allergens, so this is a healthy move for us.
  
  Interestingly enough, I noticed in looking back over the notes I took on Ebee's symptoms, that some of her "unexplained" diarrhea and stomach issues may have also correlated with excitotoxin ingestion (though I didn't know many of the hidden sources of it at the time). It would certainly explain why Ebee and I (and the other kids to some extent, too) got so sick the week we were eating a lot of bread made with modified tapioca starch, for example. So that's something I'll be keeping an eye on to see if it has any effect on her still-frequent bowel issues. We know that MSG and other excitotoxins also affect the health issues in my extended family, so it's definitely something to at least keep an eye on if not completely avoid.
  
  M&M's legs seem to hurt less when she wears shoes with good arch support for her flat feet, and we all generally enjoy one another's company. The girls all have appointments with the pediatrician next week, but they're just routine checkups.
  
  We will have to decide what vaccinations, if any, we're going to do for Ebee now that she no longer has allergies to corn and soy derivatives, which are in all the vaccines. I still have concerns about some of the other ingredients (like MSG and aborted fetal tissue, among many others) in some of them, and some just simply aren't really necessary at her age, so it will be something we discuss with the pediatrician.


• Oh, and the older girls have learned how to play Dutch Blitz, which is a riot. M&M is particularly good at it and begs to play it often. And the whole family, including Ebee, enjoys playing Carcassonne together.

Busy

I thought you all might enjoy this fun picture of Mira and Gingersnap. Aren't they cute together?

I took some photos of baby bunnies this week, and will hopefully get a chance to post some soon. We've sent to pet homes some of the satin babies that weren't show-quality but had great personalities, sent to freezer camp a few that had health or temperament issues, and are looking for homes for a few more bunnies.

Hopefully we'll be trimmed down to just a few of the best satin and mini satin rabbits before too long. I might also keep the mixed-meat-breed doe, because she's such a wonderful mother and is a great resource as a foster mother while also producing amazingly fast-growing and healthy babies.

Life has been busy, but good, lately. With kids, homeschooling, housework, adding the extra family member, dog training and doctor appointments, plus DH working extra hours due to craziness at work, I have had my hands full.

The college student who is living with us--we'll call her Name-Like-A-Semiprecious-Stone, or NLASS for short--fits in pretty well with our family. She enjoys being here, and we enjoy having her.

Several of you asked what excitotoxins I am avoiding. Yes, artificial sweeteners are on the list, as are natural and artificial flavors. Also any kind of modified starch or modified protein, or extract of a protein/soy/yeast. Soy sauce, of course. And dough conditioners--the stuff that makes bread soft, like L. cystine (not sure if I spelled that right). Who knew? Actually, just about any food with additives is likely to have excitotoxins in it. The actual full list is a full page long, but I'm not supposed to publish it or give it out to people until the study is over.

At least it's not like a food allergy where I have to be 100% compliant and completely avoid everything that might contain any amount of an excitotoxin in it.

Right now I'm beginning the slow process of trying to figure out what levels I can tolerate, and how sick different foods make me. And then deciding which foods are worth what level of illness at what times. Great fun. :)

Bunnies at the Beach

Last week's rabbit show was a lot of fun, except that I didn't realize it was going to be in an open horse arena and the girls and I didn't dress for being semi-outdoors in the snow and wind.

Having the college student live with us is going pretty well. It helps that we like each other and get along well. :) The kids really like her, too.

She has been helping quite a bit with meal preparation and things like that. But mainly it's just nice to bless someone by sharing our home and helping meet needs. She is looking for a job, so if anyone knows of an opening in our area (or even just wants to hire a babysitter), she would love the opportunity to apply.

Right now I'm typing from a hotel on the coast, about 4.5 hours southwest of our home. DH and I decided to get a friend to stay with the kids and animals so we could make it a weekend away together.

I'll go to the rabbit shows, and he'll enjoy hanging out and relaxing on the beach and in our room. Then we'll have tomorrow evening to relax on the beach together, and Sunday morning we'll head home. We've always enjoyed long car rides together. Lots of time to talk, with few distractions.

DH found a very nice roadside inn, located about 30 minutes from the show in Sounds-Like-Abandoned by the Sea. The rooms are much nicer than your average motel room, tastefully decorated with amenities usually found in a suite rather than just a motel room.

Our rabbits haven't done too badly so far. We haven't won anything (well, a few best of class and one best of variety, but only one where we actually beat a rabbit entered by someone else--it's not quite as exciting to win best of variety when your rabbit is the only one in the contest. :) ) Even our rabbits who place low in the class are mostly getting good comments from the judge--it's just very stiff competition.

I went ahead and brought the mini satin doe who was supposed to kindle several days ago. After putting in the nestbox almost a week ago and seeing her cart hay around that day, and then nothing . . . nothing . . . nothing . . . I assumed it must have been a miss or reabsorption, and she wasn't going to have babies. But a more experienced breeder felt her for me and could feel babies in there, so she's just overdue.

Hopefully both she and the babies will be all right. I'm going to pull her out of tomorrow's show and leave her in peace to have her babies. I gave her a box with hay in it, and stuffed lots of extra hay in the biggest carrying cage for her.

My siamese junior doe kept thumping her feet at the judge tonight, so hopefully she won't get too grumpy by the end of the day tomorrow. The other rabbits seem to be doing well--eating fine, active and not showing signs of being too stressed out.

I'm so impressed with how kind and friendly everyone is at the rabbit shows, both judges and exhibitors. I'm learning a lot and having a great time.

And now, I need to go to bed so I can get up early for the show in the morning!

News

We're still sick here, so we ended up canceling our normal weekend activities. I fully intended to get up and get some things done around the house today, but I ended up just going back to bed and staying there most of the day.

I don't like being sick, but I'm very thankful when it happens on the weekend and DH is able to let me rest. He was feeling better today and I let him sleep all afternoon and evening yesterday, so it worked out.

Tomorrow an 18-year-old college student is moving in with us for a few weeks. She needed a place to stay for the rest of the term, and advertised that she'd be willing to help with housework/childcare in exchange for rent. Her references gave her glowing reviews. I still need to find a reputable place online to run a background check tonight, but assuming nothing surprising shows up on that, the kids and I will go get her and her luggage tomorrow afternoon.

The kids loved her immediately when they met her, and DH and I liked her too. AJ has moved in with M&M and Ebee so our Art Student can have AJ's room.

I'm also looking for a place to stay a couple of hours North and then 4.5 hours Southwest of here for the next two weekends. DH did not approve of the sleeping in the van idea at all. I guess it was rather a harebrained idea (pun intended, since we're talking about rabbit shows, har har).

The girls and I can drive to the show next weekend and back the day of the show if we need to, but it would be helpful if we could find a place to stay Friday night so we don't have to get up in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday. I'll work on finding a place to sleep at the coast the next weekend, too.

Long time no post

Apparently I haven't been doing very well at keeping up with my blog lately. I've been really busy with homeschooling, parenting, housework, birthday parties and family/church gatherings, the dog, and the rabbits. Oh, and Facebook. I do update that slightly more often.

We had an opportunity to get a small group of pedigreed Satin rabbits from a show breeder who was quitting, so we now have Satin rabbits. And, we got a trio of mini satin rabbits for the kids to use as their 4-H projects. We still have Gingersnap and Snowflake, but all but one of the mixed-breed meat rabbits have found new homes or have gone into the freezer.

The two older girls and I are planning to take a few of the rabbits to a show a couple of hours north the weekend after next. Ebee will stay here with DH. The weekend after that, I'll be going by myself to a show on the coast where they'll be having a Satin specialty show and I can hopefully learn a lot about the breed and find out how good or not-good our rabbits really are. :) I'm not sure yet if I'll be trying to find a place to stay, or just sleeping in my van that weekend.

Among the Satin rabbits we got was a litter of 4-week-old babies (6 weeks old now). The kids have been enjoying those immensely. They are also very excited about the idea of getting some of the other rabbits ready for the show, and showing them.

AJ turned 8 on Monday. Wow. My little girl is growing up so fast. It seems these years are spinning by faster than I can hold onto them. We had a fun party on Saturday, where the primary party game was playing with bunnies. :)



Tomorrow Mira is getting spayed, and Saturday if I am well enough by then, I have a dog-owner training session.

Right now I have a lovely virus that's been going around. DH and Ebee got it first, and now I have it. AJ and M&M were mildly ill but seem to have fought it off so far for the most part.

And now, I'm signing off and going back to bed!

Still here

Things have been really crazy the last few weeks with the wedding and everything. Dr. A's wedding was beautiful and fun, and everything went great. Now we're just trying to recover and get back into our routine.

More updates below the fold . . .

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I have been feeling quite a bit better the last few weeks. I was only down for 2 or 3 days after the wedding instead of being incapacitated for several weeks, which is a huge improvement. Very encouraging.

My test results on the Epstein-Barr titers came back, and I was very pleased to hear that I do NOT have chronic mononucleosis, and no longer have an active mono infection. It took me about a year, but I'm finally over it and seem to be recovered from having mono. So that's a huge praise.

My friend JT had her baby, and we had a new little grand-nephew born this week too.

We're enjoying our pets a lot, and the pet bunnies and Mira are all scheduled for spays and neuters over the next few weeks. Ebee let all the bunnies out together the weekend before last, so Snowflake's spay may end up being delayed if she got pregnant.

We're becoming quite the menagerie, actually. We also got three meat rabbits (well, we started out with 4, but one went into a stew pretty quickly). The ones left are two does and a buck, that we are possibly going to try our hand at raising (just for ourselves and Mira, not as a business). Ebee let the two pet bucks and all three does out, so we're hoping we're not going to end up having three litters all at once in a few weeks.

At the moment we also have a little bantam rooster that we were given, who had originally been intended for eating also, but he is so cute and non-aggressive and so unusually quiet for a rooster that the kids and I wanted to keep him as a pet. I have been putting him in the garage at night in a dog carrier covered with a cloth, and he stays quiet until I let him out in the late morning. He crows for a while when I first let him out, and then he putters around in the garden eating bugs and dead vegetation all day, and doesn't make even his relatively quiet crowing very much for the rest of the day. He eats hardly any chicken feed, either because he finds so much to eat in the garden or because he is just so small.

DH is adamant that dogs and a rabbit are enough animals for the time being, though, and he's probably right. So the little rooster will need to find a new home in a week or so after he has time to clean up the garden a bit more. It seems a shame to eat such a nice, unusually quiet tiny rooster, so if anyone in the area wants a sweet little bantam rooster for a pet or to start a flock, please let me know. He only weighs about a pound and a half, feathers and all.

Mira is in heat right now, but her training is going well. She is a little less patient than usual with being in heat. I told DH that now I know why they call grumpiness in women what they do. :)

We got our roof fixed this week, finally. No more branch in the ceiling.

The kids are having a bit of a hard time getting back into our school routine after the chaos with the wedding and everything the last few weeks, but I expect that things will settle down within a week or two.

Our homeschool co-op term starts up again in a few weeks, and DH is teaching a class for 7th-12th graders on "What's inside your computer". I think he and the kids will all really enjoy that.

That's all for now! I'm off to bed.

Quick update

I've spent the last week or two mostly resting a lot, between family gatherings and caring for the kids. Yesterday and today, I've actually felt like I was starting to have a bit of energy again. That's encouraging. A lot of DH's family is in town right now, so we've had some really nice times visiting with them.

We spent Friday and Saturday with Adventurous BIL and Artistic SIL at their new farm . . . they're now less than an hour southeast of us rather than 2 hours north, which makes quite a difference in visit-ability (is that a word?)

Several times this month, we've gotten to attend family gatherings on DH's side, at SIL the Mentor's house and at FIL/MIL's house. It's been great to spend time with our loved ones--both the ones who live nearby and the ones who live across the world from us.

Now that's embarrassing

I managed to get myself stranded at a friend's house today. I know my pain and fatigue levels were really high today, but I figured that since they were only about 10-15 minutes' drive away, I'd be able to manage.

The kids had a great time playing with their friends, but I forgot that they also have two cats in the house. Adding the cat allergens on top of the fairly extreme flare-up I was already having was just too much for me.

By the time I realized how bad it was getting, I was past being able to drive. So I tried to stick it out until I felt better, but it just kept getting worse. I tried to hide it as long as I could, but eventually I dissolved into a puddle of tears. Don't you just hate it when pain and fatigue get to the level where you can't think straight and you feel like you're either going to throw up or pass out?

My friend was so sweet. She put me to rest in her bed, sent the kids outside, and said that she really could drive us home or call my husband if I needed her to.

Eventually I felt enough better to be able to drive home, promising my friend that I would call her when I got home (or pull over and call her or DH before then if I was having difficulty driving safely).

The trip home went fine, other than my getting annoyed at a trucker in a fancy semi who apparently thought the road was a hotrod racetrack. He kept riding on my tail, then tried to pass me where there wasn't really room. I cringed and tucked my tail, speeding faster than I felt comfortable with while trying to keep a safe distance between us. Finally I braked to a fast 35 MPH (on a 35MPH road) to fling my minivan around the corner onto our street. He honked at me as he gunned past up the hill. Argh.

Anyway, we made it home OK. For most of the afternoon I let the kids play in the back yard while I rested on the couch nearby. Thankfully we had enough leftovers for dinner, and Ebee took a short nap. DH took over when he got home and let me take it easy.

I'm really hoping the pain levels will settle down enough to let me sleep tonight. I've often been having trouble dozing off before 4 or 5 in the morning this week, because the worse the pain gets the harder it is to sleep--and the less sleep I get, the worse the pain gets. Lovely cycle, there.

As the week wears on, I'm really questioning whether the fun at the beach was really worth it. I'm glad to have done it, but I'm not sure I'd do it again. I'd been feeling a lot better the last couple of weeks, but I guess it's still pretty easy to upset the equilibrium. Grrr.

Sleep well, everyone. I'm heading to bed, and I'm sticking close to home for a while.

No Bids?

The Cavalli auction is ending in about 4 hours 40 minutes. No bids so far. 26 watchers, 243 views, but no bids. Hopefully someone will bid at the last minute.

If it doesn't sell, I'll have to decide whether to reslist it, send it to Christie's (they had given an estimate of 400 to 600 British pounds sterling, which is quite a bit more than my starting bid) or keep it and wear it. :)

The End of MILK?

Well, after my last post, Baby E of course had to prove me wrong.

The next morning, with a little gentle prodding from DH, Baby E decided she wanted the new doll badly enough to forego nursing. DH told her that if she made it through all day that day and the next day with no milk from Mommy, she could have her doll at bedtime the next evening.

It helped, of course, that it was the weekend. DH let me sleep in while he fed the kids breakfast and entertained them. Then he took the kids shopping while I took off for my birthday celebration (a week early to work around holiday schedules).

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After last year (when I spent my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years home alone with one or more sick kids), I decided I should just plan my own party. It was a great party, if I do say so myself. :) I haven't had so much fun in ages.

First I went to see a movie with Morning and Dr. A. We saw Enchanted and enjoyed it a lot. I did wish I hadn't watched so many of the trailers, sneak previews, and clips of the songs on the website, though. Most of the really cute/funny moments were not a surprise to me because of that.

Dr. A had only seen one trailer and Morning knew nothing about the movie before seeing it, and the fun little twists in plot and tongue-in-cheek moments were more unexpected for them.

So, my recommendation is that if you go to see it, don't watch the songs and all the extra material on the website first. :)

Morning bought a big tub of movie theater popcorn and I ate a large portion of it---mmmm. It's been literally years since I had movie theater popcorn. It's so nice to be able to eat pretty much anything I want now.

Morning had to leave after that, so Dr. A and I went shopping for lactose-free pizza (we ended up buying two Amy's soy-cheese pizzas and found some toppings in the deli to add) and some other goodies, then went to pick up JT (my fellow writing major friend, also married to a computer geek) and then back to Dr. A's apartment to eat, visit and play a board game.

We had all the necessary ingredients for a good time: junk food, munchy snacks (including some fresh fruits and veggies), friends, fun, laughter, and of course chocolate.

All in all, it was a fabulous day.

By the time I got home, the kids were already in bed and asleep. So the first day of official weaning was easy. DH said that Baby E only asked for milk once or twice, and quickly changed her mind when he reminded her about the doll. I'm sure it helped that I wasn't there, anyway. :)

Sunday Baby E and I still had colds and Baby E's cough had returned, so DH took the older two girls to church while Baby E and I stayed home. DH had gotten a bunch of cleaning and organizing done the day before (including doing things like installing furniture anchors to stabilize a wobbly bookcase), which was a wonderful surprise. But there was still quite a bit to do to get ready for our Bible study/fellowship group to meet at our home in the afternoon.

Baby E did ask for milk. I told her that she could have milk after breakfast if she wanted it, but reminded her that this would mean she wouldn't get her doll that night. After a little cuddle time and some breakfast, she decided that she would rather have me play a board game with her.

So she taught me how to play "Don't Feed the Gators", a new game DH and the kids had picked up the day before.

"You woll duh dice wike dis and den make duh monkey doh. At duh end he tan eat the food. Yum, yum!

"Don't det it in the owlidattow's mouf, owr it might eat it! The wed monkey tan make duh awwidatow eat it. Yike dis . . . aaah! The monkey is in duh owlidattow's mouf! Oh no! The owlidattow ate my lellow monkey! Aaaah!

"See? Now, I be lellow. What tolowr monkey do you want be, Mommy?"

We played. My monkey got eaten by the alligator, so Baby E won. We both had a blast.

(Is it just me, or is it rather precocious that a not-long-turned-2-year-old can play simple board games [with some coaching and help counting/moving the pieces] and doesn't have difficulty taking turns and understanding the general concept of the game?)

Baby E did ask for milk a few times throughout the day. Each time I told her that she was welcome to have milk if she chose, but that then she wouldn't get her dolly that night. Then I offered her a choice between milk from Mommy, some other food or beverage, or some cuddling/play time with Mommy. Each time she chose to forego the MILK.

Her reflux is definitely worse from drinking so much orange juice, but we are slowly finding other options that she's at least willing to try and that are thick enough not to cause aspiration issues. The suggestions from readers are helpful--keep them coming!

Baby E got her doll last night. She's so thrilled and proud of herself.

The doll is named Muffin. E is adamant that it's a boy. She's really enjoying naming things and giving them their own little personalities right now. Her other favorite doll is Rosie ("Woh-thee") and her stuffed poodle is named Baby Shower ("Baby Tlowuh"). Yes, the dog is named Baby Shower. She got very frustrated with me before I finally deciphered what she was saying on that one. LOL.

Last night after the excitement of home group and lots of cheese crackers, then dinner followed by ice cream, M&M was complaining of her tummy.

After hardly any complaints of her tummy or legs hurting while we had the kids off milk, she's complaining of her tummy frequently again now that we've reintroduced dairy products. After the first few days, AJ flat-out refused to eat anything with milk in it, so I think both girls are probably lactose-intolerant like their mommy. No big surprise there. They seem to do all right with low-lactose or lactose-free dairy products, so I think it's a lactose issue rather than a general milk issue.

In the middle of the night M&M came and climbed into our bed, snuggling down between us. "My tummy really, really hurts," she whimpered. Then she threw up.

I must say, DH and I make a great team in such situations--almost without words we both jump into action. One changes the bed while the other bathes and soothes the child; one fetches a bowl in case of future vomiting while the other weaves a braid to keep hair out of the child's face--yes, we make a good team.

We had several opportunities to practice our great teamwork skills last night--including three changes of bedding and multiple trips down the hallway and stairs. DH ended up staying in the kids' room at the end and letting me go back to bed, which was terribly sweet of him.

M&M seems to be fine this morning, so we may never know what exactly caused the illness. I guess if someone else comes down with it in a day or two we'll know it was a virus. :)

Right now the kids are watching Bob the Builder.

I still haven't figured out the relationship between Bob and Wendy. When I inquired, the kids informed me that Bob and Wendy are married, but they live in different houses. They said that Bob and Wendy used to share a house until Bob built Wendy her own house (pink, with a flower on it) and now they live nearby with a little pathway going between their houses.

"They're husband and wife. Well, I guess maybe they're not husband and wife, but they're partners. They build and fix things together . . . they're partners."

So, can anyone clue me in on this one? Do my kids have it a bit mixed up, or is that the basic story?

Hmmm, I hear Baby E coming, shouting, "MILK! I want milk! Milk!"

We'll see what transpires . . .

The latest summary on Baby E.

Thanks to David for highlighting my blog. Since he linked to the 15-month-summary I wrote back in November, I wanted to post an update to link from that post.

When SIL, BIL and their family were here recently, SIL commented how different Baby E's entire demeanor is now than it was in December. She's so much happier, more social and interactive, energetic, and sunnier in demeanor than she was a few months ago.

Even though she still has a lot of reactions and symptoms--some of which we're unable to pinpoint the causes of--she's still doing so much better.

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In October and November she was screaming inconsolably at least 30 to 50% of the time. She was fussy, lethargic, grumpy and uncomfortable most of the rest of the time. Her truly good days were far and few between, and what would have been a relatively good day then would be a "not feeling well" day now.

The reflux medicine has made a huge difference for her. Even just having her off it for a few days when she started reacting to it, I've been seeing more of the short-fused, fussy, grumpy and uncomfortable baby again. I really don't want her to go back to that as the norm. Hopefully she will be okay with this new batch of medicine, or we will be able to control her discomfort with Zant@c instead.

Thickening Baby E's beverages has made a big difference too. She doesn't choke so often, and she no longer sounds congested all the time.

The other thing that I think has made a big difference has been raising our level of caution about incidental exposure to E's allergens. Everything--food, toothpaste, laundry detergent, craft supplies, toys, etc.--comes under scrutiny.

If it has even traces of E's allergens in it, it either doesn't come into the house or it gets treated like a toxic, dangerous substance that can't come near anything Baby E might touch. If we have people over, we provide the snacks or check labels as it comes in the door. Anything (especially anything crumbly or drippy) with corn, soy or coconut in it goes immediately back out to the person's car, unopened.

We've discovered the hard way that we can't just stick to a very limited diet with Baby E. If she eats any one thing too often, she's likely to develop an allergy to it. So we have to rotate foods and try different things more often than we might otherwise choose.

Anything that seems at all doubtful is being added carefully, one thing at a time and ideally not more than one item per week. But even with that precaution we get frequent mild reactions.

Sometimes it's something that has been safe dozens of times before, and this time we happened to get a batch with some kind of cross-contamination or an undeclared ingredient change.

Maybe this batch of organic carrots was washed in citric acid or came in contact with something that had been treated with soy- or corn-derived wax. Maybe the meat processor decided to start washing their machinery with a disinfectant made from one of E's allergens. Maybe that pear or tomato was ripened using corn-derived ethelyne gas.

We suspect that Baby E has one or more allergies that we have not yet identified--it could be a food, something environmental, or who knows what. Since she's had positive skin tests to at least 8 different things, but negative IgE blood tests to everything, it will be interesting to see what the allergist says as we further explore her reactions.

Since her severe face rash and swelling during the endoscopy in December, she now gets rashes on her face very easily. That has become a good indicator of her mild allergic reactions.

Most of the time now, Baby E sleeps through the night. She has a lot of mild to moderate reactions (including rashes, itching, occasional swelling, congestion and gastrointestinal symptoms), but hasn't had a really severe reaction for weeks.

She doesn't feel well sometimes--still too much of the time, we think. But generally she is happy, bright, energetic, interactive and loves life.

We don't have all the answers yet. There may still be other things unrelated to allergies (besides the reflux, aspiration, and anemia) that we haven't yet figured out.

The GI specialist wants to do another stool test to check for sucrose intolerance, but I'm guessing that will come back negative.

She isn't consistently getting any of the symptoms we were seeing from just eating normal amounts of unrefined sugars. The sweet-smelling malabsorptive-type stools seem to be connected to her low-grade allergic reactions, and to consuming certain foods (particularly plums, I think--which were probably coated with corn-derived wax that wasn't completely eliminated with washing and peeling). That's encouraging to me.

I've had to come to terms all over again recently with the fact that we probably will never get to a point where things become static and we can completely or almost completely keep E from having reactions. But I think I'm okay with that now.

I'm just glad she's so much better than she was.

It's interesting to look at the symptoms Baby E had when being regularly exposed to high amounts of allergens and dealing with a lot of discomfort from the reflux, etc.

She was losing skills, regressing in speech, becoming antisocial, screaming and flailing for hours at a time, sometimes sitting staring into space or barely responsive, being extremely picky about foods and textures, failing to gain weight, getting wildly upset by the slightest things, and sometimes engaging in repetitive behavior such as banging her head with her fist.

She still does those things if she gets a moderate to severe allergic reaction or is in a lot of discomfort. Otherwise she's perfectly social, interactive, bright, intelligent and very normal.

I have to wonder, though: If we hadn't been able to figure out that allergies and reflux were issues for her, what would have happened if we'd kept feeding her the problem foods and left the reflux untreated? Would she have descended gradually further into the withdrawn, abnormal behavior?

Even if we'd eventually figured out her issues, might some of the damage eventually have become irreversible? Would she have dropped so far in her development that she would have been unable to catch up? Or could the patterns of behavior have become so deeply ingrained that they became normal for her?

If we had been unable to figure out what was causing Baby E's discomfort and other symptoms, would she have been diagnosed with failure to thrive, autism, asperger's, sensory integration disorder, oppositional defiance or some other similar condition? Doctors were already starting to mention things like SID.

When a young child is experiencing intense uncomfortable sensations, it will show in their behavior--perhaps in unexpected ways. It's hard enough for an adult to function and control their behavior when in pain, itching, experiencing migraines, having allergic reactions, etc. What must it be like for a young child who doesn't understand what's going on, or perhaps has never experienced anything different?

I thank God constantly that we've been able to find so many causes and solutions to help Baby E.

The last week or so, I've been feeling that it's easier to divide my focus and energy between the various household and family needs. Baby E is still essentially a special-needs child, and her care, diet, etc. will probably always require extra energy. But most of the time, at least at home, I think we're able to give her a pretty normal life.

And I'm slowly learning how to meet her needs without making her too much the focus of the household. I'm finding ways to make time to homeschool AJ and M&M and focus on them, while still taking care of household tasks, cooking hypoallergenic meals, etc.

I still have a long way to go, but I think we're on the right track toward learning how to balance our life and family.

Unfortunately, at this point it involves getting very little sleep. :) Hopefully as I improve in my time management and balancing skills, that will improve.

I fluctuate between feeling discouraged and overwhelmed, and feeling hopeful and positive. But through it all God sustains me and gives me strength.

Today I'm feeling encouraged.

15-month summary

[This post was written in November 2006, and some things have changed since then.

The January 22, 2007 update is here. The most recent (Feb 13, 2007) update can be found here.]

Baby E is 15 months old today. She's walking and saying lots of words, and is bright and active just like her sisters. She's gained the nickname E-bee, because she's such a busy little bee.

It's been a wonderful and difficult 15 months.

E has had some health issues since birth. 15 months later, she's still having them. But we don't know why, or what exactly is wrong with her.

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At first it seemed like bad colic, but it was very severe, with crying episodes lasting days at a time. It just didn't go away.

She would double over, arch her back, throw her body wildly around, and scream and scream. She barely slept for the first year of her life, and when she did sleep she'd often be crying in her sleep even if we were holding her.

She also has had frequent diarrhea and strange-looking BMs, congestion, pulling at her ears, pointing down her throat, little sores on her tongue, and distinctive diaper-area rashes.

We were always taking her in to the doctor thinking she had an ear infection or some other illness, but they could never find anything wrong with her.

We finally found that cutting out specific foods helped a lot. We'd known she was allergic to soy since she was about 6 weeks old because she would have such a severe and immediate reaction if I ever ate some and she got it in my milk.

When she was 11 months old, she dumped cracker crumbs from an empty box over herself. The crackers contained both corn and soy. That caused an immediate strong reaction including a full-body rash along with her typical severe stomach pain, diarrhea, crying and flailing, pointing to her head and pulling on her ears, and congestion.

Skin testing with an allergist verified what we suspected the problem foods were, and also revealed a few more.

We know she is highly allergic to corn and soy--enough that even trace amounts in my milk or in dairy products from animals fed corn cause a significant reaction.

She apparently reacts even to yeast grown on corn. Foods like baking powder, iodized salt, anything enriched (flour, white rice, juice, baby food, cereals, etc), anything prepackaged, food additives, fillers in medication, and even fresh fruits, vegetables and meat often contain hidden corn.

We've had to completely change our lifestyle and learn how to make everything from baking powder to yeast-free breads from scratch.

E tested allergic to red kidney beans and has seemed to react to several other legumes, so we're avoiding all legumes (beans, peas, peanuts, carob, guar gum, etc.) for the time being. She also tested allergic to mold, which is considered an airborne allergen.

After her allergy testing at 11 months of age, we started cutting out corn derivatives and adding some of the foods she hadn't tested allergic to.

She improved greatly as we were able to pinpoint more of the hidden sources of corn and remove them from her diet. She had tested negative to most of the common allergens like wheat, eggs and dairy, so we started adding some of these into her diet and this seemed to go well.

For a while it seemed that we could trace all her bad spells to having consumed corn, soy or something cross-contaminated with one of those. Things like touching the floor and then her mouth could bring on a reaction. She would usually react fairly severely, generally within 15 minutes of having been exposed to one of her allergens. The reactions would last anywhere from 3 to 36 hours or so.

By shortly after her first birthday we were relatively certain that we were eating a diet free of all her known allergens.

She did better for a few weeks, then started having a lot of problems again. We tried eliminating the foods that seemed to be problematic, including mushrooms, sweet potatoes, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers) and other possible problem foods. But that didn't help much.

Over the course of a week or two she had a lot of seeming reactions that we weren't able to pinpoint, and then she mostly stopped eating and stopped nursing cold-turkey. She'd act like she desperately wanted to eat and nurse but was afraid it would make her sick. She would gag and spit out most foods, including pumped milk in a cup, as soon as they touched her mouth.

Finally I took both E and myself down to a diet of just the 5 foods I was pretty sure she wasn't allergic to--brown rice, chicken, broccoli, pears and bananas--cooked only with water and unrefined sea salt.

She did fabulously on that diet for a week. She was happier and healthier than we'd ever seen her, and she had more energy and started sleeping better at night. She started eating a ton and nursing again, too.

Then we had to start adding gluten-containing foods back into her diet. Some of her symptoms and our family history are consistent with possible celiac disease, and she has to be eating gluten in order for the celiac screening and tests to be accurate. We made a point to give her some form of gluten every day, which was more gluten than she'd ever eaten before in her life.

She came down with a bad stuffy nose that night and has been sick for the 3 weeks or so since then.

Over the course of the next week she kept getting slightly sicker each day, and having more crying spells. She started refusing most foods again, and eating very little.

Before another week passed she was screaming constantly and throwing her body around wildly, completely inconsolable. She cried hysterically for almost 3 days, stopping only to stare into space or doze off briefly, or allow herself to be cuddled when she had exhausted herself. Just sitting and doing nothing is very abnormal for her. We slept very little, and when she did sleep she would cry in her sleep and then wake screaming in pain.

The pediatrician could find nothing wrong with her.

We took her to an allergist, who did more testing and found out that sometime in the last week or two she had apparently developed an allergy to bananas. She also tested allergic to oats and borderline allergic to apples and mushrooms. She did not test allergic to wheat, which had seemed connected to her episodes of diarrhea.

That brings our total of confirmed allergies to 8 so far. All of them are things I've suspected or in hindsight noticed reactions after she ate them.

But cutting out the foods she was allergic to didn't help much. She did get better after a few days. But she still screamed a lot and was miserable much of the time.

She has continued having frequent diarrhea and pointing at her head, ears, stomach and throat, indicating that they hurt. She still has a runny nose, but no other cold or virus symptoms. She is often lethargic, fussy and clingy. She has had prolonged episodes of screaming and flailing.

When we took her to a doctor there was no sign of inflammation or infection anywhere, and no fever or anything to indicate a virus. She was cutting molars and maybe had a cold, but that alone didn't seem enough to explain her symptoms. Especially since the same thing to various degrees has been going on for 15 months now.

Her episodes of inconsolable screaming, pain and/or diarrhea have lasted anywhere from 20 minutes to several days, but I don't think she's ever gone more than 4-5 days (or maybe a week at most) without a bad spell in the course of her entire life. She'll go weeks at a time without a really good day.

I've been waiting since August for her to be well enough for a few days to try introducing some "iffy" foods and a medication containing corn derivatives that the allergist wanted to see if she could tolerate. With the exception of one week, she's never been well enough for a few days at a time that I felt I'd be able to tell clearly whether she was having a new reaction or not.

Sometimes she will be playing happily one minute, then unaccountably scream and cry for an hour, giggle and play for a few minutes, and then start screaming again. The fluctuations can be sudden and extreme. Some days she wants to do nothing but sleep and be held, responding very little to her surroundings and crying if put down. She'll revert for a week or more to communicating only by crying and grunting instead of using the many words and hand signs she knows.

Occasionally she sleeps 18+ hours in a day and seems tired even when awake. Other times she'll go days at a time averaging 3-6 hours of sleep per 24-hour period no matter what we do. For most of her life she has slept very little even when it's obvious she's tired.

On a really bad day she does nothing but scream and sit. On a good day she is bright, cheerful, communicative, energetic, outgoing and social, going down easily for 1-2 naps and sleeping through the night. Most days she's somewhere in between, but she seems to be toward the bad end of the spectrum more often lately.

At this point we are working with a pediatrician, an allergist, and a naturopath to try to figure out what's wrong with her. We are waiting for an appointment in December with a pediatric gastroenterologist that the pediatrician referred us to.

The doctors keep saying it must be her allergies. The allergist is certain that allergies are not the primary cause of her symptoms.

We do know that she is allergic to corn, soy, kidney beans, oats, bananas, mold and probably apples and mushrooms so far. We completely avoid those foods along with all legumes and nightshades.

But the allergist does not believe most of what we're seeing can be connected to allergies. Lately we haven't been able to connect her episodes specifically to what she's eating.

She also has very sensitive skin, to the point that she gets red marks from being gently picked up, or from her clothes rubbing her skin. After a 5-minute bath she'll have an imprint from the bottom of the tub on her body that takes a long time to fade, and she bruises very easily. This is normal for our family, but it can make identifying rashes and other dermatological symptoms difficult.

So far, possibilities that are being considered include some combination of allergies, a gastrointestinal disorder, an autoimmune disorder such as celiac, candidiasis/leaky gut syndrome, reflux, or a problem with the way she processes sensory input.

Unfortunately the family history isn't particularly encouraging. We have an extended family full of multiple food and environmental allergies, known and unknown autoimmune disorders, strange neurological symptoms, hereditary kidney failure of an unknown type, chronic pain and unexplained illnesses.

Many of us had severe problems starting in childhood, some of which never did find any diagnosis or explanation. Nothing like what's going on with Baby E, though.

I am not willing to believe that there is no answer for Baby E. There has to be some reason or solution out there somewhere. I intend to keep searching until I find it or until God heals her.

It has been a real challenge this past year to care for a sick baby and homeschool the older girls, while also cooking hypoallergenic meals from scratch and attempting to make some effort at housework. I haven't done very well at keeping up with correspondence, writing thank-you notes, attending events or anything else.

At this point I'm trying to transition into some method of coping that will be mores sutainable over the long-term. We somehow need to find some normalcy in our daily life while we're waiting to find something that can help Baby E.

[Update: More on Baby E's medical history and answers to questions in the comments in this follow-up post.]