No soft bedding!

I heard shrieks coming from the family room and peeked in to see what the girls were arguing about. M got a fabulous canopy bed/crib with a doll in it for her birthday, and they were both standing over it.

M was crying, "My baby needs a pillow and a blanket!"

A had taken the pillow and blanket out of the crib. She said in a very sensible tone, "But babies don't have pillows and blankets in their beds."

Now, how did she know that???

I said, "You're right, A; real babies don't have pillows and loose blankets in their beds. But this is just a pretend baby, so it can have a pillow and blanket if M wants it to."

"Okay." Together, the two of them put the pillow and blanket back in the baby's bed. Crisis averted, and everyone is happy.

Well, it was what I'd told her to do . . . sort of.

I've had a number of talks with the girls about how it's impolite to comment on someone else's size, build or body features--unless you're saying something nice. I encourage them to tell people that they have pretty eyes, they like their shirt, etc. rather than making the kind of comments that can be embarrassing.

So today A looked at a man in the checkout line and mentally noted his most prominent feature.

Then she turned to me and said loudly, "Mom, that man has a pretty nose."

Car seats

It's 5:36 a.m. and I've been awake for about two hours. It's times like this when I start thinking about things like all the glowing reviews of this pregnancy pillow, which claim that it actually makes a full night of sweet, comfortable, nearly uninterrupted sleep possible during the last part of pregnancy.

I've been researching baby products during what little time I've spent at the computer lately. I suddenly hit the point of panic when I realized that the baby could be here very soon and we don't have a car seat yet. Anything else can be purchased later or improvised, but since they won't let you take the baby home without a car seat not having one could be a problem. At the very least, I wanted to have one picked out so that DH could run out and buy it while the baby and I were in the hospital if necessary.

So I researched. I asked questions on message boards, read reviews, checked out safety ratings, talked to DH. Finally I picked out a carseat. Whew!

Then I found out it had been temporarily (?) discontinued. Plus, the similar model we found (available only in a travel system, which we don't need) turned out to have an almost impossible to adjust handle. Even DH could barely raise or lower it because the release buttons were so difficult to push. It was nice other than that, but an infant carrier isn't much good if you can't raise and lower the handle.

Back to square one.



Yesterday DH and the girls and I took one of my most realistically-sized and weighted dolls (I collect them) to Babies R' Us and another store and tried out infant car seats. It really helps to have something about the right size and weight to strap in the infant carrier and carry around.

All I knew for sure was that I didn't want an Evenflo seat . . . I've owned several carseats of that brand and have been very unhappy with the product and the customer service, and their safety ratings are poor in comparison to other seats. I was willing to at least consider pretty much anything else. It had to have a 5-point harness and the new higher weight/height limits, and we were trying to keep the cost under $100 if possible.

So we proceeded to go into two stores and give people heart attacks with our doll, which looked a little too realistic to be handling as casually as we were. :) I think I may have talked the BRU location into considering keeping some dolls around for people to try out in the various products. You really can't tell how the straps and buckles work or how a carrier balances without putting something like a doll in it to try it out.

After coming home and doing a bit more research, we finally decided on a new Graco Snugride infant seat with the new 22 lb/29 inch weight limit. Those extra 2 pounds and 3 inches of usability will probably give us at least 6 months extra to use the seat at the rate our petite girls grow. Now we just have to shop around to find the best combination of features (i.e. the GracoPedic foam padding) and price.

All right, since it's now after 6 a.m. I'm going to try to go back to sleep. :) Thankfully, BIL and SIL have been here so much in the last couple of weeks that our kids have started to adjust to nephew J's sleep schedule--going to bed and getting up later--so it will hopefully be 2-3 hours before the kids get up.

Taking it easy

We've had a wonderful but busy last few days, with my BIL/SIL and nephew staying with us since Friday and then a big barbecue/birthday party for M today. I'm having to take it easy still, so it really helped to have my sister-in-law here for a few days. She kept telling me to sit down and put my feet up while she took care of things.

I'm still having quite a few contractions if I don't stay off my feet. When I'm relaxing with my feet up, they're only about one per hour and quite mild, but if I get up and start doing things they're more like 15 minutes apart, and if I overdo it (which doesn't take much at all, just being on my feet moving around for more than a few minutes at a time) they get closer to 3-10 minutes apart. Tonight after trying to help get ready for the party (in moderation), I was getting several contractions every time I stood up. So I'm not doing much. So annoying--I hate to sit still!

This week should be interesting, trying to stay off my feet most of the time with two preschoolers running around.

Hopefully these contractions will settle down and I will be able to resume relatively normal activity in a few days. If not, I'll take it easy until I hit 2 weeks before the due date and then be as active as I want and hope the baby will come soon. :)

Stay, Baby!

I've been having this odd stomach/abdominal pain this afternoon/evening. After a couple hours of "boy, my stomach kind of hurts . . . oh, it's better now" I realized it was coming and going with some regularity. 2 or 3 of them were really identifiable contractions. After a call to my midwife and a half-hour lying down and drinking water, it hasn't gone away so we're headed to the L & D room at the hospital to be evaluated. Hopefully it's just my tummy hurting or something like that. :)

Please send us some baby-stay-put thoughts and prayers. We want her to stay where she is for a couple more weeks or so since the due date is still 4 weeks away.

[Update: Well, I was actually having some contractions but as long as I stay off my feet and take it easy they're not frequent or intense. All the other signs look good for my body preparing for labor in a few weeks but not immediately. So I'm just supposed to take it easy and not overdo it. Thankfully my BIL and SIL (brother/sister-in-law) are here for the rest of the week so I'll have someone else around during the day as well as a cousin the kids' age to entertain them.]

Hmmm . . . food.

I'm in the last few weeks of my pregnancy now, and in looking back at my recent blog entries, it appears I've developed quite an interest in food.

It does seem I most enjoy and appreciate food most when I'm pregnant. Other times I can often take it or leave it, but everything seems to taste better as a result of pregnancy hormones. And then there are the cravings, which mean I bake and cook more unusual things.

DH even coined a saying: "Never get between a pregnant woman and her food."

Of course, I'm starting to get to the point where I pile my plate with delicious-looking food and then run out of space in my baby-compressed stomach even while I still feel hungry.

No wonder DH tends to gain weight during my pregnancies.

M's Birthday

Yesterday M turned 3. People keep telling me that I'd better enjoy my kids' stages as they come, because they grow up so fast. But I'm still constantly amazed at how quickly they grow and change.

[Warning--this post is long, since it's essentially a blow-by-blow description of the entire day for the benefit of family who couldn't be there.]

We had a great day. The girls slept in (for once!) until about 10, so we had breakfast late.

Since M's favorite color is pink right now, she had requested "pink evryfing" for her birthday. Breakfast was pink pancakes. I just added some strawberry Kool-Aid mix with a little sugar, and it made a beautiful pink batter that tasted good too.

The girls were beside themselves.

A said that when our family and friends came for the big party this weekend, she would tell them we had pink pancakes today.

M kept telling Daddy about it later in the day, with great excitement. I wish there was a way to convey the way she talks . . . she is so very expressive. Eyes big and sparkling, mouth in an O or a big grin, she spreads her hands in wide, enthusiastic gestures and is animated from head to foot as she proclaims, "Daddy, we had pink pancakes for breakfast!!! Mommy made them. They were pink!"

After breakfast the girls played while while I did some more work on the kitchen and started another load of dishes and laundry, and then we went to the store to exchange a gift my grandmother (a.k.a. GGM or Great-Grandma) had sent for M. GGM forgot M was turning 3 instead of 2, so had bought her the cutest outfit in size 24 months. I thought it would be fun to let M pick out the replacement.

We found the perfect thing . . . little denim jumpers. Cute, durable, and adjustable, so they'll fit a long time. They were even on clearance. I ended up getting one for each of the girls and even one for the baby, as well as a few other things. Hey, I'm a sucker for matching outfits. It would give A something to open when M was opening her gifts later that night too. And, I found a cute red and white blouse for M to go with it, keeping the red and blue color scheme GGM had originally chosen.

The girls enjoyed looking at clothes until DH came to meet me and take over with them so I could go to my chiropractor appointment. It left me sore and tired, but I can already tell I'm going to be feeling a lot better.

When I got home from that, the girls were both napping (good!) and DH was working away on his laptop. I had just enough time to put the cake in the oven and make the meat pie.

As per Sis' (a.k.a. J) suggestion, I made the filling on the stovetop. First I boiled the carrots and potatoes with some beef broth until they were just slightly firm. Then I pan-fried the onions and garlic and added those, along with the cooked hamburger and chopped celery, asparagus, and green beans, a bit of salt and pepper, and some thyme, basil and sage. Since the veggies and herbs were fresh (I have an herb bed in my front yard, next to the flowers), it started smelling delicious almost immediately.

The cake got done somewhere in the process, so I pulled it out of the oven and set it on the stovetop to cool, turning the oven up to the right temperature for the pie.

Then I mixed up a fresh pie crust (had to make a second batch because it took the whole two-crust recipe just to cover the bottom and sides of the dish I was using). Just before transferring the meat-veggie mixture into the pan, I stirred in some frozen corn and spinach. Pie in the oven. Since it was now 6:00 and dinner was planned for 6:30, I was hoping it would bake quickly.

Meanwhile, I kept smelling something burning. I checked and double-checked everything I had cooking and finally decided it must be the huge quantities of charcoalizing raspberry-rhubarb juice on the bottom of the oven from the pie endeavor of the day before. It was almost dinner time before I realized it was the cake pan. Somehow I had turned on and/or off the wrong burner 30 minutes or so earlier, and the cake and pan were emitting an acrid chemical burning smell. Those oven baking pans say "not for stovetop use" for a reason. Ugh. I put the cake on the table to cool (again), hoping I could salvage at least part of it.

The girls were up from their naps by now, and M woke up whiny. But some orange juice and hugs fixed that and then the girls played happily and pulled chairs up to the counter to watch the meal preparations. We gave them the letters that had come in the mail for them to open. Each contained a huge quantity of stickers (thanks, Kathy! They love them) and the girls had fun sticking stickers all over themselves and everything/everyone else. DH got done with his work and started in on picking up the house.

We invited all of my side of the family (my parents, sisters and grandparents) to join us for dinner, but my sister J was the only one who could come. We had a great time visiting with her. We'll have the "real" birthday party on Saturday, with all DH's family who is in town (a crowd in itself), a number of friends, and whoever from my family wants to come.

J arrived with a delicious green salad (butter lettuce, spinach, cauliflower, etc), and the girls proceeded to cover her with stickers. By the time the meat pie and other preparations were done, it was almost 7 and we were ravenous. The first course was J's salad and a farm-grown cucumber I had bought. Wow, fresh produce sure tastes different from what you buy frozen or even in the grocery store.

The meat pie was just about perfect. Everything was cooked just right and the inside was solid enough to dish out onto plates while still retaining most of the crust and "pie" shape. I think I'd leave out the sage next time, but everyone enjoyed it.

After dinner J snuggled up on the couch with the girls and read to them while DH and I cleared off the table and frosted the cake. It was a boxed mix that M picked out--white cake with rainbow-colored sprinkles. I mixed more of the strawberry Kool-Aid powder with a can of white frosting to make a lovely pink, and spread it on the cake. Then I let the girls sprinkle different candy toppings on it.

We let M open her gifts, and that was so much fun to watch. I wish we'd had a charged-up battery for the video camera. She was so excited and expressive about her gifts, dancing and gasping and saying, "Wow!" for all of them. She loved them all, from toys to clothes.

A had picked out a Fisher Price Sweet Streets candy shop/dancing studio set for M, and it was cute seeing how excited they both were as M opened it and A pointed out all the features to her.

DH and I gave M a LeapPad, and since A got one for her birthday (was that 4 months ago already?!) M knew right away what it was. If we'd taped her reaction, we probably could have sold it to LeapFrog for a commercial: "[gasp and shriek, accompanied by a huge grin] It's a LeapPad! Look, it's a LeapPad! I got a LeapPad, yay! [she dances around waving it] My own LeapPad! Wow! Look everybody! A LeapPad! I got a LeapPad!"

She loved the things from GGM (an alphabet puzzle and the replacement outfit we'd picked out earlier) and Aunt J (a darling teddy bear dressed as a ballerina, and a sheet of temporary butterfly tattoos (those were a huge hit!).

We let the girls play with the new toys for a little while, and then it was time for cake and ice cream.

When we cut the cake, it made a crunching sound--not a good sign--and emitted an acrid smell. I cut off the burned bottom part from a few pieces around the edge, which was less affected, for us to try. No use. Even the parts of the cake that weren't burned had an awful chemical burn flavor. I didn't really want to poison us all with chemicals from the burnt pan, so the cake went in the trash. The ice cream, however, was delicious.

All in all, the day was a success. I still can't believe M is 3 years old.

Relief

In case anyone's been wondering why my posting has been so sporadic lately, it's been at least in part because I did something to my hip last week.

I vaguely remembered tripping and almost falling and barely catching myself before I fell all the way down. But it seemed minor and I didn't even think about it until my SIL (sister-in-law) mentioned something like that as a possibility when I was trying to figure out why I had so much hip pain a few days later.

After a week or more of intense stabbing pain, I finally made a chiropractor appointment. DH worked from home yesterday afternoon so I could go in for my long appointment to fill out paperwork, have an exam, etc.

I hadn't been to a chiropractor in about 8 years, and now I'm wondering why I waited so long. A few simple adjustments meant immediate relief, and my neck and back are feeling better too. I'm sore, of course, but the sharp stabbing pain that almost had me in tears is gone.

Now, if the chiropractor can just get that shoulder I dislocated in college to stay in place . . . it kept popping back out as soon as she put it back where it was supposed to be. I'm thinking physical therapy might be in order for that one.

Now, why did I wait so long to do this?

The fruit of my labors

My kitchen looked like a disaster area tonight . . . dishes piled everywhere, bits of fruit and vegetables scattered around, and berry juice on the floor.



It's about half cleaned up now (thanks in large part to DH) and I still have quite a bit to do. But I think it will be worth it.

Since 5:30 this evening I have baked 4 raspberry-rhubarb pies, cut up the potatoes and carrots for a special meat pie for dinner tomorrow, made a batch of ice cream, and cut up more rhubarb to refrigerate or freeze. Thankfully, DH was willing to take over with the kids and pretty much everything else so I could work in the kitchen. And, he even helped clean up my mess afterwards.


Last night I was at my parents' house and my dad cut an entire plastic bag full of rhubarb for me to take home.

There's a story behind this: Probably, oh, about 3 years ago now I gave him a card saying I would make him whatever kind of pie he wanted. When he gave me the card several months later saying that he'd like a raspberry rhubarb pie, neither fruit was in season. It's a simple matter to buy canned or frozen raspberries around here, but not rhubarb.

So, I hate to admit it, but I've owed Dad a pie for several years now. I somehow never managed to get around to it during the short rhubarb season. I've had it on my "to do" list for years.

So this year I had to make pies before the rhubarb was gone. And when Dad cut me some from his rhubarb plant, that clinched it. Today would be the day of the pies.

Raspberries are in season now, too, so the girls and I went to an acquaintance's farm and bought a half-flat of raspberries. They were delicious.

There was a lot of rhubarb. I have no idea whether my family will eat rhubarb or not, but I know Dad's the only one at his house that cares for it. So I started out making a huge batch of pie crust dough--enough for 4 double-crust pies. I decided to try 3 different pie recipes and use the fourth pie crust to make a meat pie for M's birthday dinner tomorrow.

One I had the crusts made and the piles and piles of rhubarb cut up, it was pretty easy. I rolled out all the bottom crusts and put them in pans, and left the rest of the dough divided into balls for the top crusts to roll out as needed.

The first pie was a traditional one, double-crusted with just fruit, sugar, cornstarch and a dash of salt. The second was similar but with the addition of an egg and fewer raspberries in proportion to the rhubarb. The third recipe was a type I'd never seen before, but it looked intriguing. It was essentially a custard or quiche batter with raspberries and rhubarb in it. Since I realized halfway through that it didn't call for a top crust, I made two of them. Somehow I managed to find pie dishes (or close enough substitutes) to make all 5 pies.

I made the first two pies and put them in the oven while DH ran to the store for more eggs and a few other essentials. Meanwhile, I stirred up a batch of custard for ice cream. M's birthday is tomorrow and she wants pink ice cream, a pink cake, and "pink evryfing." So I thought strawberry or raspberry would be a good choice. She liked the idea of having both kinds of berries, and I thought that sounded good too.

I just sort of made up the recipe as I went along (since I'd made ice cream a whole 3 times now, I decided I was ready to experiment with making my own recipe). I made a basic custard base with whole milk, sugar and eggs. Then I let that chill while I went back to the pies.

I had a hard time finding an empty spot to put the pies to cool, but somehow managed. My kitchen was getting pretty cluttered.

Once the second two pies were in the oven, I finished mixing up the ice cream. I blended up a package of frozen strawberries and the last pint of raspberries, leaving them just a bit chunky. Next I added a carton of whole-milk yogurt, the custard, a smidgen more of milk and some whipping cream and stirred it up. It tasted delicious, so I poured it in the ice cream maker. It wasn't up to the fill line, so I dumped in the juice from the package of strawberries and a little more milk and yogurt. Then I started the freezing process.

Dad came to get his pies while the ice cream maker was still going, so holding a conversation over the noise was a bit difficult. We did sample two of the pies, though, and they were good. The first recipe is just the perfect blend of berries and rhubarb, sweet and tart, and it sets up nicely. The third recipe is very unique and the flavors aren't as blended together. The fruit seems a bit tart, but the flavor combination is delicious with the custard. I'm eager to see if the kids like it tomorrow.



Dad took one pie (pie #1) home with him tonight and I'll send half of each of the other two recipes home to him tomorrow, after the quiche has cooled so it can be cut better. I barely had room in my refrigerator for three pies, so I'm glad he took one tonight.

I ended up just cutting up the potatoes and carrots for the meat pie tonight, and I think I'll just cook them slightly tonight (since they'll take longer to cook than the other ingredients) and then bake the pie right before dinner tomorrow so the crust won't get soggy. The meat is already cooked and frozen, so most of the work is done for that. I just have to decide what kind of spices to put in it.



The pink ice cream is done, and it turned out pretty well. I didn't scald the custard this time, and the flavor is delicious. It's definitely pink, which should make M happy. It did taste slightly better (smoother and less tart) before I dumped in the extra things trying to fill up the ice cream maker, though. :) The real flaw is that I think the juice from the strawberries was mostly water, so it made funny little ice crystals in the ice cream. We'll see what it's like after it hardens in the freezer. I put part of the soft ice cream in popsicle molds for the girls. They'll love that.

Since we still have most of two other batches of ice cream in the freezer (one storebought ["Extreme Moose Tracks"--mostly chocolate] and the other homemade [caramel almond roca]) we should have plenty of ice cream for the big gathering this weekend, when we're "officially" celebrating M's 3rd birthday. It's a good thing we had used up most of the food in the freezer with our pantry project.

Cooking and baking from scratch is hard work and I don't always enjoy planning and cooking meals. But I really love being creative in the kitchen and seeing what interesting and (hopefully) delicious things I can turn out.

Wedding Mishaps (Eleventy-one things 26-28)

Eleventy-One things about me, #26: My wedding rehearsal was a disaster. But the marriage wasn't.

#27: DH (dear husband) and I were married July 24, 1999.



Mark Daniels has a recent post about how mistakes make weddings memorable. That was certainly true in our case. In the time leading up to our wedding just about everything that could go wrong, did.



I was in a car accident a month or two before the wedding. Another vehicle rear-ended me at about 40-50 mph and my car was sandwiched between the cars behind and ahead of me. My car was totaled and both my passenger (my sister/maid of honor) and I were injured. So our wedding preparation was punctuated by car shopping, struggles with the insurance company, and doctor/physical therapy appointments.

The week or so before the wedding was crazy. The florist made all the boutonniers the wrong color. The baker decided a week or so before the wedding that she no longer wished to make our sheet cakes. The tux shop realized a few days before the wedding that the tuxes we picked out wouldn't work because they didn't have one big enough for our largest groomsman.

At the rehearsal we discovered there weren't enough plug-ins in any one spot in the church for our musicians and microphones. The head usher didn't show up for the rehearsal. The flower girl and ringbearer refused to walk up the aisle together. We couldn't find the aisle runner. Finally we found it--sort of. The janitors had cut it up with scissors to cover an ugly half-built soundbox in the church. I dissolved into tears at that point.



We didn't have enough chairs at the rehearsal dinner for everyone present. And we spilled a huge puddle of wax from a candle on the carpet right in the middle front of my father-in-law's church sanctuary--his pride and joy.

The bridesmaids' dresses weren't finished until the morning of the wedding. The head usher (one of DH's brothers) finally drove into town just minutes before the wedding was supposed to start. (He did, however, end up hitting it off with the pianist, who was a childhood friend of mine. They got married the next July.)

After all that, the wedding day itself seemed like a dream.

The flower girl and ringbearer were fidgety and made a bit of a distraction, but that was actually one of the highlights of the wedding--everyone thought they were hilarious and adorable.

The handle fell off the replacement aisle runner, but I didn't know about it until after the wedding. (The runner was borrowed from one of my bridesmaids who had gotten married a few weeks before--the cake fell over at her wedding, and we didn't tell her about it until after the wedding either.) The attendants managed to unroll it by pinning it to the carpet and then laboriously twisting the roll in their hands all the way down the aisle.

DH and I thought each other looked fabulous, and we were getting married--that was all that mattered. I can still see the look in his eyes the first time he saw me that day, and every time he looked at me after that. He kept saying, "Wow. Wow. You're so beautiful. Wow."



We were fabulously, ecstatically in love. God was a huge part of our relationship and our day, and we knew that gave us a strong foundation. Neither of us had any last-minute doubts. The excitement and joy in the air was palpable, as many guests commented later. We couldn't take our eyes off each other. I think it added significantly to the excitement and amazement of the day for us that we had saved even our first kiss for our wedding day.



We had a few stolen moments to practice that kiss again downstairs before guests flooded in for the reception. Then the long wait until we could escape for the honeymoon. I just remember we kept looking at each other and whispering, "We're married! We're really husband and wife. We really belong to each other--completely and forever." When we were finally alone, we reveled in that fact.

#28: Almost 6 years later, I still think my husband is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Just go on

A started singing this song in the car on the way home tonight, and I looked at DH and said, "She can't be making this up! She must have heard it somewhere." He said, "No, she's making it up as she goes along," and then we both said, "Wow! How does she do that???"

Pretty soon M was singing along repeating lines and they were doing an "echo" thing and singing in unison on the lines that repeated.

I grabbed a pen and started writing it down. Some of it is pretty nonsensical . . . she's just barely 4 and was singing whatever popped into her head. The music, rythm and the tune were sort of a country style, and went very well with the feel of the words.

When something's wrong,
Don't give up, just go on.

Don't even cry,
Don't look to the side.
Do not read the sign
For stop or go;
Just go on.


Don't even touch your hair
Or hair barrette.

[M was playing with her hair and A was teasing her about it in the words to her song, and they were both laughing and singing.]

All right! No, no, no
Just go on.

Don't climb up a tree
Don't touch your hair barrettes
Don't look at a light
Or read a sign

Just don't give up
That's all
Just go on.

If something's wrong
Don't give up,
Just go on.

Don't slip slip slippery
Or even smell
Or taste a pinecone
And not snow
And not hear
And not see
Or even taste, no
Or even feel . . .

No, no, no, no, no
When something's wrong
Don't give up
Just go on.

Jam

I'm reposting this comment from beneath this post below because it's just so cute, I thought it deserved its own post.

hameyer said...

Isn't it funny the things they say? My daughter and I had the following conversation shortly after my son was born, making her not quite 2 1/2:

"Mama, what's for lunch?"

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

Pointing at the jelly jar, "What kind?"

"Boysenberry,"

Instantaneously, "No I want girls 'n' grape!"

I was just so blown away at how quick her little mind was, and also laughed out loud at how cute that was!

3:14 PM

Holding my children close

Both of the girls seem to be especially affectionate and "clingy" the last few days. I wonder if it's because they sense the change coming with the new baby. They've both been wanting to spend a lot of time in my lap and M is begging me to carry her everywhere.

This morning M crawled in and dozed with me for about an hour before it was time to get up. She kept putting her little hand on my cheek to make sure I was really there. At breakfast and lunch, M pulled her chair so close it was touching mine, and A sat on the other side of me. We had what A calls "girled cheese samwiches" for lunch and they were so happy just to be near me and each other and chat about everything and nothing. It's days like this that make me really glad I don't have to leave them with someone else and be gone from them all day.

Tonight DH and I will each be taking some time to spend with one of the girls individually. We did that last week and they loved it. We'd like to do that sort of thing as much as possible before the baby arrives.

On some days I might feel smothered by the girls' being clingy, but today I'm relishing it.

This afternoon we got a phone call from a dear friend whose second-trimester baby was stillborn yesterday. Another friend called to tell us about a little autistic girl who took a bottle of Tylenol pills and is in critical condition with liver failure. We're praying and aching for both families.

I'm glad my children want to be held close today.

Charlotte Wyatt and the debate about intervention

Earlier today on the Purple Puzzle Place, I discussed about an article by Melanie Reid, regarding the ethical dilemma of saving very premature babies. The article mentions the case of Charlotte Wyatt at some length.

Melanie Reid supports her arguments with a number of blatant errors and distortions of fact regarding Charlotte's case. One of Charlotte's loved ones has written a response to that article.

Following is an excerpt from Reid's article published in the UK newspaper The Herald and the response from Hannah Maxson of savecharlotte.com.

[cross-posted at blogsforterri]



Here is what Reid says about Charlotte:

The legal case of Charlotte Wyatt has highlighted--one cannot say illuminated--the whole debate. Stark contrasts of black and white, of right and wrong, of sentiment and logic, of conflicting parents', child's and doctors' rights, have made the case of this terminally-ill baby a heart-rending one. In such extremes, those who debate are labelled either heartless or compassionate.

Charlotte was born at 26 weeks weighing 1 lb. Her body was the length of a ballpoint pen. Her organs were undeveloped and she had to be resuscitated three times. Now 19 months old, she has serious brain, lung and kidney damage, is fed through a tube, needs a constant supply of oxygen and is incapable of voluntary movement or response. She will never be able to leave hospital.

Doctors argue that she has no feeling other than continuing pain. They keep her sedated to counteract her distress. They went to court to seek permission not to put her on a ventilator next time she develops breathing difficulties.

Charlotte's parents, from Portsmouth, want to keep her alive at all costs. Five weeks ago, a judge renewed a court order allowing doctors to let Charlotte die in peace if she stopped breathing. He said "futile aggressive treatment" would not be in Charlotte's best interests. The Wyatts, who are Christians, are now going to the Court of Appeal. It is a tragic case, but perhaps an essential one, in that it may offer guidelines to both sides caught up in similar circumstances in the future. . . .

I am posting, with permission, a response written by Hannah Maxson of www.savecharlotte.com

It is easy to make your point beautifully if you are willing to twist the facts to fit your agenda. Perhaps Melanie Reid was honestly misinformed about little Charlotte's story; but the blatant misrepresentations in her prime example of a life that she considered should perhaps not have been saved, raise severe doubts.

The facts of Charlotte's case, are, indeed, an illustration of the opposite; an example of how the doctors can be very, very wrong when they prejudge someone's life as not worth saving.

Born premature at 26 weeks, Charlotte was given very little chance to live, and she has been dependent on the hospital for all the twenty months of her life. As Ms. Reid pointed out, last fall the court decided she should not be resuscitated, based on findings from the doctors that her quality of life was too poor. She was utterly unresponsive, apparently blind and deaf, and the doctors held no hope for her to improve. She was expected to die over the winter of a respiratory infection.

But she didn't. Defying all their predictions, she outlived the winter--and in the past months has taken huge steps forward. Her oxygen levels have gone down from 100 % to below fifty. She can see the things around her and track her pretty toys, and when her parents speak to her she tries to reply. She is responsive to kisses, hugs, and a gentle voice, and has gained a great deal of weight since the autumn.

No doctor says now that she is in constant pain, and she is not on any sedatives. The decision of the court to keep the DNR order in place was based not on her current condition, but on the hypothetical deterioration that would have taken place if she would need reventilation. But it is not likely that will ever take place. Her parents have started actively making preparations to bring her home-- her first time out of the hospital. Her oxygen needs to come down just a small amount for that to take place.

Even now, from her little cot in the hospital, Charlotte Wyatt has done all that should be needed to win her right to life. Her fragile life--deliberated about in philosophical debates and in the courts of law--has brought great joy to many hearts, and she has touched far more lives than they will ever know.

She would fight on, even when none but her parents believed in her, and now the torch--to fight for her and others like her--has come to us.

Ms. Reid quotes the figure that only 'one in 19' of babies born alive before twenty-three weeks have no disability, as support for the measure that would mandate they should all be allowed to die. But has she looked at this the other way? One in nineteen, then, of the babies in question will be perfectly normal... their only crime that they were born too early. And then of the others? Have they pre-judged their innate right-to-life by needing a bit of extra care, or maybe because they will always be in some way dependent? Are we going back to the ideals of Nazi Germany--- away with the Handicapped, the Disabled, all who unfairly burden the Aryan Well among us.......?

Charlotte's parents have a website with pictures of their daughter, playing, sleeping, being held. Go visit it--- www.savecharlotte.com ---and decide for yourself. Is her life worth living? Where shall we draw the boundary line?

by Hannah Maxson

Setting an "age of intervention" for premature babies?

There's currently a debate going on in the UK about whether to set an age limit below which doctors will not intervene to try to save babies born prematurely.

This article by Melanie Reid in the UK paper The Herald discusses the issue.

Reid says,

"[W]hat we do know is that half the babies born extremely prematurely suffer from physical or learning disabilities aged six. [sic] . . .

Latest research indicates that 46% of children born under 26 weeks' gestation suffered from moderate to severe disabilities, including cerebral palsy, low intelligence, blindness and deafness. Only one in 10 of very premature babies does not grow up disabled in some way.

One of the biggest ethical dilemmas of modern times is also one of the least discussed. If hospitals now possess the technology and the skill to keep babies born as early as 22 weeks alive--even if irretrievably damaged--then at what point should intervention be withheld? And who is to make that decision? . . .

. . . Holland has a national policy not to save babies born at fewer than 25 weeks. British doctors find this lacking in humanity and prefer to keep each case individually. In practive, they set the limit lower. Some consultants believe a 23-week limit should be set: any babies born at that age or younger which could not breathe completely and spontaneously for themselves would be allowed to die. As statistics stand, of the small minority that survive from a 23-week birth--which is below the limits for legal abortions [my note: in the UK, that is]--only one in 19 has no disability."

Reid uses the case of Charlotte Wyatt as an example of futile care. However, she grossly misrepresents Charlotte's situation. Charlotte Wyatt was born at 26 weeks gestation and was not expected to survive. She's still very ill and disabled, but has improved far beyond expected and may even be able to go home from the hospital soon. I will be posting more on the Charlotte Wyatt angle of the article, including a response from Hanna Maxson at savecharlotte.com in my next post.

One point to note, though, is that Charlotte Wyatt would have received intervention even if a 25 or 23-week point of intervention was instituted. She was born at 26 weeks gestation.

My own mother was born very prematurely, at an age which at that time the baby was unlikely to survive without disabilities. When my grandmother took her home after a long hospital stay, she transported her in a shoebox. My mother had a film over her eyes and was "supposed" to be blind, but grew up to be a normal healthy child with no disabilities.

I don't necessarily think every premature child should be rescuscitated. But I do think there shouldn't be a strict limit based purely on one or two arbitrary factors, for a few reasons.

First, statistics don't mean everything. Doctors and parents should be able to evaluate the individual situation and make a decision based on the baby's individual health, the parents' ability to deal with possible severe disability and expense, and other relevant factors.

Secondly, the age at which premature children can survive and the risk of disabilities with prematurity is steadily decreasing. If we had limits below which we didn't even try to save these babies, science and medical abilities would be hampered from advancing in this area.

Finally, who is going to make the judgement about what percent risk of what type of disability makes a life not worth saving? Remember, most of these statistics include a wide range of disabilities from needing to wear glasses to severe cerebral palsy.

Here's a summary of one of the studies Ms. Reid may have been referring to.

It says, "The study began in 1995 and followed a group of babies born extremely prematurely at 25 weeks or less (normal gestation is around 40 weeks). Initial survival rates were low and only 308 surviving children were recruited on to the study out of 1289 live births. The surviving children were assessed at 2½ and 6½ years of age.

At the 2½ year assessment, the results showed that, while 50% of the children had no disability, 25% of the group experienced severe disability such as cerebral palsy, blindness or deafness. The remaining 25% experienced lower levels of disability, including low developmental scores or the need for spectacles. The researchers also found that 46% of the group were receiving treatment for chest-related medical problems, such as wheezing, coughs or asthma.

At 6½ years the children, were assessed again. Researchers found that a similar number of children were free of disability, with 25% suffering moderate or severe problems. They also found that over 85% of those who had the most severe problems at 2½ years old still had major problems at 6½. Of more concern was the finding that over 40% were assessed as needing or likely to need help in school."

Who decides that a child would be better off dead than having a 50% chance of being blind or deaf, for example? Who is to say that it's better to let a child die than risk their [horrors!] "needing or likely to need help in school," needing to wear corrective lenses, or having athsma?

Also, we sometimes forget that even a normal birth at full-term is not without risk. For example, the organization "United Cerebral Palsy" notes that about 10% of children born at or before 25 weeks gestation have cerebral palsy, but 60% of children with cerebral palsy were not born prematurely.

Obviously, there is some point at which the risk and cost outweighs the benefit of some medical treatments. But I think this is a determination that should be made by the individual case, not by setting an arbitrary rule.

Terri Schiavo's autopsy was released today

Of all the articles I've seen, this St. Petersburg Times Tampa Bay article seems to be the most factual and unbiased summary of the report.

I am amazed at the number of articles claiming the autopsy "proves" or "backs up" this or that--especially when the report itself doesn't say any such thing.

For example, the PVS diagnosis.

The autopsy report simply doesn't and can't prove whether Terri Schiavo was in a vegetative state as opposed to a minimally conscious or other profoundly disabled state, despite what many news articles are saying. As Examiner Thogmartin reasserts in the report, PVS is a clinical diagnosis and not something that can be proven or disproven by doing an autopsy.



We already knew that the autopsy was going to show profound brain damage and that dead neurons weren't going to grow back. That's no surprise.

But that still doesn't tell us how much consciousness or awareness she did or didn't have, or whether she would have been able to experience some level of improvement in her existing brain cells with the right therapies or not. It was beyond the scope of an autopsy to make that kind of judgement, and it seems somewhat irresponsible to me for a medical examiner to make a strong statement one way or the other regarding that fact based on an autopsy.

The autopsy certainly doesn't tell us whether it made any difference to her when she was provided with music and other stimulation, treatment for symptoms of pain, basic care and therapy, etc. versus when she was denied these things. Although I think it unlikely that her basic condition would have changed with therapy, I certainly think it's possible that she was at least on some level aware of and affected by the way she was (or was not) treated.

It is interesting to me that it mentioned Terri's brain weighed half what a normal brain would weigh. Yes, that's extreme damage but it's also not the same as "no brain" or a "completely liquified brain" as Atty. Felos and several doctors were claiming. I'd be very interested to know how that compares with a profoundly disabled but aware brain, the brain of someone with hydrocephalus or in a minimally conscious state, and also how dehydration might affect that.

What confuses me is how Thogmartin can claim to know from the autopsy that Terri Schiavo was unable to swallow (especially given that we have much evidence she was able to swallow at least her own saliva) and that he says she was blind. If she was blind, why did all but one or two of the doctors who examined her say that she showed at least some level of visual tracking? Is visual tracking something that can take place with blindness? Also, how would blindness affect the evaluations of her responses in making a diagnosis?

It is interesting to note that the examiner found no evidence consistent with a spine or neck injury, bulemia, or heart attack. The cause of her original collapse still remains completely unknown.

I haven't been able to get the pdf format of the actual report to load for me, so if anyone finds it in text format please let me know.

What do you say to a potential babysitter?

I'm having an e-mail exchange with a potential babysitter, and we've already been over briefly her experience and training, what ages of kids she's comfortable dealing with, etc. She wanted to know essentially how the kids behave and interact, what they like to eat (and whether they are picky eaters), and what they like to do.

I just wrote up a fairly comprehensive e-mail answering her questions and outlining my expectations and procedures for babysitting. If that doesn't scare her away we'll probably meet her and see how she and the kids like each other.

I'm wondering if I missed anything or if I am in overkill mode. It's so hard to go through the process of finding someone new to trust your kids with.

What questions would you ask a babysitter in an interview, what would you look for and what would you tell the sitter? What would you want to know as a sitter?

Here's the bulk of my e-mail:



Our girls are normal toddler/preschoolers, so they still have to be reminded a lot to say things like please and thank you. But when they ask for things we remind them to "ask nicely" and they'll say, "Please may I have some apple" or whatever.

We get a lot of compliments (including from babysitters) about how polite and well-behaved they are, but of course they are also normal kids and sometimes disobey, throw tantrums, etc. They still need help doing a lot of things. They can pick up their toys, set the table, get themselves dressed, etc. but they do still need adult supervision and participation.

We really work with them on using words appropriately to resolve conflicts and express their feelings, taking turns, empathizing with others, agreeing to disagree ("Oh, well, we disagree") and that sort of thing.

Our most common disciplinary measure is time outs or standing in the corner for a couple of minutes, and we tend to use a lot of natural consequences like "if you abuse it, you lose it" and a lot of incentives like "after you pick up your toys we'll read a book." We expect babysitters not to hit or spank our kids, but you can be creative with other consequences like taking away toys, time outs, separating them, etc. They do know that they are expected to obey. We don't often end up in a battle of the wills, though, because we usually try to direct their energies toward positive behaviors and appropriate outlets rather than just focusing on what we don't want them to do.

As for whether they're picky eaters, I'm really not sure. They have definite likes and dislikes. Some of their favorite foods include almost all fruits and many vegetables, salad, chicken, hot dogs, scrambled eggs, pancakes, peanut butter sandwiches (A) and lunchmeat sandwiches (M). We feed them whatever we're having for a given meal and we have a "one bite" rule and then if they don't like it they don't have to eat it, but they don't get something special fixed for them either.

When we have a babysitter I generally plan the meal and make it something either quite easy to fix or something you just have to heat and serve, and try to pick things they like so the sitter doesn't need to worry about trying to get them to eat something new or less well-liked. We don't force them to eat, just set the food in front of them and have them sit there until we're done eating. We do sometimes use dessert or a favorite food as an incentive to get them to eat, but if they don't want to eat they just don't get dessert and it's not a big deal.

For both of the girls, their absolute favorite activity is books. They will usually listen to you read until you tire of it before they do. A (the 4-year-old) is learning to read and will sometimes want to read to you as well.

They also love to do craft projects. We have a cupboard in the kitchen full of coloring books and other craft supplies for them. They will work on a project alone if you get them started and then need to do something else, but they especially love it if you sit down and color or glue along with them.

We do a lot of preschool activities, including games where they match upper- and lowercase alphabet letters, numerals with sets of numbers, etc. They both enjoy puzzles and mazes and are just learning how to play games like Go Fish and Dominoes. We keep a lot of educational toys around the house for them to play with. Some of their favorite toys are their wooden train set and a collection of little animals--they make up all kinds of stories about them and act them out.

Music is a big hit, too. They love to listen to music and dance to it, or sing songs.

The girls are active and like to play outside, run around, play hide-and-seek, ring around the rosy, etc. but they also have good attention spans for their ages and are able to sit relatively quietly if necessary. For several months we took M (the 2-year-old) to the adult service at church with us because she was wanting to stay with us instead of going in her class. She knew that if she wasn't quiet she'd have to go in her class, so she sat through the 1 1/2 hour service very quietly each week. We take them to weddings and other events and they stay sitting with us and only have to be "shushed" occasionally.

We do try to limit videos to times when it's necessary to get something else done (like dinner preparation on a day they're not playing together as well as usual) or as a last resort if you're pulling your hair out. :) The girls don't watch TV at all. We have a selection of videos in a special drawer that are theirs, and we're pretty careful about what they see.

Our house rules for the kids are pretty simple. Things like: No hitting or throwing things, we jump on the floor not on the furniture, no toys at the dinner table, be kind to each other, use words to work things out, wash hands after eating and using the potty (they usually need to be reminded to flush and sometimes need help wiping also, but do take themselves potty--although if they're having a lot of fun you may need to remind them every couple of hours or they'll forget to go), etc. Pretty normal stuff I think. Generally, the two of them get along very well with each other.

As parents, we don't yell and scream at each other, get violent or swear, so the kids generally don't either. We tend to set gentle but firm boundaries with the kids and try to always follow through on what we say. We prefer to redirect behavior (i.e. color on the paper, not on the table) in positive ways whenever possible, but aren't afraid to say no or enforce consequences if necessary either.

I did a lot of babysitting as a teen, so I tend to be respectful of my babysitters. If the kids are having a meal or snack I will generally make sure there's enough for you, too, and I usually point out a few things in the pantry/refrigerator/freezer you can use as snacks for yourself and/or the kids.

The first time we use a sitter we will have her come at least 30-45 minutes early so I can go over the house, where fire extinguishers and first aid kits are, where the food is and what you can have/use, etc. and the sitter and kids can get comfortable with each other. We'll of course explain the kids' routine also.

I expect the sitter to be on time or within a few minutes of when she says she'll arrive, and we do the same about when we say we'll be home. We tell you what time we expect to be back and if there is some kind of emergency that will make us later than that we let you know. We take our cell phones along and encourage a sitter to call us if the kids get hurt or are crying for more than a few minutes, or anything like that. I'd rather have a sitter call when it's not necessary than have a situation like I had a few weeks ago where my daughter dislocated her elbow and I didn't find out about it until several hours later.

When we get home, I like to hear a summary of how the kids behaved and what activities they did, how they did with going to bed, etc. Anything like injuries, unusual misbehavior or extended crying are important for me to know about.

At the same time, I try not to overkill on telling the babysitter what to do or grilling you on every detail of the evening--I assume that if you're responsible enough to trust with my kids, you're responsible enough to use your own judgement on most things. So after the first time or two I'll just leave you with brief instructions, tell you where we'll be and when we plan to return, and let you know about anything unusual or new we're dealing with regarding the kids, but I won't spend a lot of time telling you what to do and when/how to do it unless you ask me to. Your asking questions or discussing concerns with us is always welcome.

I do expect that a sitter will spend the time interacting with the kids as much as possible and not on the phone, watching TV, or visiting with friends while caring for them. After they are settled in bed you are of course welcome to read, watch TV, or whatever, but we don't allow friends unless it's a situation where we have previously approved it. No drinking, smoking or drugs. :)

All the emergency information like kids' names and birthdates, directions to our house, our address, doctors', neighbors' and grandparents' phone numbers is posted on the refrigerator. We leave the phone machine on and you need not answer the phone or the door (unless it's us calling to check in, of course).

If you were to take care of the baby in the first few months after she is born, it would probably be while I was at home in a situation like my taking a nap between feedings or trying to get some housework done. Since you haven't been around infants, I'd want to show you how to do things like handle the baby, do diaper changes etc. and have you get comfortable handling her with my involvement first. I nurse my babies and don't usually leave them with anyone except family if at all for quite some months after they're born.

I hope that's not too overwhelming. If you think you'd still be interested in babysitting for us after reading all that, let me know and I'll give you a call.

Our little prophet

M has an uncanny way of knowing things sometimes.

She'll say something so insightful or true that DH and I will assume the other told her whatever it was--until we comment about it and realize nobody mentioned it to her. Sometimes she'll make some comment about a person or an upcoming event that we'll assume is just her making random conversation until we find out later it was true. Often it was something we didn't even know.



From the day we told the girls we were expecting a baby, she was absolutely insistent that it was a "sister baby, not a brother baby" (no matter how much we reminded her how much she loves her baby boy cousins and that it might be a boy) and she was right.

This morning at breakfast she announced that "our sister baby will be here in 5 weeks." I thought she must have been repeating something DH said. But when I asked him tonight if he mentioned anything like that to the kids, and he said no. He hasn't talked to them about the baby and when she will be here at all in the last few days. M doesn't even usually use the term "weeks" in talking about the future--I'm not sure she understands the concept of a week (although anything that happened at any time in the past is "last week" to her).

It will be interesting to see whether she's right or not. My "official" due date is between 6 and 7 weeks away, but my other two were 1 and 2 weeks early, and both ultrasounds have measured a few days early. So 5 weeks from today is certainly quite possible.

She certainly has us wondering now.

Smiles

I'm enjoying the ages my girls are at so much, but it's slightly bittersweet. They're getting so independent! At 2 (almost 3) and just turned 4, they are learning to do so much by themselves.

A few weeks ago I got up and went downstairs and they had gotten themselves dressed, gotten out bowls, spoons and cheerios and were sitting at their little table eating breakfast and chatting happily. I almost started crying because "my babies don't need me any more." Silly me.

It amazes me every day when they can get themselves a glass of water, take themselves potty and wash their hands by themselves. They can set the table and help load the dishwasher, and they're still young enough that they love doing it.

The other day I asked them to wash their hands and set the table for dinner. Their response was, "Oh, great! Let's set the table!" as they came running. I'm enjoying that while the novelty lasts. :)

Nearly every day, at some point during the day I find myself amazed and overwhelmed by something they do. Every day something makes me smile. Usually I think about writing it down, but then don't get it written before I forget the details. So here are a few of the recent smiles.



The girls got used to sharing a bed while we were at the coast, and so the last couple of nights they've continued that. They just enjoy being near each other--they're sleeping with their heads at opposite ends of the twin bed. :) I'm glad they're good friends.

Last night when I tucked them in they both gave me a hug and a kiss and then a nose rub, and then they both wanted to tell me a secret. They love secrets. They make me lean my head close, softly whisper "I love you" in one ear and "God loves you" in the other ear, and follow it up with a big hug and a grin.

I am laughing out loud at the moment. Just as I was writing this, A came in to ask a question after having been put to bed. Daddy answered it and then told her to get back into bed. She went skipping out of the room with the words, "I shall indeed!"

The things they say can be so funny. Sometimes we can't figure out where they heard things and sometimes we recognize them as coming from ourselves, a book we've read or a video we've seen.

We had to ban Charlotte's Web for a while because it's rather awkward to have a 2-year-old suddenly lie on the floor in the middle of a room full of people and holler with great feeling and drama, "I don't want to die!"

A few things they've been saying recently:

"I love you just the way you are---even when you're grumpy."

"I love you, Little Mother."

"Most certainly!"

"Oh, how marvelous and wonderful!"

"Everybody is one of my favorite people."

"God made everything. But Mommy made my special blanket."

"God, what are you doing right now?" [pause] "He said he's busy making lots of babies to give to all the mommies and daddies."

[Response to being asked how she is:] "I'm doing well, thank you."

"I'm four years old. How old are you? Are you a dult? Do you have a baby growing in your tummy? My Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy, right there, see? You can feel it kicking. It's our sister baby, and her name is E-----. She's going to come out soon."

"I'm growing up to be an adult."

A: "When I grow up, I'm going to be first a mommy and then a grandma."

M: "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a daddy and a grandpa."

"Some days I feel rhyme-y, and I love to sing."

[A line from one of the many songs A makes up:]"I love the trees, the trees, the beautiful trees. They wave to me with their little green leaves."

"Daddy, you can't be sleepy now . . . you have to drive the car. You can't drive and sleep at the same time! You have to wait until we get home before you go to sleep. Then I will kiss you goodnight and sing you a beautiful lullaby so you can go to sleep. Okay?"

Weekend at the coast

We just got back from a short-notice weekend at the coast, and it was wonderful!

A few days ago we found out that my parents had been given a week in a condominium at the beach. Since it could easily accommodate 6 people and my mom and sisters wouldn't be able to go for the first few days, Dad invited us to join him there.

DH had a work conference all week and had to put in a lot of extra hours, so he got off work shortly after lunch on Friday and we took off.

It was a long drive, but we make a lot of long drives to visit family and the kids are used to it. DH and I enjoy the time to talk and interact, we sing a lot and listen to music and story CDs, and I like to crochet to while away the hours.

The rooms at the coast were beautiful. This was the view from our window:





The rooms and beds were very comfortable, and the company was exceptional. :)

It's great to have the type of relationship with family that we jumped at an opportunity to spend a weekend with my dad. We really enjoy both sides of the family. A few days at the coast relaxing with Grandpa was just what we needed.

The weekend consisted of relaxing, going out for a couple of meals, playing on the beach and in the pool, reading books, snacking and napping. It was heavenly.



The girls and I made a trip to the dollar store Thursday to get buckets and shovels, kites and a few other sand/wind toys. The shovels were a bit flimsy, but the buckets were perfect for scooping sand and water and storing rocks and shells.



The part of the beach we were on had very few rocks . . . just round pebbles mostly. The girls were a little scared of the waves, so the best feature was the puddles. The way the sand sloped, there was an area where little sandy tide pools were laced along the beach some way from the water. They ran and splashed in the puddles for hours.



Both girls learned to fly kites for the first time, and A especially enjoyed hers. Here she is running along the beach with it:



Grandpa taught the girls how to build drip castles and tiny trees by dripping wet sand in piles on the beach. I remember him showing me how to do that when I was a tiny kid. It's so much fun watching my kids experience things I remember from being that age--sort of like re-living childhood through fresh eyes.



We had such a good time. Thanks to my family for giving us the opportunity, and to Dad for sharing your weekend with us. We loved it.

Now I'm going to bed and will work on catching up on e-mail and comments over the next few days.

By the way, I just realized tonight that today is not Father's Day. We've been thinking it was Father's Day for the past few days and were telling Daddy and Grandpa "Happy Father's Day" all day long (and gave Grandpa his present this morning), so I guess we'll just have to celebrate it two weekends in a row!

Butterfly and giraffe kisses

MysteryMommy is talking about her son wanting to kiss like Aladdin and Jasmine, and several people made a really great point--there is absolutely NO good reason for an animated film geared toward young children to show intense, deep kissing.

Thankfully, we don't own Aladdin or any other kids' movies that model that type of behavior, so the most we've run into the issue is that our kids see DH and I kissing on the mouth and want to do the same. So far we've dealt with it by making sure the kids also see us kiss each other on the cheek occasionally, as well as "audience-appropriate" kissing on the mouth. We do want our kids to see us being affectionate with each other, but try to keep it fairly low-key if they're watching. :)

We've also explained to them that kissing on the mouth is something special Mommy and Daddy (and other grownups) only do with each other and that even we don't kiss other people that way. They don't seem to have a problem understanding that.

The kids really like making up a variety of kisses right now. Of course, it's partly a bedtime delaying tactic, but it's awfully cute. There are butterfly kisses (eyelashes fluttering against a cheek), bunny rabbit kisses (rubbing noses), chipmunk kisses (the same but with teeth clicking), and infinite others down to giraffe kisses (big sloppy kiss on the cheek).They're very imaginative in the variations they come up with. They always want to do one more kiss ("But Mommy, I forgot to give you an elephant kiss!") until we tell them that's enough and it's time to go to sleep.

It always makes me leave the room smiling, though.

Making Ice Cream

It was really warm out today, and I was craving a frozen treat. DH's favorite food is ice cream, and since Father's Day is this weekend, it seemed a perfect time to make my first attempt at homemade ice cream.

We have an ice-cream maker that's never been used since we got it about 5 years ago. So the girls and I decided to give it a try. We bought whole-milk yogurt, cream, rock salt and a few other necessities. The kids were beside themselves with excitement--ice cream and helping me cook are both high on their list of favorite things.



I did an internet search and collected some interesting-looking recipes to try. Eventually we settled on chocolate frozen yogurt and vanilla ice cream. Since we had leftover chicken fruit salad for dinner (delicious!), I had some cooking energy left tonight. Unfortunately, by the time I got ready to actually start cooking it was time for the kids to be in bed.

To save time, we decided to multi-task. While DH put the kids to bed and worked on laundry, I cooked up the chocolate custard for the frozen yogurt. It was a little more work than I expected, but already it was starting to look and taste delicious. While it was cooling, I browned 6 lbs. of hamburger to freeze for quick and easy meals. Meanwhile I was reading the directions and getting the ice cream maker ready. It seemed like a recipe for disaster in my current state of clumsiness and forgetfulness, but I decided it was worth the risk.

Halfway through the hamburger-frying, I managed to blend the yogurt with the cooled chocolate custard and start the mixture freezing. I did slightly burn a pan or two of the hamburger (I had two burners going and forgot to turn off one when I meant to), but overall it worked ok since hamburger doesn't have to be stirred constantly.

After getting the last of the hamburger labeled and in the freezer, the chocolate yogurt was done. It was really quite good--creamy and chocolatey, with just the right amount of tanginess that makes really good frozen yogurt. I took a break and put my feet up while sampling it. Mmmm, I could get hooked on this very easily.

I was going to make the custard for the vanilla ice cream, chill it overnight and then freeze it tomorrow. But it seemed such a shame to waste all that perfectly good ice and rock salt. So, against my better judgement, I decided to stay up and make it tonight. Besides, who can sleep with this much heartburn anyway? (This pregnancy has been by far the worst of the three in the reflux/heartburn department--I hope that doesn't mean this baby will have worse reflux than the other two did.)

As I stood at the stove stirring and stirring once more, I was especially grateful for the cushioned kitchen rug DH and the girls got me for Mother's Day. (Oh, yeah, I'd better figure out what we're giving DH for Father's Day this weekend.)

I did scald the custard just a TINY bit, and ended up with some lumps when I added the eggs and then cooked it too long. But it tasted good. The recipe didn't call for it, but I whipped the cream before adding it to the egg mixture. That seemed to make the ice cream a bit fluffier.

All in all, there's definitely room for improvement, but both DH and I agreed it was pretty good for a first try.

Now if only my kitchen would clean itself.

It looks like a disaster area, and I have company coming in the morning. Between my aching feet and back, and my body informing me not-too-subtly (with contractions) that I've overdone it already tonight, I decided my best bet was to put up my feet a bit and then go to bed.

Hopefully I'll be able to get the kitchen and family room looking presentable by the time my guest arrives tomorrow.

If not, at least I can serve her some homemade ice cream.

Joe Korp (Maria Korp's husband) is out on bail

Joe Korp, who stands accused of being involved in the atempted murder of his wife Maria, has been released on bail. The Australian continues to maintain his innocence, unfazed by the fact that his lover has pleaded guilty and is blaming him for talking her into trying to kill Mrs. Korp. Tania Herman, his lover, does of course have motives to involve him since she is plea-bargaining to provide evidence against him in exchange for leniency in her own case.

Recent articles regarding the Korp case state that Maria Korp's situation has been upgraded from a persistent to a permanent vegetative state and doctors argue that she has almost no chance of improvement.

Here are a few excerpts from various articles in Australian newspapers:



The Age says, "Melbourne Magistrates Court heard Mrs Korp was in a permanent vegetative state at The Alfred hospital. A document tendered to the court by her neurologist, Bruce Day, said her chances of recovery were almost non-existent. . . .

Mrs Korp, 50, is being fed through a tube, has spontaneous chewing movements, and yawns but does not speak or try to form words.

Mr Smith ruled Korp must not have contact his with his unconscious wife, his son or Mrs Korp's daughter.

The Herald Sun, says:

"[T]he mother of two remains in a coma.

It was revealed yesterday that Mrs Korp is not expected to recover from her vegetative state and that her neurological condition had deteriorated.

A recent procedure removing an air tube was to help her physical state only, and she remains at risk of infections and clots.

Her doctor, Dr Bruce Day, said in a medical report tendered to Melbourne Magistrates' Court that her condition should now be considered a permanent vegetative state.

He said such patients survived an average of two to five years, but much depended on decisions about whether to withdraw feeding tubes. Mrs Korp is breathing unassisted, but receives her nourishment through a tube.

Dr Day said Mrs Korp had spontaneous chewing movements, yawned, and made moaning noises, but there was no evidence she was aware of her surroundings. She does not respond to sounds or sights.

He said Mrs Korp's life remained at risk from medical complications, but the major factor in her survival was the provision of nourishment and water."
That article is annoying because first it says she was in a coma and then that the removal of her breathing tube was to help her physical state. Since she's not in a coma and the removal of the tube, according to other articles I've read, was done with the knowledge that it had a 50% chance of causing Mrs. Korp's death, this is a good example of some of the inaccuracies that can get propogated by careless reporting. They did make an interesting point though that Mrs. Korp's chances of living at this time are largely dependent on whether they decide to stop feeding and hydrating her or not.

The Courier-Mail says, "Mrs Korp has been in a coma since she was found in the boot four days after she was attacked, and medical experts told the court yesterday it was "extremely unlikely" that she would regain consciousness, adding that her life expectancy was only another two to five years."

The Daily Telegraph says, The court heard that despite Mrs Korp being able to breathe unaided since the removal of a tube, she was now in a permanent vegetative state with little chance of further recovery.

A report tendered to the court stated that such patients usually survive an average of 2-5 years.

Mr McArdle told the court it was "the most serious attempted murder you could possibly imagine".

A spokesman for the Office of the Public Advocate - appointed to make medical decisions for Mrs Korp - said she remained gravely ill and was not expected to recover.

"There are degenerative changes to her body," the spokesman said.

There are several points worthy of note here. For one thing, from following the news articles about Maria Korp it seems that since her injury she has progressed from a coma to a state of some form of wakefulness, whether she is aware at this point or not. She is not currently in a true coma, since she opens her eyes, vocalizes, and moves. For another, she progressed from needing assistance breathing to breathing on her own just in the past few days. So it certainly seems less than clear that her condition has even stabilized, much less that it can't be expected to continue changing.

Finally, as I discussed earlier, 3 months post-injury is far too early to make a firm diagnosis of permanence or to consider removing life-sustaining treatment--even in a non-traumatic injury such as Mrs. Korp's. The British Medical Association's current recommendation (along with many other organizations and study groups) is that no patient be judged permanent until at least a year has passed, and that patients should receive therapy and attempts to help them get better at least until that point.

Tired

I'd forgotten what the last part of pregnancy feels like. In the past week or two I've been remembering. Suddenly I'm constantly out of breath, hot, awkward, clumsy and just plain tired.

Yes, I'm whining. About something millions of women go through all the time. Yes, it's really no big deal. I know that. I just feel like whining. It's my blog, so I can whine if I want to.

In general, life is great. I'm enjoying my husband, kids, and most other things. I am really enjoying being a stay-at-home mom right now, and the stages my kids are at are just amazing. Basically, everything is wonderful. I'm just tired, uncomfortable and hormonal.



Mainly I'm just tired. Halfway through the day (okay, about an hour into the day) I'm ready for a nap, but my kids have recently grown out of needing naps most of the time. So we compromise with quiet time. The kids are supposed to stay in their rooms until the time is up. It's supposed to give us all a break. But lately every ten minutes they're up using the bathroom and/or running in to ask me if it's time to get up yet.

I know I should establish some kind of routine (including an amount of time they have to stay in their rooms and some sort of response if they don't) and stick to it. But that would require some thought and energy to put into practice. :) [Any brilliant ideas are welcome, though I don't promise I'll actually follow through on them.]

It's funny how priorities change. One day all sorts of huge philosophical issues seem important and I'm craving mental challenge. The next day the most important thing in life is surviving until nap time and the only thing I'm craving is a chance to put my feet up (and chocolate, of course, but that goes without saying).

One day my goal for the day is to do extensive research and write a brilliant (or at least lengthy) commentary on something or other, complete a graphic design project, and/or organize a room in my house. All, of course, while providing imaginative and enriching activities for the children. The next day the only attainable (?) goal seems to be to make sure the kids and I get somewhere in the range of three meals (maybe two and a half will do for today?) and maybe, if we're lucky, that the dishes get done. Oh yes, and that everyone lives through the day--preferably with no major bodily injuries. That would be good.

DH commented this morning that there's not really room for him in the bed any more. I think I only (ha!) have 5 or 6 pillows (in contrast to his one), but they do kind of get spread out. Between the pillows, the tossing and turning, and the 2-year-old that sometimes ends up in the bed also (last night she had a nightmare about a bear), he's right.

In fact, in the middle of the night I'm sure of it. There's not room for him in the bed.

I'm sort of dozing, but awake enough to be aware of the hours ticking by and how uncomfortable I am. I know I'm not sleeping well and am not happy about it. Somehow in the hazy awareness of my mind, the nearest person becomes responsible. So I grumble at DH in my half-conscious mind. He's there, so it must somehow be his fault.

In my awake and sane mind I know he has little or nothing to do with my inability to sleep. My rapidly ballooning body and the baby doing karate at 2 a.m. are much more responsible than anything else for my discomfort and wakefulness. (Of course, it doesn't help that the fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome stuff tends to kick in when I don't get enough rest and then the whole thing snowballs. I'm trying not to even contemplate (or remember?) what it's going to be like in a few more weeks when there's a crying baby wanting to nurse 24/7 and I really won't get any sleep.)

But there's DH, and somehow my half-awake state of consciousness wants to--I don't know--if not exactly blame him, maybe make him as miserable as I am.

Last night my thinking looked something like this: I'm hot and thirsty. Can't get comfortable. I want to roll over onto my right side, but then I'd hear DH's snoring louder and then I really wouldn't be able to sleep. He's snoring. Not very loudly since he got this new appliance, but still snoring. He's taking up space in the bed. He's tossing and turning, and how dare he put his arm across my pillow where my head is supposed to be sleeping?! Sleeping, ha. Sleep would be nice. I really, really want to sleep. I can't believe I've been lying here for 4 hours and I'm still not really sleeping. Maybe if he weren't in the bed, I'd be asleep right now.

Suddenly his presence in the bed is the most annoying thing in the world. But I know he has just as much right to be there as I do. Except that he's snoring! So I nudge him to roll over. Sometimes that makes the snoring at least pause. He doesn't budge. I nudge him harder. Nothing. Next thing I know, I'm pushing on him with all my strength, and I'm no longer sure whether I'm trying to get him to roll over or push him clear out of the bed. He's not sure when he wakes up, either.

In fact, he was aware enough of the grumpiness emanating from my side of the bed during the night that he commented this morning that maybe he should get "extra pay" as husband/father for a "hazardous work environment."

On the other hand, I missed him terribly all day today. He had a conference at work and wasn't home for dinner. After wanting him gone all night, I wanted nothing more than to have him near me all day. I kept telephoning him about little things, just to hear his wonderful voice.

I love his voice, his presence, pretty much everything about him. I love to be with him, interacting with him or just being near him. I've had an incredible swelling of love and appreciation for him lately--until the next hormone surge or whatever it is hits and I can't stand him for the moment.

My kids are the most wonderful, brilliant, adorable creatures in the universe most of the time--except when they're being kids and what was cute a minute ago (for instance, running around giggling and screaming) is suddenly intolerable.

Someone please tell me this is at least somewhat normal and that it will pass--at least in a year or so when the baby gets weaned?

Catching Up

I had some time tonight and have been going through old posts, catching up where I hadn't had a chance to reply to comments. I think I've gotten all the ones up through this past weekend or so, and I should be mostly caught up on e-mail now too (I've been working on that over the last several days). I haven't done the ones from yesterday and today yet, but hope to get to them tomorrow evening.

If I "owe" anyone a reply or an e-mail that was from before yesterday and I haven't already e-mailed you regarding it, please drop me a note to let me know I missed you.

Maria Korp breathing unaided

According to an article in the Australian newspaper, The Age, Maria Korp may now be breathing unaided. Reports cannot be confirmed through the hospital because of patient privacy, but according to Peter Ward, Joe Korp's lawyer, she is off the tracheotomy tube and is no longer receiving any assistance with breathing, oxygen or keeping her windpipe open. This is a small but significant improvement in her condition, taking place after the 3-month cutoff when according to Australian law her condition can be declared permanent.

[Update: According to this Australian Herald Sun article, the procedure to remove her breathing assistance was done knowing that she had only a 50% chance of survival if the surgery was done. As things look now, it appears she is pulling through this test and is not expected to die any time soon.]


Maria Korp is an Australian mother of two who survived attempted murder and was found several days after being left for dead in the trunk of her car. Her husband, Joe Korp, who maintains his innocence, and his girlfriend Tania Herman will be standing trial for her murder or attempted murder, depending on whether she continues to live or not. Doctors say she is in a persistent vegetative state (PVS) after non-traumatic brain injury (strangulation).

Her injury took place the middle of February, and the court-appointed guardian is still contemplating whether to remove life-sustaining treament or not. As mentioned in one of my earlier posts, some physicians are arguing that treatment should nto be withdrawn until at least 12 months after her injury since late improvement from a PVS does occasionally happen.

Emergency Room

M (who will be 3 in a few weeks) subluxated (partially dislocated) her elbow last night. We didn't find out until a couple of hours after it happened because the babysitter knew the arm wasn't broken and didn't want to interrupt our group meeting, so by the time we spent several hours in the ER and got home, it was after 2 a.m.

She's still in quite a lot of pain, poor kid. I think I'll try to get a sling for her and see if that helps.

I think it's worse seeing your child hurt than being injured yourself.

[UPDATE:]
M is feeling a lot better tonight, which actually makes my life a bit more difficult because she wants to run around, jump and play.

We're supposed to be keeping her from using the arm for a couple of days, and then being very careful with it for at least two weeks. Try doing that with an energetic toddler.

I'm glad she's feeling better, but I really wish she wouldn't feel a need to turn summersaults and take flying leaps off the furniture.

I'm spending pretty much every moment trying to keep her occupied and calm now because she's bouncing off the walls after a day of being subdued. So don't expect to see much blogging from me for a day or two. :)

Not Afraid Any More

Mark Congdon is starting a new series of posts on his blog, talking about songs that have been pivotal or especially illustrative of pivotal points in his life.

His first post in the series is about breaking free from leading a double life, and from secrecy and addiction. It's a beautiful story about the freedom he gained in developing honesty and openness in his life. I highly recommend reading it--it's really a great post.

Of course, I may be slightly biased. :)

Kevin writes this paragraph that sums it up nicely in the comments:

"I think honesty provides the certainty that if someone loves you, they love you for who you are and not for who you are pretending to be; and with that comes the freedom to be, and be loved, without fear of loss."

I agree. As long as we're living a double life or living a mask, we have to wonder if people "knew what we were really like" how they would respond to us. We tend to believe that it's not really our true selves people like; they love only the mask we wear.

It's only when we're real and open with ourselves, God and other people that we find true freedom--and experience true love.